A musing, a confession, and the last word (this week) on Christian music

I think it was the Michael Guglielmucci thing that was the icing on the cake, to be honest. It brought up some feelings I used to have about what I do that I haven't felt in a while.

Five or six years ago, I had been asking God to release me from my involvement in Christian music. I'd had my fill of trendy rock bands and worship leader celebs and the constant commerce of God's word. I'm not saying everyone in the business is like that, but it seemed like there was a period when that was all I was seeing.

And, if I can be completely honest, my own pride was getting in the way. I'd talk to fellow writers who were working on (in my eyes) more important projects. They were writing about child soldiers in Darfur and AIDS in Africa and the current political climate, and I was writing about ... Third Day's new CD?

In my head, I wasn't doing anything important. How can my interview with trendy little rock band change the world? How can my review of current CCM celeb help anybody? Why, I asked God, was he not letting me do more important things?

I got my answer - and a giant, swift kick in the pants - almost two years ago, when I attended a writing conference and a workshop about the perils of publishing. I realized that many of the speaker's points applied to the music industry, as well. (I may do a longer post about that next week.)

But when a man in the back of the room made a comment about how every job God gives us is important, I put my head down on the table and started to cry, right there in the middle of the seminar.

Yeeesh, what a loser I am.

See, I was certain God was giving me this music writing job - not this blog, not yet, but the feature stories and profiles and reviews. I knew it in my bones and it was confirmed daily, and I promise you, if I'd even a tiny inkling that he was releasing me from it I would have run in the opposite direction to do ... well, something I thought was more important.

In my desire to compare myself to my colleagues, I'd forgotten that God had already given me a very important job, one that I wasn't doing very well, because I was doing it grudgingly.

Two years ago I asked God to forgive me and I made him a promise: every day I would do this job he had given me cheerfully and willingly and for as long as he wanted me to do it. And the minute he was ready to move me on to something else, I would gladly do that, too.

And until this week I've been able to do that.

But the ugly side of Christian music reared its head this week with the Michael Guglielmucci story, and on top of my daily immersion in all things Christian music, it kind of just pushed me over the edge.

And so today, I'm taking a break. Not because I don't like my job (ironically, the job I once hated I now truly love; I can't wait to meet with you all every day and it's an honor to seek out stories that I think you might find interesting. And I appreciate when you let me know that something I've covered has helped you in some way).

I believe God has given me a job that he's given to no one else, and I do it faithfully and willingly and joyfully.

But I need a break, and honestly, maybe you do, too.

So today, I want you to forget about Christian music. I want you to shut off the radio and turn off the stereo and forget about following along with your favorite worship artist's latest hit.

I want you to go outside and sing with the cardinals or listen a crying baby or sit in silence and stare at the wall, if that's what you have to do, and thank God for every breath that you take.

Today, I want you to understand that none of this is important - not the music or the record sales or the new releases or reviews or interviews or the latest tour schedules or even Michael Guglielmucci's story.

What matters is just you and God and what he has to say to you today. Sure, he can speak to you through music, but ask yourself if maybe you've let the whole Christian music thing become your crutch, your mediator, maybe even your idol.

The industry will be here on Monday, and so will I, refreshed and renewed, and ready to talk about some great music that's coming your way in September.

In fact, I'll leave you today with a taste, a verse from the song "Here I Am" from Downhere's album releasing in September. This spoke directly to my heart and it's something I need to spend some time really talking to God about, to refresh my spirit and renew my commitment:

Here I am Lord, send me
I want to live my life as an offering
Here I am Lord, send me
Somehow my story is part of your plan

Somehow, my story is part of God's plan, and so is your's.

May you have a restful, glorious, Christ-filled weekend, and I'll see you back here on Monday!

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