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As more years unfurl between us and the events of September 11, 2001, I’ve heard an increasingly louder cry each anniversary of “Enough!” Comments on Beliefnet and other sites say over and over that it’s “time to move on,” that we need to “get over it.”
I hear that. Each year newscasters appear to be increasingly stretching their care muscles and the political juice is wrung out a little bit more as public officials try to brand themselves compassionate by saying 9/11, 9/11, 9/11 as much as possible. It’s gotten so big and intrinsic, talk about heroes and pride and loss and courage can seem like part of the larger info droning. We’ve become almost immune to the repetition and cynical about the motives of the repeaters, so it all feels like a big, American-flag-draped drag. I’m guessing.
I feel that too. But there are other kinds of remembering. I’m a native New Yorker. One who almost was amongst the 2,750 killed that day. And though I’m almost tired of my story, I still need to remember: I was late for my temp job on the 100th floor of the South Tower. I know five of the 175 people who died at the company I was working for. I saw the first building on fire as I stood below, gazing up in shocked, still motion. I heard the second plane hit as I hustled north. When the buildings fell I was a mile away and heard people watching them dissolve to dust, screaming. My neighborhood was full of smoke for weeks; I stayed with a friend. Then a few months later I temped for a while next to Ground Zero in an office never properly cleaned of that toxic gray powder. My desk had a view of the pit. And three years after that I was shockingly and suddenly at the age of 31 diagnosed with lymphoma–one of the two blood cancers that have surged in incidence in first responders since 9/11.
So, let’s just say I’m not really over it. I think I am sometimes. Not having lost a beloved, I have the luxury of letting go. I tend to tune out the drone. But then, I’ll walk near the space on my way somewhere else, or around it, or within 15 blocks of it and I start to get this skin-raising dread and nausea. My lungs get scratchy. I feel like I want to run.
Last year, a week or so before the anniversary, I walked with a non-New Yorker friend downtown. We climbed the stairs of the Winter Garden and gazed over the pit. The energy was still heavy, intense, raw, unpeaceful. A sign hanging outside Century 21, in giant lettering you could only see from that vantage read, “Fall Into Fashion.” Seriously. We held hands as we walked the bridge across the pit. I closed my eyes and, overlaid on the disaster, I saw roses over the whole scene. Layers and layers of petalled grace that had been sent to this place by thoughts, by prayers, by who knows what. Roses absorbing the toxins, roses embodying grace, roses smelling subtly, sweetly, blessing the whole awful, still-excruciating mess. Then the image faded and I had to get the hell out of there.
This week workers brought a 36-foot steel beam back to the site. The “Last Column” helped hold the South Tower and was the final piece of debris to go seven years ago, marking the end of the recovery. Covered in grafitti, blessings, union stickers, and engine numbers, it was a makeshift memorial for workers who removed smoking remains for eight months. It will be in the 9/11 memorial museum, which will also house a crushed fire truck and five stories of the trellissed steel fronting from each building. Plus diaries from witnesses, first-responder masks still covered in that silt (hermetically sealed), and lots of other artifacts.
If I can speak for millions, I might say that many New Yorkers are not actually sick of that kind of pure remembering, the annual reading of names, the where-were-you-when-it-happened coversations. We mostly ignore the political static like we avoid eye contact on the subway. What we are sick of is the giant, gaping hole still in the ground. The seemingly unhealable maw–kept open by fights about money. We are sick of that sickening feeling of walking around the thing. We are sick of egos squabbling when there’s more at stake–a place to properly mourn, to grock the enormity, and to appreciate those rescuers who, we have heard many many times in the news, ran up the stairs while everyone else ran down. I am not sick of hearing that and never will be–they ran up the stairs while everyone else ran down. They ran up the stairs while everyone else ran down.
A “forest of oak trees” is planned for the area over the underground museum. Though I will still keep a wide radius in my downtown travels–some ground is permanently hallowed–the raw memories mixed with the suggestion of new life is something I also won’t get sick of anytime soon.
