Hard-to-Learn Love (by Bart Campolo)
I won't even try to describe all of the maddening details of finding a HUD apartment for a homeless, no-income family that consists of a mother, five kids under the age of nine, and a nurturing father. It suffices to say that after three weeks of slogging through that kind of absurdity and ugliness, I began to understand why the mother, our friend Jaleena, tried to kill herself when her original building got condemned. Even with all that, we barely managed an awful apartment, and by the time we did, most of the furniture Jaleena had left in the old place had been stolen by her former landlord.
So there I was last Saturday, along with our friend Kwami (the nurturing boyfriend), loading and unloading a truckload of secondhand bunk beds and bureaus, wondering how long my surgically-repaired ankles and arthritic hands would hold up. I could have found somebody else to do it, of course, but no one I trust enough to do it right. Strange as it sounds, moving donated furniture into a family's worn-out HUD apartment is a delicate job.
It wasn't about the furniture, after all. It wasn't about all the phone calls, waiting in line, sidewalk hot dogs, application fees, and driving all over town. That stuff is valuable sometimes, but it sure isn't enough to keep us here in this neighborhood on a bad day. No, the real job - the job that keeps us here - is about communicating genuine, garden-variety love to vulnerable, poor people who may feel that they aren't worthy of your interest, let alone your friendship.
To do that well, you can't act too cheerful about giving up your Saturday. On the contrary, you have to whine about the heat and swear out loud when your thumb gets crushed between the couch and the doorjamb, like you would if you were moving your sister's stuff. You take the beer if they offer it, and hint around if they don't. Either way, you let the guy know he'll be helping you move some of your stuff soon enough. There's a lot more to it than that, of course, but I can't really explain it to you. Nobody can. That's the problem.
These days I encounter lots of people who want to love poor people, just like Shane Claiborne or John Perkins or Dorothy Day or some other radical Jesus-follower they've heard of or read about. Some of them want to move to the inner-city, or to an African slum, or an Indian orphanage, or a Native American reservation. Others want to reach out right where they are. Either way, their enthusiasm for serving God's people in need is positively thrilling to me. And yet...my first instinct is to keep them away from Jaleena and Kwami.
Perhaps it would be easier for us to welcome these people if we were running a soup kitchen or a shelter, but we have no program standing between us and our neighbors here. We have no clients, after all, only friends, and given all the differences and fears and brokenness among us, keeping those friendships genuine is a tricky business indeed. I am often amazed at the beauty of our little fellowship, but I am always aware that it must be protected.
So then, forgive me if I complain about my sore ankles and aching hands, but then won't let anybody but Kwami help me with the furniture. It's my job after all, and I'm glad to have it.
P.S. For those of you looking for an update, Bobbie hasn't yet passed her truck driver's license test, but she hasn't given up on it either. It turns out she has four tries before she has to start all over again. Her school will keep working with her for as long that takes, but I still fear Bobbie's opportunity may be slipping away. Honestly, she's going to need more grace than I'm used to counting on. Pray for us.
Bart Campolo is a veteran urban minister and activist who speaks, writes, and blogs (www.bartcampolo.com) about grace, faith, loving relationships, and social justice. Bart is the leader of The Walnut Hills Fellowship (www.thewalnuthillsfellowship.org) in inner-city Cincinnati. He is also founder of Mission Year (www.missionyear.org), which recruits committed young adults to live and work among the poor in inner-city neighborhoods across the U.S., and executive director of EAPE, which develops and supports innovative, cost-effective mission projects around the world.
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Comments
Bart, thanks for keeping it real!
Posted by: Duh-sciple | June 18, 2008 4:16 PM
To Carol, If words could help I would tell you that God knows sorrow, too. Right now I don't believe there is anything I could say to convince you that God cares. The Holy Spirit is also called the Comforter. I pray that you feel His arms around you, feel his transforming healing in your heart, and once again experience joy. Even if I can't help, He can. So sad to hear of your sorrows. Maggie
Posted by: Maggie Roy | June 18, 2008 9:18 PM
Folks, don't tell Carol God cares. Find a way to show Carol you care. And when you do, let me know what it is, because I'll join you.
Posted by: Robert | June 19, 2008 12:37 AM
Carol,
I am so sorry to hear of all your losses and cannot imagine the pain you feel. At this point, what I can do is stand by you and grieve with you. You are not alone. All else comes later.
Posted by: Jeff | June 19, 2008 6:56 AM
For some reason it seems that God only chooses to show His love through those who claim to know Him.
Now there could be grounds for some belief in that God if there really are people who act that out in the real world.
However, I see VERY LITTLE except pious talk. Not to say it isn't possible - BUT WHERE IS IT?
Mostly, "Christian" or otherwise, it's "get rich or die trying" whether by secular argument or a religious analogy.
