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I am overwhelmed with the kind and supportive words of condolence that I’ve gotten as I mourn my grandmother Gaga. First and foremost, thank you.
All the talking and emailing about Gaga has reminded me of something that I find curious every time I experience a loss – how do we talk about death? I mean, what do we call it?
Some people say “She passed on,” or “She passed away.” Others say “She left us.” Or “She’s no longer with us.” Or “We lost her.” There’s a gentleness to those words that I really like, and a hopeful implication that the spirit of the person is in some better, beautiful place.
But I tend toward the straight-statement: Gaga died. True, saying–and hearing–those words hurts, but it hurts in a way that I think is part of the process of wrapping my head around what’s happened. Someone I love was alive and now she’s not–the human brain just doesn’t compute that concept on some level, whether the person was young or old, sick or healthy. Saying “she died” is, for me, like a cognitive exercise that slowly gets me used to the idea that her life only continues in my memories, in my heart.
What do you “call” death?
posted June 30, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I work with elderly and I prefer “die/dead.” At one point, I worked in a hospital and we were told to say to family that their loved one had died. Too often, family don’t understand the euphanisms and have a harder time accepting reality. “We lost your father.” — Where did you loose him? Go find him!
It is helpful to hear your comments. I had wondered if after some time it would be better to use some of the softer language. It sounds like it may be painful, but helpful to use the real language and not avoid the hard truth.
Peace to you.