Godonomics

The New Math of Marriage:  1 + 1 = 1. The Bible teaches that when one man and one woman deepen their relationship -according to God’s blueprint- the result is oneness.

And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27

The Bible tells us that when God created mankind, His divine distinction is that He created MALE & FEMALE.  He made them in His image.   Now this implies that men and women reflect different aspects of His image. Genesis presents mankind at the apex of the creative process like a diamond in its setting.  And the sparkle coming from the diamond is the reflection of His image.  Man and woman are distinguished from the rest of creation in that we reflect the image of God. To say it another way: We are from TWO WORLDS, but made to reflect ONE Creator.  This ONENESS is the purpose of marriage. This Oneness is the goal of our relationship.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

The goal of marriage is to Pursue ONENESS. To be “joined to his wife” and to become “ONE FLESH.”   And they were both naked… which means much more than “they have no clothes…”  It meant that they were “open, uncovered, unashamed, and not hidden” from one another. They didn’t have to hide their differences, be ashamed of their uniqueness, didn’t have the frustration or feeling that the other was trying to change them causing them to hide their distinctiveness.  They were Open on Three Levels:  BODY, SOUL, and SPIRIT.  This is important, because we need to understand THE IDEAL for Oneness is God Himself…

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU THINK ABOUT,  WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ONENESS… IS THE ONENESS OF GOD.

The Bible describes God’s character as both Plural and Singular.  This is oneness. It is the unity of diversity. It is the harmony of variety. It the the unique vision the Bible tells of the god who is three in one. He is multi-faced, multi-dimensional, and yet completely together, unified, and complete. Notice the plural in Genesis 1:26.

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

In fact, the first  verse of the Bible struggles with the limitation of our language and understanding to express to us what this 3 in 1, singular meets plural looks like when it says.

Genesis 1:1 In the Beginning GOD (Elohiym), which is a plural noun Created (singular).

As many of you know who took Latin, French, Spanish…  the verb and the noun need to agree in a sentence. A plural noun like “THEY” needs a plural verb like “ARE”  You would say, THEY ARE… You wouldn’t put a plural noun with a singular verb… “THEY IS”  But that is exactly what the Hebrew writers have done here.  THEY (Elohiynm) IS (Singular). The multi-dimensional God Is.  He created and fashioned intentionally and, specifically, men and women in His character. Like He is 3 in 1, they will be 3 in 1, but Act as One.

That may seem a bit heady, let me get practical for a moment. What does it mean to be made in His image?  We also are 3 in 1.   We are made in His image with 3 parts:  a spirit, a soul, and a body.

1 Thess 5:23  Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Why is this important? Well…because a husband and wife can’t get on the same page… or Move Toward Oneness…and see the unique way their two worlds unite unless they have a picture of who they are and who God is.   I want to give you the goal of oneness. Look at this photo.

If you and I are made in three parts, and our spouse is in three parts, then the ONENESS of a marriage will be created as we learn to come together in three areas:  Oneness of Body, Oneness of our Soul (friendship/companionship), and Oneness of Spirit.   All three of these aspects are critical and all three must be pursued.  One of the real practical struggles of marriage is that often we aren’t both pursuing the same Blueprint for ONENESS.   We will feel more “in love” and “at one” as we prioritize all three aspects of our marriage.    The Bible calls this Oneness or “knowing” another person at all levels.

I was sharing this principle a few years ago and a wife came up to me after the service and said, “I get what you are saying. My husband is always talking about the ‘Body’ aspect of Oneness and wanting to be intimate with me sexually.  I am always chasing the ‘soulish’ or  ‘best friend’ aspect of our closeness.”  She said, “I  told him last week, ‘Can’t we just grow older together, be good friends, and not make the whole physical  intimacy such a big deal?’ “  I asked her, “How did he take that suggestion?”  She laughed and said, “He told me he wants MORE than a best friend…”  And what she was discovering is that she and her husband were emphasizing or de-emphaszing different aspects of their ONENESS.  She wants MORE than just body oneness: the “Soulish” Oneness of friendship.  He wants MORE “Body” oneness, but wasn’t prioritizing the soulish or spirit Oneness.

When one of you downplay just one area of this oneness, you are missing out on your hardwired blueprint. Saying, “Body Oneness is not important” is like saying 1/3 of how we were designed is not important. This will not work, and it will not “go well” with your spouse.  And vice versa, saying whether this is denying physical needs or taking the attitude that we don’t need to talk about our lives and have common interests and goals, both are equally problematic because you are saying to your spouse 1/3 of how we are designed shouldn’t be a big deal.  But ONENESS IS ABOUT connecting on ALL THREE LEVELS!   And God made us unique, because usually in marriage, one of us is emphasizing one aspect of ONENESS, and the other is emphasizing the other.  Instead of convincing the other they are wrong, we need to pursue ONENESS on all three levels saying, “We want to be LOVERS, FRIENDS, and SOUL MATES!” Embracing our unique worlds rather than trying to change them.