Posted by: True Unbeliever | June 19, 2008 2:38 PM
"PROVE ME WRONG."
Hi Carol, (here are my thoughts- for whatever they are worth)
I am sorry for your immense pain and grief that you must be enduring. May God's spirit be upon you and grant you peace.
When you are ready and if you are interested- I do believe in God and Heaven and can share these things with you if you feel it can help bring you peace and comfort. Perhaps this does not help now, but maybe in the future.
Believing in God began years ago with a near-death experience, followed by a spiritual life. I have seen both God and Heaven-- life after death really does exist. We will see our loved ones again. But we must live this life first, as hard as it may be, the best that we can in order to enter God's kingdom for ever. I remember not wanting to return-- yet, I also remember how beautiful and perfect it truly was. Faith and enduring to the end is truly worth it. Jesus is worth it. Jesus was correct concerning Heaven. Everything He said is true.
As horrible as life can get-- I'm telling you the truth, that in end, it will all make sense and one falls to their knees out of enormous love and being so grateful-- that pure righteousness truly does exist and we are truly home. It is why I serve Him.
I still can remember God's love being so powerful that any issue I may have had during that time on Earth- was irrelevant. It is a love that is unlike anything I can describe. It makes everything one endured simply fade away. The power of His warm comforting light literally heals one instantly.
When you are ready and if you are comfortable and open minded- I'd be happy to talk with you through email or phone. If not, I certainly will keep you in my prayers. I can try to answer your questions based on my personal beliefs concerning what I have experienced- at least my own interpretation of it. These, of course, are my own beliefs and have nothing to do with this site, nor do they vouch for me. I have been told that it has given some peace to know these things. I am grateful, as well, to know these things. I'm a minister/chaplain.
http://www.geocities.com/elizabeth_daniele/
You can email me at elizabeth_daniele@yahoo.com if you would like.
Again, I am so sorry for your pain. May God be with you and grant you peace and comfort. Blessings to you- Elizabeth
PS: God does listen, Carol and He does care. But sometimes it is very difficult to hear-- since we can expect him to give us what we ask, in order to believe because we are in such pain. And I know it is hard, since I did not believe until I saw. I know it is difficult to believe living in a world that can be so cruel. We wait for his answer and then sometimes it doesn't seem to come and we can become angry and or give up. Death is cruel- no doubt, the worst. But I know he will give us what we need if we turn to Him and be patient. Many times we simply miss that, but it doesn't mean that He doesn't love us-- or cares or answers-- in His way. He really does love you-- more than you know. I can not imagine anyone loving us more. And in times of trouble- no one but God has given me more comfort and peace. Now, I can't imagine life without Him. When we truly know Him- it is like seeing for the first time. He really does weep with us, too. He has heard you, Carol.
Posted by: Elizabeth Daniele | June 19, 2008 3:02 PM
I have no desire to get rich or die trying. But I'm from another generation, so I never saw the movie. I will grant you, I want a pleasant little home, a reliable car, basic cable, enough fresh fruits and vegetables to eat 3 decent meals a day and a job that pays the bills for all of the above and a few rare extras -- enough to replace what breaks or visit family -- or even a beach once a year or so.
I've done without all of those at various times of my life -- sometimes in absolute poverty. Sometimes it felt like there was no God because of it. But then, when they did come, each was it's own miracle. I've also had the money to pay for movers and had the movers not show up, despite all the confirmations. That felt like God had left me high and dry.
Last night my husband had to say no to our kids about something good they wanted. It didn't matter how much he tried to explain his reasoning (he was protecting them from things they didn't understand were part of the deal) they wouldn't listen to him. They only heard the no. It was an unpleasant night on both sides -- but I still say my husband made the right choice. When a good parent says no, AND GOD IS A GOOD PARENT, there are very real reasons for it.
Posted by: frankie | June 19, 2008 3:39 PM
Carol-
"If God had a refrigerator, YOUR picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, YOUR photo would be in it.
He sends YOU flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning."
-Max Lucado
Posted by: Marc | June 19, 2008 4:37 PM
"YOU'RE the apple of His eye, and the delight of His heart."
Posted by: Marc | June 19, 2008 4:40 PM
I am not really sure what point Bart makes with this writing other than to boast about how much better he is at loving poor people than others. Is this some kind of Jesus Complex? I get the same vibe from Shane Claiborne. I get the feeling that these guys who have been living this for a while are "irritated" with this sudden surge of people who want to engage in social justice. I understand that there is knowledge and understanding that come from years of working with the poor. I have also seen people do and say things that have done more damage than good in an effort to minister to the poor. But really this whole "I'm not letting you near my poor people, because you are some ignorant suburbanite who is going to mess everything up". It's elitist! Bart don't discourage people who want to love from going out to love. If it bothers you so much, why don't you start teaching "How To Love Poor People" classes? Or do you enjoy that fact that you "get it" and the rest of us don't?
