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Two years ago today, my Uncle Craig died of lymphoma. For his 60th birthday just 3 month before his death, we gathered at a favorite fancy restaurant, where for celebrations the staff scatters little silver stars across the table. He playfully stuck one onto his forehead, making us all giggle. I later learned that he took a few home, shiny souvenirs in his blazer pocket. It was a special night. He was a special man. He’s gone. I miss him.
Not to put too fine a point on the concept, but there’s a second loss-related milestone that I am observing today. And that is a 15-pound weight loss that began out of the stress of that time and that I’ve (pretty much) sustained over these two years.
So it’s the anniversary of loss – the loss of my uncle, who I’m heartbroken will never come back, and also the loss of that weight, which I work daily to remain without. One feeling with two faces.
The juxtaposition is sharp in my mind today. I could not control the cancer that cruelly took my uncle’s life, but I could control my eating and fitness choices to get my body into a place of balance and health. But even that sense of control is an illusion, life teaches me over and over again. And the truth is, we can’t really control loss in any form–we can only check in with it periodically, marking its anniversaries as time moves forward.
How do you mark the anniversary of losses in your life? For my part, I might just hunt for some silver stars, and see if they’ll stick.
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posted October 20, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Holly, first I want to say how sorry I am that you lost your special uncle. I liked him the minute I laid eyes on his sparkling smile.
As for how I mark the anniversaries in my life, positive and negative, such as the diagnosis of my own cancer? Quite simply, I think. And feel, trying to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. I try to prepare for the anniversary, by reminding myself that I may be moody, extra sensitive, or less productive than usual. Sometimes I perform little rituals – candle lighting and the like – but usually it’s more introspection than anything else. Oh, and I make a special point to focus on all I am grateful for, especially life itself.
Finally, I just want to say that I know how difficult anniversaries can be, and I hope you are doing something special for yourself today, which I’m sure your uncle would wholeheartedly support! I’m sure he’d also love that you lost 15 pounds – that there was some small gift he bestowed on you.
Lori
posted October 20, 2009 at 8:41 pm
*hugs* I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t really do anything to commemorate them, just remember the person.
posted October 21, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I’m sorry for your loss,too.I just say a prayer,praising and thanking
God for that anniversary day,and just make a flashback of those happy and sad days with the beloved.Near or far,it should not stop us from remembering and no matterwhat,there are memories to cherish stored deep inside our hearts and we will know it is all well after all.
posted October 21, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Sorry about your loss. When the anniversary day come I just remember the good times I had with my loved one and faith that I will see them again.