For more information, Check out www.godonomics.com.

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In the book The Case for Marriage, Linda Waite confirms that

“Unmarried people are far more likely to die young — especially men, who on average engage in riskier behavior when single than when married. Statistically, divorce is as dangerous to a man’s health as starting to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. Nine of ten married men will live to be at least sixty-five, while only six of ten single men will. Nine of ten wives make it to sixty-five, but only eight of ten single or divorced women will. Married people have more money, and their money goes further. If you think about it, two can live almost as cheaply as one. Cohabiting doesn’t offer nearly as many financial benefits as marriage, because married couples make long-term plans and decisions. The secret is an added ingredient: commitment.  Married people not only have far more sex than singles, but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally. One reason married people have more intimacy is that it costs them less in time, money, and energy. They have already made the huge investment in establishing and maintaining a relationship and can lie back and enjoy the dividends.” And, the long-term emotional commitment of marriage brings more intimate satisfaction than found with cohabiting couples. ”

So, if you want to be healthier, wealthier, and sexier… stay in a long term committed marriage.   It is difficult to keep things fresh, to overcome differences, and stay with it, but it is worth it.

I went to lunch last year with a man who was struggling with his marriage. He shared with me the challenges of his relationship and temptation to “throw in the towell.”  I listened intently and asked how I could help.   He paused and said, “Tell me it’s worth the effort.   Tell me to hang in there.”  He spoke of the wear and tear of the past few years. He told me of his regrets of making work more important than family. He said, “I want to fix this, but it might be too late. Help me with my marriage. Do you have any advice?”  I did encourage him and offer him some hope.   God wants you to hang in there.  Every marriage has seasons. Sometimes the winter season seems long, cold, and lonely… But HANG IN THERE!!!    Spring is coming. There is a Summer in your future.  If you will commit to changing the “dance” of your marriage, but making your spouses’s priorities your priorities.   We all have reasons and stories as to why we “give, give, give,” and our spouse “takes, takes, takes.”   But remember that it’s easier to see the “speck” in our spouse’s eye than to see the log in our own.

I’ve sat with dozens and dozens of couples contemplating divorce. Each time I hear the same lies come out of their mouths.   “God would want me to be happy….”   Maybe, but perhaps, God wants you to be Holy.   Marriage will bring out the reality of how selfish the human heart really is. Marriage will challenge you to be holy and more mature by looking out for the interests of others (Phil 2) in ways you’ve never thought possible.    I’ve heard “For the sake of the kids, we should get divorced…”   Hmmmm…. be very very careful.    Divorce is a mutating beast that evolves and transforms into uglier and uglier forms. If you and your spouse are struggling with money and communication, imagine how much harder it will be when you have twice the expenses, two places to live, and you still have to talk about money, kids, schedules, etc.       There are some times when the Bible permits divorce, but mark my words.  Divorce hurts. It hurts deeply and badly.  A friend who was divorced once said, “I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy.”  Another friend said, “Imagine the person who knows you best stands up in open court -before the whole world- and says, “I don’t want to be with you anymore. That’s just the beginning of the pain.”

Redbook magazine did a study a few years back that showed the direct correlation between faith, happiness, and sexual fulfillment.  the overwhelming conclusion from their data was that people of faith have more dynamic intimate lives than those without faith.

This shouldn’t surprise us. God says that he created human beings in three parts: Body, Soul, and Spirit.   When a couple connects on all three levels with physical, spiritual, and emotional intimacy… The results are powerful. We are able to “know” one another at a deeper level as we resonate with God’s hardwiring of our original design.

“For instance, Dr. Herbert Miles, author of Sexual Happiness in Marriage, surveyed 151 college-age couples six months to two years after they married. These couples had strong religious backgrounds and received marriage counseling concerning God’s plan for lovemaking prior to marriage. Dr. Miles found that 96.1 percent of these wives enjoyed regular physical satisfying pleasure in their marriage. These results show that young wives who commit themselves to following God’s principles for lovemaking free their bodies for total enjoyment of the embrace of their husbands.

I read Tim and Beverly’s books The Act of Marriage and The Act of Marriage After Forty. They surveyed 1700 couples from their Family Life Seminars for their book. This group consisted of couples with a wide age spread and different levels of spiritual maturity. However, 89 percent of the women reported succeeding in love with their husbands. When both the husbands and wives work at applying God’s principles to their daily lives, they enjoyed the results in their bedrooms.