As for anniversary coverage, we can click off the TV, walk away from the computer. and share silence with others–if we mute the noise and rhetoric, maybe it’s possible to remember without overload and “move on” without forgetting a blue-sky, stair-sprinting thing.
posted August 26, 2009 at 10:40 pm
New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand Supports New 9/11 Investigation
posted August 27, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Dear Valerie,
Thank you for that beautiful and compelling essay. Just like “You Can’t Hurry Love”, you can’t hurry healing. (I blogged about this a couple of years ago, after a dear friend died. (See http://www.carepages.com/blogs/helpshurtsheals/posts/february_24_2007)
Anyone who has grieved knows that grief can come in waves, and that anniversaries can resurrect feelings we thought were dead and buried, blindsiding us and sometimes knocking us over.
Remembering honors the dead and reminds us of the sanctity of life.
My heart will be with you on September 11. Thank you for building sensitivity and compassion among us all.
Lori
posted September 10, 2009 at 12:58 am
I, too, am a New Yorker. You can speak for me regarding 9/11 anytime…I couldn’t agree with you more.
posted September 10, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I add my thanks for this thought-provoking and heart-opening post. I will never forget that day in New York, the clear blue sky, the harrowing smoke-filled week, the posters of the lost…but I will try to catch a glimpse of roses.
posted September 11, 2009 at 7:51 am
I enjoyed reading your thoughts. They are very thoughtful. It seems that someone or somebodies (sp?) should stand up for the souls that were lost that day. It seems the right thing to do would to be respectful of those that passed that day and those that watched helplessly, I’m sure, in total horror and disbelief of what took place. Money should not be the issue. The issue needs to be respecting the lost and the mourners of New York and around the Country. It seems very disrespectful to me that there is still a gapping hole there. It’s like there is no closure for the lost. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. May we never forget what took place that day and may we always remember that we, as with the rest of the world, are not privy to ever not having terrorism touch our soil. That too is a very important issue that should never be forgotten or taken for granted.
posted September 11, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Don’t ever forget …..It could happen again. If we do not remember our history and be on our guard it can (and will) happen again.
posted September 11, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I have been through two abusive marriages that included attempted murder. I’ve been left with permanent injuries, but NO justice. I’ve lost most of my finances and my health. As a result I can no longer work full time, but not disabled enough to qualify for government assistance. This means when things break down, I have to do without, including medical care. I’ve lost so much to the point there isn’t anything left to loose, except my hope. I sometimes hope I don’t wake up because there is nothing left to look forward to. Evertything I do falls apart. I was assaulted a few weeks ago by a special needs teen I was trying to help. Now I’m stuck with more bills I cannot pay because his parents refuse to take responsibility, that leads me right back to lawyers that I know are not trustworthy. I tried to get my car inspected and was told it needs $600 worth of work I cannot afford. I’m LOST with NO WHERE to turn! EVERYTHING is HORRIBLE in my life and I don’t want to be here any more!
posted September 11, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Hi Betty–we’re so sorry to hear of your difficulties. We’re not in a position to offer any individual advice, but one of our fellow bloggers compiled some resources that may be of use. Know that we are concerned about your well-being and hope this is helpful.
http://blog.beliefnet.com/yourdailyspiritualstimulus/2009/05/support-and-resources-for-people-in-financial-despair.html
posted September 12, 2009 at 11:39 am
september 11th, 2001….can never be forgotten…just as it can never be justified!!!
how long did it take to build an incredible, new yankee stadium!!!??..a little over a year!!???
is it so “out of the question” that a memorial park cannot be built for these families who are our countries victims!!!?? are we REALLY honoring these lost lives?…absolutely not!