Posted by: Beth | June 19, 2008 5:53 PM
Beth: I spent some time with Bart and Shane last week. I'm a pastor from affluent suburbia and I didn't get those vibes at all.
Posted by: canucklehead | June 19, 2008 6:27 PM
canucklehead: "Beth: I spent some time with Bart and Shane last week. I'm a pastor from affluent suburbia and I didn't get those vibes at all."
canucklehead, I'd like to hear more. Both men strike me as Kingdom warriors.
Posted by: carl copas | June 19, 2008 7:12 PM
I certainly don't purport to speak FOR them but both strike me as doggedly determined to try to incarnate Jesus to the destitute and disenfranchised w/o all the trappings of organized religion/church getting in the way; as a pastor in affluent suburbia I struggle w/ the image our church has established in the community over the years becoming what we have to guard and protect than to guard and protect the basic message of love and acceptance as modelled by the LORD of the CHURCH
I think Kinnaman's book UNCHRISTIAN aptly spells out the image too many churches/believers portray that the younger generations rightly dismiss as institutional baggage; for example, I'm a free-lance journalist who recently wrote a (Father's Day issue) cover story for the magazine of a prominent North American ministry on the father/son relnship of a prominent National Hockey League player w/ his Dad.
I've been taken to task by several who had heard that this particular player isn't legally married to the woman he's having their third child with but is "cohabitating." Besides the fact that this individual is, in fact, married to her, as I reflected on the feedback I thot of all the conversations I've had with "baby-busters" and "mosaics" whose parents did Splitsville despite having all the legal t's crossed and i's dotted.
That's not to simplify a complex discussion but simply to say that I think Shane and Bart are trying to interact with a generation for whom living in faithful covenant relnship is more important than patting yourself on the back b/c you've got all the legal stuff down pat.
Was there a marriage license involved at the wedding at Cana that Jesus attended? I don't know but it apparently wasn't uppermost in John's mind for whatever purpose(s) he had in recording that story. Did Adam and Eve have a marriage license to go along with their fig leaves? Does everything the government standardizes become a part of Christian orthodoxy?
I think people like Bart and Shane are asking us to get in touch where people live and dispense w/ the idealism of theology and practice that may be traditional but is nonetheless somewhat irrelevant.
Just my thots...
Posted by: canucklehead | June 19, 2008 10:20 PM
woops, didn't mean to double post AND I only meant to answer Carl's question, NOT detract from Bart's post or get us off on a rabbit trail...
Posted by: Anonymous | June 19, 2008 10:25 PM
It's an oft-repeated argument that the deprivation the poor experience is allowed by God for their moral purification by suffering.
So what is the incredible wealth and comfort with every privilege that a Wall Street speculator and his family?
Why is that "allowed" by God and what do they learn by it?
Too much of religion is favored by financial elites who don't believe in it themselves as a means of social control of the the people whom they exploit. Instead of addressing truth, there's a pie in the sky, by and by promise that serves to make people willing to tolerate inequity and oppression. A lot of what we've seen over the last political season with the marriage of financial elites politically with white-wing religion have mirrored this.
Posted by: True Unbeliever | June 19, 2008 11:17 PM
[the marriage of financial elites politically with white-wing religion] Now there's an insightful observation!
Hey! True Unbeliever, may I say, "Truly, you are not far from the Kingdom of God."
Igor
Posted by: Igor | June 20, 2008 8:45 AM
Canucklehead (great name by the way) - I appreciate your comments. I don't mean to sound like I don't admire and understand what Bart and Shane are doing. Trust me - I know these are the good guys. This is just something that has been working in me since I read Irresistible Revolution and Bart's post (which I originally read elsewhere as a subscriber to his blog). I am not even sure why I reacted this strongly. I guess I would just want Bart to have a little more faith in the average person's ability to "communicate genuine garden-variety love" even in a broken situation. Perhaps I am being naive (probably).
Posted by: beth | June 20, 2008 12:48 PM
Dear Carol,
I added a link to a free pdf copy of my book on my website, which may or may not help you- when you are emotionally ready, since there are parts in my book that are difficult.
You are in my prayers, as well as True Unbeliever. I can prove to you that the events in my story occurred, however-- I can not prove the spiritual ones. Even with the witnesses, for some it would never be enough. At some point we must turn to faith and trust God. It is a choice we make. God wants and loves us dearly-- but not by duress. He wants us to choose him-- as it should be.
God be with you.