A Redbook survey of 65,000 women also reported on the same subject. This survey found that the “very religious” woman reaped the most from the love embrace. The “slightly religious” woman was the most likely candidate to fail in all areas of her daily life including the sexual embrace. (Claire Safran, “65,000 Women Reveal: How Religion Affects Health, Happiness, Sex, and Politics,” Redbook ”

God’s wisdom is the compass. His principles mark the path.  His grace is the fuel. Marriage makes you healthier, wealthier, and sexier. For more information, check out www.godonomics.com or check out this clip about a funny marriage conflict with my wife.

“…Communist regimes…turned mass crime into a full-blown system of government”. The estimated death toll totals 94 million, not counting the “excess deaths” (decrease of the population due to lower than-expected birth rates).”

Here is a summary of the carnage from the book:

65 million in the People’s Republic of China

20 million in the Soviet Union

2 million in Cambodia

2 million in North Korea

1.7 million in Africa

1.5 million in Afghanistan

1 million in the Communist states of Eastern Europe

1 million in Vietnam

150,000 in Latin America

10,000 deaths “resulting from actions of the international Communist movement and Communist parties not in power.”

“Courtois claims that Communist regimes are responsible for a greater number of deaths than any other political ideal or movement, including Nazism. The statistics of victims includes executions, intentional destruction of population by starvation, and deaths resulting from deportations, physical confinement, or through forced labor.”

So with the naked facts painting a evil and horrific picture of communism. Why do many today still have dinner conversations like, “Do you think Jesus was a communist?” or ‘I think the early church practiced communism…” Those statements are as naive and uneducated as hearing, “I wonder if Jesus and the early church were mass murderers?” and “I think Jesus would want us to promote a system that grants the State power to coerce and starve it’s citizens.”  Why would the Dalai Lama support suggest a horrifying philosophy? Perhaps he’s lost his mind. Perhaps he’s getting old. Perhaps he needs to go to college.

The problem is the “redefining of history” and the redefining of words. Fifty years of progressive education has indoctrinated and brainwashed a generation into thinking the word communism and Marxism are synonymous with “Giving” and “Generosity.” They are not. Was the early church generous? Yes. Were they radically ‘others-focused” with their personal individual possessions? Yes. Did they promote and encourage the State to steal from one group and give to another? Never. Would any of the disciples say, “We were practicing communism?”        Not a chance.

Christianity is a thinking religion. A rational mysticism. An empirical, historic event based on the facts of history -most notably the literal, physical, and documented resurrection of Jesus Christ. Let’s not fall for the perfect murder by dialing “M” for Marxism. Let’s remember the “M” stands for MURDER.

For more information about what the Bible teaches about liberty, prosperity, and generosity,  check out www.godonomics.com For a lighter take on Marxism, check out the video below.

Chris Matthews said that Weiner was in trouble because his behavior offends ‘culturally backward’ Christian conservatives.   Hmmmmm?     If being offended by someone texting their “birthday suit” and undies to women they’re not married to is backward, then I guess I’m one of those people stuck in reverse.   I was under the impression that when you are married, you are actually committed to the one you love.  I am one of those silly upside-down people who thinks that faithfulness and purity are good things.   Yes, silly me.   Silly rabbit, morals are for kids.   Morals are not for educated and sophisticated politicians and TV hosts.  No, no.  They know so much more than we do. They are so far “ahead” of us and so far above us that we wouldn’t understand.      Apparently the new trend is to identify black as white and light as dark.

²⁰ Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;  Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! ²¹ Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, And prudent in their own sight!  Isaiah 5:20-21

The Bible offers us a template for responding to immorality.  Whether that immorality is a neighbor, a leader, or a politician, how should we respond to Matthews’s arrogance and Weiner’s immorality?

In the movie, Brewster’s Millions, Richard Prior has the chance to inherit billions of dollars if he spends millions in a short period of time. One of his schemes is running for political office…. Kinda.  He runs for mayor with the slogan, “None of the above.”   He bluntly trashes both his rival candidates while showing the “dog-and-pony show” that politics have become.   He reveals that money drives our political choices, not character and principle.

Why is it that every election we vote and feel like we are choosing between the better of two evils?   Is it the back and forth bashing of both candidates by the Donkey and Elephant machine?   Is it the fact that the whole political process has become more of a beauty contest than principle exchange?
Why is it that our “leaders” and representatives from both parties are hiding their love children, running off with secret lovers, or texting their private parts to women they “barely know” -with an emphasis on “barely” as they bare it all.   What happens in the mind of a rich and famous person to think anyone might want a picture of their tighty whiteys?  Who thinks, “I bet a woman I don’t know would love to get a photo of my fruit-of-the-loom’s tonight?

How should we respond -as people of faith- to yet another moral failure by one of our country’s leaders?  We could get in our Delirium and flip on the flux capacitor and head back to the 90′s and say, ‘Character doesn’t matter.”   We could pretend that a governor with good economic sense can do whatever he wants with his private life in Argentina.   We could critique the country for holding these people up as heroes when they are flawed human beings.   We could “burn the witch” and condemn Congressman Weiner for his hypocrisy, immorality, and unwise behavior.  How should a person of faith respond?