8 years…EIGHT YEARS!!!…and the reason!!??? the unGodly dollar!!!!!
new york city can always plan new buildings on the site for wealth and income….but for our Lord’s sake…find a center first!…allow the center to be a beautiful circular park with a memorial wall….a water fountain and flowers forever flowing…benches and grass for the families to come when they wish…like we go to cemeteries or churches for peace and prayer…whenever their spiritual need desires!!
the city..the mayor..congressmen….how hypcritical can they be!!!
THESE VICTIMS COME FIRST!!! CAN WE FINALLY PLEASE GIVE THEM A PLACE OF BEAUTY AND DIGNITY!!!!!!?!!!!!!!
posted September 12, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Last night on the History channel, on the eighth anniversary, I watched “September 11, 2001, 102 Minutes”…it was recorded video from various observers that awful day…from the first few minutes when the first plane hit, to after when the towers fell. In the background, they played some of the 911 calls that were made from the people in the towers. It showed footage of the people in the streets, staring in disbelief. People crying, running. The many firemen who were preparing to go in. It even showed footage of the people that jumped, or fell. This show made me feel exactly how I felt on that day. I cried throughout most of it. Every one of us will always remember where we were “when the world stopped turning” (as Alan Jackson sings)…how scared we were, whether we were right in the middle of the horror, or 2500 miles away. While this show was heartbreaking, and made it seem like it was happening all over again, I believe it is a good thing to show this program on every anniversary. No one should forget what happened that day. I agree that a memorial park should of been done MANY years ago; the new Yankee stadium obviously shows you where the priorities are. I pray for everyone, from the victims, to the survivors, family and friends who lost someone, the heroes, the men and women fighting for the freedom of our country…I pray to God. God bless you all….
posted September 12, 2009 at 1:10 pm
We can also use the occasion to pray for our troops who have stepped up and are currenty fighting the War on Terror in Afghanistan.
posted September 12, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Never forget. I may not have been there, but a friend of mine, a psychologist, worked the aftermath. The memorial park needs to be finished so people do not get stuck in their grief. Never forget.
posted September 12, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I too am a born New Yorker! Not only did we lose a great amount of people and friends but the building that stood for New york, a national monument…Pray every day for peace and those other heros that tried to help us in the airplane in pennysylvania, the pentagon, etc….it is a day to be remembered and also a day that will never be able to fix but by this we learn that evil lurks everywhere and as we all stood together on 9-11 -2001 we should stand together forever, no matter race, creed, or color…Us Americans should stay united and prepare for the next disaster, you know it will happen..but keep the faith , God bless all of us….Never forget 9-11
posted September 12, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Although I know this message may be upsetting to some, I channeled a different 2perspective on 9/11 which appears in my blog:
http://blog.angelenlightenment.com/2009/09/remembering-september-11.html
posted September 13, 2009 at 9:11 pm
If Christians believe that skyscrapers can collapse straight into the path of greatest resistance (directly into their basements at free-fall speed), then pray that our belief systems can be tempered with logic and discretetion. Otherwise, pray that the real perpetrators of 9/11(what group of 19 foreigners could ever pull off anything like that wthout inside help) come to justice. Wake up, Church! Those were pre-planted nano-thermite incenderaries that brought those fireproofed buildings down. You can’t melt steel with burning furniture and jet fuel even if you had all the time in the world and all the jet fuel you could pump in a month. America needed a common enemy, and even an invented one was good enough. Please “google” and watch “Loose Change, the Final Cut” and then make up your minds. We are directed to be gentle as lambs, yet wise as serpents. Please, Lord, let it so so with us all. Amen.