Blessings to you, Elizabeth Daniele
Posted by: Elizabeth Daniele | June 20, 2008 2:28 PM
For those who might be confused by Bart's prose, I offer a proposal:
"We have no clients, after all, only friends, and given all the differences and fears and brokenness among us, keeping those friendships genuine is a tricky business indeed."
Often, our interaction with the marginalized is often nothing more than a charitable cause, with the marginalized as the client, as the "other."
I suggest that Campolo was merely trying to be some one who views these folks as more than projects, more than just the "other", but as fellow human beings worthy of help, worthy of being friends.
And what do friends do? They're allowed to be normal with each other! There's no pretension of "I'm the super-Christian who's got it all together and I am able to help you out." It's the deflation of the idea as Christian as super, more-informed, more spiritual.
Because at the end of the day, we're just as "poor" as these people we're helping. There's no real way we'll love them, if THEY'RE the "poor" and WE'RE not.
Posted by: Alan Chusuei | June 20, 2008 5:19 PM
For those who might be confused by Bart's prose, I offer a proposal:
"We have no clients, after all, only friends, and given all the differences and fears and brokenness among us, keeping those friendships genuine is a tricky business indeed."
Often, our interaction with the marginalized is often nothing more than a charitable cause, with the marginalized as the client, as the "other."
I suggest that Campolo was merely trying to be some one who views these folks as more than projects, more than just the "other", but as fellow human beings worthy of help, worthy of being friends.
And what do friends do? They're allowed to be normal with each other! There's no pretension of "I'm the super-Christian who's got it all together and I am able to help you out." It's the deflation of the idea as Christian as super, more-informed, more spiritual.
Because at the end of the day, we're just as "poor" as these people we're helping. There's no real way we'll love them, if THEY'RE the "poor" and WE'RE not.
Posted by: Alan Chusuei | June 20, 2008 5:21 PM
Carol, True Unbeliever, and others...
I agree with you partially that "god" does not exist. I sincerely believe it might be very helpful for you to consider different depictions of God. It seems that many of the challenges we have with understanding God are because of the erroneous depictions of God. Theism is only 1 depiction of God. It is simply the "version" of understanding that is most popular in the world today so people assume it is the only one and therefore if you do not believe it then God must not exist. (But as our parents taught us in high school, popular isn't always "right.") It became the most popular, but it is a depiction--an attempt by men to describe God, but not Divinity itself and Divinity exists independently of how people try to describe it, which is often poorly.
Consider using the term "Divinity" and see if that helps you have a more expansive picture of God/Divinity. (God won't be offended, because that's not possible; God isn't a mind in the sky far away as Divinity is so often depicted.) Our words are merely tools we create to make attempts to describe things. They are not the things themselves.
The God you have imagined and been taught to think about may really not exist at all, but that means the way of thinking about God you were taught is incorrect, not the existence of God. Divinity exists and we "know" this because you exist as an Aware Being if nothing else. You are a life reading this now and the Source of this Being you are is God, the Divine Source of all Life.
Before getting too excited about an anti-God/non-God stance, explore different depictions of God such as Deism and Panentheism.
The angry, arbitrary good luck giver back luck giver, seemingly absent, contradictory, split-personality god does not exist. You are right. But Divinity does. Divinity Is.
This may help: God is not actually about control, which is what our human mind assumes God must be about. God is the Source of Life and an Infinitely Loving Presence. Since God is not about control, we do not see God intervening in the countless ways we assume God should. This is because of erroneous depictions of God leftover from primitive thinking and cemented by men insisting on "traditional" ways of thinking and teaching.
This is by no means "watering down God" as some foolish people may suggest. Certain depictions may sound unorthodox, but is one's devotion to man's popular depictions (orthodoxy--means "right" belief/opinions) or is it to the Source of one's existence, which is Divinity--the same Source that supports Life beyond this body. Releasing theistic understandings of God is, in my humble yet confident opinion, taking a step toward releasing some of the more primitive depictions of God that simply cannot be reconciled when one reflects deeply. They then serve as barriers. Furthermore, one can experience a much greater connection with Divinity/God with an understanding of the Nature of Divinity that is free of some of the language that causes barriers to go up and directs us toward depictions that are limiting. Finally, our minds are limiting. We have limits, and both logic and spiritual teaching suggests that in a state of humility and surrender (a process I used to resist fervently) we ascend a little bit or a lot and grow closer to the Reality of Divinity within.
Whatever you want to call it, there is light/life within you and all others, and it goes beyond this flesh and bones. It was before and it carries on after what we consider to be this life.
Posted by: Aaron | June 20, 2008 5:50 PM
Thanks, Aaron. I hope the life within us does indeed go beyond flesh and bones.
Abridged from Dionysius: Trinity, beyond Being, beyond Divinity, beyond Goodness, guide of the Christian keep us in the mystery ...
Posted by: marilyn | June 20, 2008 9:08 PM
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