Chaste Buddhist Intimacy at Home?
Friday May 16, 2008
Categories: Trends
The New York Times Home section runs every Thursday and occasionally they run a "Living Together" column. This week's is more of a human (and spiritual) interest story than a story about interior design. In "Making Their Own Limits in...
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"Submitting one's will" was one aim of life in a religious/spiritual community. Interesting that these two would work on submitting their wills to an individual -- a partner -- but not to the Dalai Lama and others in the Tibetan Buddhist community who are skeptical of the practice.
What came to my mind with this article was...What about the delusion of 'attachment'? I think that this couple's practices (eating off the same plate, reading from the same page of a book, breathing at the same rhythm, staying within 15 ft. of each other at all times, etc.) can only feed the experience of attachment to each other rather than reduce or eliminate it. Not very Buddhist if you ask me.
1. Is their relationship harmful to sentient beings?
2. Is their karma balanced?
3. Is there a need to judge their relationship according to our perceptions of purity?
Is not everything that one does from morning to night, just as one does it, the way?
--Yasutani Hakuun
Those who have condemned or criticized these two may see themselves as justified, but I see them as doing what their own intellects tell them is right living. If they are wrong, let someone who knows show them the errors.
I see this story, and others, as a way to look inward at myself. It is not about judging others' actions as right or wrong but insight into another's world and how they choose to live the best life they can in a very challenging time on this Earth. Which, as I tell my little "it's just different and different is what makes the world go round." This story allows me to examine my thoughts and my life and gives me an opportunity to expand. I say thank you to Michael and Christie and congratulate them on their courage to live their truth... as it is for them. Thank you for the story.
To some people judging others- being judgemental- is always and forever wrong. But when we see people acting in a way that seems obsessive we can , at least, make a diagnosis. One ought not to do this on the basis of a newspaper article, but the story does raise questions. The beauty of Buddhist practice is that it frees the mind from attachment so that we can be free and we can freely give happiness to oneself and to others. The couple in question have bound themselves to rigid and obsessive rules. How these rules can lead to freedom and growth is hard for me to understand.
Shouldn't they have two single beds, instead of one double bed? That would make more sense if they truly aren't physically intimate. Just a thought.
If this relationship works for this couple, I am happy for them. Most marriages require a little space. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."Personally, I love my lady friend, but neither of us wants to be with each other 24/7. A little distance makes those times together sweeter and more valuable.
These characters are indeed in a strange presentation before the eyes of the world. As this is supposed to be a Buddhist thread then there are clear and obvious parameters which do apply ( and they do surely claim membership in the Tradition...even if Christie is only self styling herself a 'lama').
Basically Roach has broken his monastic vows repeatedly and undisputably ( except to his own overly clever distortion of reality ).
I know both of these people personally, Mike for over 25 years now.
The best that can be said is that perhaps their psycho-pathology will at some point become visible for the delusion that it is , and their audience grow up enough to see clearly thru the charade.
Amazing how easily spiritual seekers and yoga students can be deceived by a few clever catch-phrases and their own expectations that evil is not in full view.
For the real deal you can easily visit :
http://www.diamond-cutter.org/
This may be a harsh comment - but it sounds pathetically needy, to me.
Some of the "intimacies" they share seem appealing, others are almost "bodyguard" actions and most of all, do they find solitude unwelcome - it seems in most Buddhist tradition that solitude for introspection and awareness is welcomed.
There is an intimacy that comes from being near someone by not having sex, but simply being near someone. The physical closeness of another is healing.
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