The Gospel (The main message of the Bible) challenges both extremes.  One extreme is postmodernism. This approach is a “let live and let live” approach. We respond to the “underwear” emailer by saying that it’s not a big deal. These kind of archaic morals are outdated. We admit that everyone struggles with lust of some type. Lust for power, control, fantasizing, etc.   We compartmentalize this to Weiner’s private life and say, “It’s not a big deal.”  We condemn anyone who condemns the behavior as a hypocrite and judgmental.   In this view, morals don’t matter. This view makes you proud and arrogant believing you are better than those “moralistic” judgmental religious people who are so conservative.

The other extreme is moralism. This approach is to think “I’d never do that.”   This approach is to shake your head and say, “What’s wrong with this country.”  This approach says that the real problem in the world is the loss of moral family values.   This approach lets you look down on “those” people and “those” politicians who participate in “this kind of thing!”   This approach also fills you with pride and arrogance because you feel superior to someone who did such a stupid immoral act.

The Gospel offers us a third way.   It allows us to condemn Weiner’s acts as immoral, unwise, and hurtful. It reveals that his actions are far worse than merely “mistakes” that he admitted to in his 40 minute public apology.    It says that actions and character matters and are far far more serious than we can imagine because they hurt us, our family, and a nation that looked to us for private and public leadership.   BUT, the Gospel also reveals that “I am capable of those same stupid decisions.”  Given the right situation….  Given the right pressure on my marriage and career…   I too am capable of anything.   The human heart’s capacity to lie to itself is unparalleled as the prophet Jeremiah said, “The heart is desperately wicked.”   My heart is wicked. My heart could do that.   This approach allows you to judge without being judgmental.  It allows you to condemn while feeling condemned.  It allows you to stand with the accused in need of grace while not excusing the behavior.  This is grace.

^{Galatians 6:1} Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who arespiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. ² Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. ³ For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

The Bible tells us that when someone is overtaken with temptation… help them to be restored in a spirit of…. GENTLENESS.   We will see condemnation from both liberals and conservatives in the news. We will see little gentleness tomorrow.  And Galatians tells us to “consider ourselves” lest we are tempted…  When we are tempted to think “we’d never do that” or tempted to think “We are better than someone who did that…”      The Bible reminds us that we too are capable of “deceiving ourselves.”

So, how would Jesus Respond to Congressman Weiner, the Underwear Model.   Three ways.

1) Forgiveness.    Jesus would forgive him and offer him mercy when he truly admits the truth of what he did.  Having walked with husbands and wives in affairs for years, I can promise you that an initial apology is usually the embarrassment of getting caught.  The response that looks like genuine guilt can actually be a self-centered “poor me” complex.   BUT when someone genuinely sees what they did as wrong and an affront to God, themselves and others, Jesus offers forgiveness.

2) Reconciliation There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. You can forgive someone who doesn’t ask for forgiveness. You can be free from the poison of bitterness with or without their request.  Reconciliation, however, takes two.  We can’t make anyone reconcile. A Christian tries to keep the door open for reconciliation, but sets boundaries to reestablish trust. Reconciliation takes time.    A Christian can forgive without being ready to reconcile.  It takes two to tango.

3) Restoration. There is a difference between restoring trust and offering forgiveness. A public official (Pastor, priest, politician, etc) who voids the public trust should resign. Period. They need to get their private life in order. That is the priority. Then their own family and marriage need to be healed.  Donkey or Republican., they need to resign. And maybe… Possibly… After enough time, inner work, grace, and rebuilding of trust, they might re-earn the chance to represent again.   But too often Christians confuse forgiveness with restoration.   And sometimes, the act of stupidity or immorality is so grievous that there is no chance for reconciliation or restoration.  Often the consequences involve prison for the wicked acts of the heart.

I will forgive Weiner when he really asks for it.  As a Christian I would have forgiven Clinton had I thought his apology was genuine.  I have forgiven Gingrich who was the representative of my district when I lived in Georgia for similar acts. However….  Restoration is another matter. I am not convinced that enough time, trust and repentance have been built to offer the restoration to public office for any of them. Gingrinch has by forgiveness and reconciliation, but lost his ability for political restoration in office.     I humbly know that I too am capable of anything, but public sins also come with public responsibility.    The same is true in a marriage. You can forgive an offending spouse. You can offer the chance for reconciliation. I have seen dozens of marriages reunited after a horrible trainwreck. Restoration takes time. Rushing from forgiveness to restoration is a sign the repentance is not genuine.

For more information, check out www.godonomics.com.  If you like the blog entry, click “like” above or sign up for the RSS feed. If you want to see all six thirty minute sessions on Godonomics, click to the right to order the APPS or the DVD.