posted September 14, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I too remember 9/11 where I was – what I was doing – and everything I saw. I remember sitting in complete HORROR glued to the tv – wanting to turn it off but unable to because I could not believe what I was watching. I am in Oklahoma City, OK. Just as I remember 9/11, I remember April 19, 1995 – where I was – what I was doing – and feeling – and seeing . Thankfully, we have the most beautiful memorial for our victims and heroes from that day. I recently took my four daughters to the site. They were not even born before this happened but as my husband and I relived that day for them, and the days, weeks, months that followed, they became more aware of how special our firefighters, rescue workers, policemen, etc. truly are. They have since then began calling them ‘the super heroes’ and hold them in the highest regard. I too will never tire of hearing or stating ‘ they ran in while everyone else ran out!’ Please New York, make a place for your victims families, your citizens, your heroes. Teach your children and let no American EVER forget!
posted September 16, 2009 at 4:22 pm
When I was younger and the “3 day weekend” wasn’t a marketing concept, November 11 was a National holiday. It was called Veteran’s Day and it was a day off from school–unless you were in the marching band or ROTC; those people were downtown marching in the parade. For those of you who may have forgotten or didn’t know, it marked the end of WWI. The Peace Treaty took effect on the 11th day of the 11th month at the 11th hour. After WWII it was supposed to honor all the veterans of that war and any other ones. Now it is just a “1 DAY SALE” instead.
Should we still mark the day our country was attacked from within by enemies cowardly enough to use commercial aircraft full of civilians to take down two skyscrapers full of civilians? Can we forget the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania instead of on target due to the heroics of the passengers? The only “true” target was the Pentagon since it was at least a military site.
I don’t want the sacrifice of so many police officers, firefighters and ET personnel to be forgotten. I’m proud that my community set out with a goal to raise a million dollars to help replace some of the equipment that was lost that day and went so far over the goal to include a ladder truck along with the police cruisers and Paramedic trucks. It helped because it gave us all a way to do something positive and show that these sacrifices touched all of us.We weren’t the only community to do this by a long shot, but it was just another way our country was pulling itself together after these attacks.
I remember crying when I saw a film that had shots of the World Trade Center Towers in the background, standing tall in the skyline like they still should be. Seeing them again like that made the fact that they were gone even harder to comprehend, even though I had seen the second plane attack and the collapse of the towers. I’m proud that we now have stopped taking our firefighters and police officers for granted after seeing them in action that day and throughout all the grim cleanup later.
I think that we should all at least have a moment of silence for all those who were killed and their families this day. Have the church bells ring out either 4 or 5 times–I’m not sure if the Towers should get an extra chime for the collapse as well as the attacks. Those bells will remind us to say a silent prayer instead of rushing off for some bargains at a sale.
We need to remember this day at least as long as our enemies gloat over it. Remember them dancing in the streets shooting off guns? the clips of Osama being treated like a HERO as he bragged about how he had used his knowledge of construction to use planes full of ordinary people as missiles. The only thing any of them weren’t gloating about was not getting all 4 targets that day.
The lights in the sky are beautiful. I know that this is prime real estate, but it’s really hard to think of putting a commercial building or buildings on this site. To have those along with a memorial with the names of all who perished there–by floor, by business, by each fire station and police station as well as the people from the Port Authority who died. They can list the names or put the baby pictures of all the children who never got the chance to meet their fathers.I just don’t want it to become a memory or another reason to hold a sale unless some of it goes to the families of the victims. They deserve to be remembered.
posted September 18, 2009 at 12:13 pm
On that sad and upsetting day, we lost our mother, mother-in-law and grandmother and great grandmother…. to our precious wonderful lord, God came and took her home, along with all those who lost their lives on the sad day, we too cried for the death of our loved one, and cried for those that we didn’t know. to think of what freedom means to us, to others is to come and kill and destroy what is ours… freedom is a gift from god to do what is right and enjoy life with out worrying who is out there to hurt you or wipe you completely out of this world. thinking they can do anything they want. that my dear friends is what we get for giving others the freedom to come into our country to be free.this gives them the right to do in justice to our country. to plan and do unto us more damage then Good…..I feel in my heart that every President should take care of his people and guit sending their problems to our country!! if he can’t take care of his people, then he should not run for office…. May God with all his power protect us and have mercy on us all..