People have been predicting the end of the world since, well, the beginning of it. For some, the Last Days are the ultimate righting of the scales, for some, the dark at the end of the tunnel, and for some, simply a “mulligan” on the current state of affairs. My new book “Apocalypse How” encourages you to view the world to come as a blank slate, a chance to reinvent yourself, a boundless period of opportunity without the inconvenience of “schedules” and “crowds.” But before you can get properly psyched for the Big Day, it helps to know some of the ways the world’s faiths have predicted it might shake out.
Christianity – According to certain Protestant denominations, the end will begin with the righteous being “raptured”— directly lifted out of their clothes, jobs, cars, etc. to Heaven. There, they will have ringside seats (the ultimate Skybox) to watch everyone left behind undergo 1,000 years of tribulation, the reign of Antichrist, and eventually, the return of Jesus for the ultimate grudge match. SPOILER ALERT: Jesus wins.
Judaism – The exiles will be ingathered to Israel, the dead resurrected, and all humanity will live in a redeemed world. For sinners, not so much a concept of Hell as an eternal sense of guilt.
Hinduism – According to the Markandeya Purana, the world will be ended by the Pralay (literally, “destruction”), an all-destroying flood. Small wonder the religion prizes not only piety, but absorbency.
Islam – A grand judgment for all, during which believers are distinguished from infidels by producing more sweat, but are eventually given a sweet drink that abolishes thirst eternally. Hard to believe they came up with this in the desert.
Hopi – This Native American nation believes the land will be covered in iron snakes, stone rivers, and a giant spider’s web; the seas will turn black, and a huge blue star will crash into the Earth. This is believed to be the only eschatology invented by a nine-year-old boy.
Buddhism – Buddha’s teachings will disappear from the Earth, only to be reinstated by a new Buddha. Unsurprisingly, the “mellowest” of the end-time scenarios.
Mormonism – Jesus Christ will return to Earth at Jackson County, Missouri, and humans will be assigned to one of three heavenly kingdoms. Though why anyone would want to live there after having experienced the Show-Me State is unfathomable.
Norse Mythology – A cataclysmic, all-destroying battle between the gods, known as Ragnarok–whose name shall inspire countless garage bands and teenage boy locker inscriptions.
Mayan – The famously sophisticated Mayan calendar predicted a “great change” would occur in our year 2012, which some interpret as a reference to the end. Isn’t it funny how you can be really good at predicting someone else’s civilization, but…
Zoroastrianism – The Earth will be devoured by fire, after which sinners will be punished for three days, then forgiven. Come on, 72 hours? We’ve had hangovers that lasted longer.
–wrriten by Rob Kutner, writer for “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” and the author of the new book “Apocalypse How: Turn the End Times into the Best of Times!“
posted June 6, 2008 at 12:38 am
What I want to know is how they plan to fit a 200 million man army into the Megiddo Pass. Do they plan to stack them like pancakes into the stratosphere. And how with this army be supplied, fed, equipped with enough portapotties…?
posted June 6, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I remember walking into an Evangelical Free Church some 30 years ago as the pastor was teaching that the redeemed will view the Battle of Armageddon from Heaven, which is a cube 1500 miles on each side in stationary orbit over Jerusalem. This was just a few weeks after I stopped attending a Southern Baptist congregation over the famous dispute between those of who insist the Bible is literally true and those who argued Jesus could only have changed the water into grape juice, not wine. I was ready to be raptured heavenward from the discussion in both places.
posted June 6, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I am a Christian and have seen the Left Behind movies. The lasy day of the world existing will not be for zillions of years. Why God call us all home so soon ? When creating something like Earth you want to enjoy what you’ve created for a very long time.
posted June 9, 2008 at 8:41 am
If you read the reviews on Amazon.com, this is truly a must-read. Can’t wait to get a copy!
posted June 15, 2008 at 11:51 am
The cosmos has been ending since the Big Bang, so what’s all this hot air that we blow about knowing when the world will end? Sooner or later someone will actually be right about “the end” just because of the laws of mathematical odds. Get a life.PEOPLE, live today!!! The END will take care of itself Jerome Thailing
posted June 16, 2008 at 7:37 pm
if there really is a god why does he let so many people suffer. This whole freedom of choice god has given us is bs. The bible is just a guide line for humanity to live there lives to the best they can. Take away all religions then what do humans have to live for. There would be no moral or reason to live your life right. The bible has been re-writen by man endless times. Who says it is actually true. What we could be reading is the words of a crazy man. A man or priest who thinks what he believes should be in the bible. Religion is the problem there is no god there is only what you manifest in your own minds
posted June 16, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Grant…YES, there really is a God. He had to give us freedom of choice, otherwise we would all be a bunch of programmed “human robots” following God, because we didn’t have a choice. God wants to be close to each of us because we CHOOSE to love Him, not because we have to. God does not make people suffer, Satan does. God allows us to be tested, but He also gives us the “tools” to deal with them. Everything good is God, everything evil is the devil. Satan and his followers work very hard to try to ingrain evil into every aspect of this world. I for one, do not really care when or how the world as we know it will end, only that it will at some point and I am ready if it happens in my lifetime!
posted June 17, 2008 at 2:43 am
You know, it is very dangerous to give the Enemy(Satan) too much credit for what goes on in the world. Christianity is a Monotheistic faith, Satan is definately NOT in any way God’s equal. Satan is a defeated foe, we are now engaged in a mop-up operation. There is absolutely no way for anyone to know when, or how, the world will ultimately end-if one is a Christian he/she has to take Jesus’ own words to heart; “No-one knows the day or the hour God has ordained for these things to take place (Christ’s return, Armaggedon, etc.), not even the Son, but the Father alone.” Instead of trying to figure out what or when, we should just follow the example of Jesus. And for Grant- Take a close look at what Jesus Christ teaches in the Bible. If you are honest with the text and with yourself, I think you will discover that no madman could have taught what Jesus taught about love and service to others.
posted June 20, 2008 at 5:40 am
Which had you rather do die beliving that there is a GOD and find
that there wasn’one or,die beliving there wasn’t a GOD amd find out that there was one?
posted June 20, 2008 at 8:55 am
I am essentially an agnostic and a Methodist by default – my parents were raised
Methodist. My maternal grandmother’s mother was brought up Baptist but was unchurched when she had the nerve to go to a square dance and then refused to beg
forgiveness and return to the bosom of the Baptist Church — so great-grandma went
and joined the Methodists.
To all who read this : Numbers 6:24-26
posted June 20, 2008 at 9:06 am
It seems that so many have become so confused when it comes to god, religion ect. By no means do I claim to be perfect in fact i am the biggest scew up since i dont know when. anywho….. He created perfection, he gave us everything and allowed us to do as we will. with one exeption the tree of knowlege. Ok are you still there. God knew that knowlege is the root of all evil. todays society over thinks everything and is never satisfied. We say why does he let us suffer? honey we brought this on ourselves!! we ignore him until we need him. Im not saying that some of us arent givin raw deals out of the gate! Some times we get caught in the cross fire of things that have nothing to do with us but know his love and remember this world isnt meant to last forever and however it may end it will end and he will never leave us nor forsake us and are reward is in heaven. So rejoce in his name and know that nothing lasts forever!
posted June 20, 2008 at 10:13 am
I believe just what the bible says about the end times, and we are in that now. Just like Jesus said Man looks at the wind and he can tell what the weather is going to be, why can we not see the signs of the times. Look at this world and what is going on. Some people say that there is no God, Well if they are right than I am going to hell when I die, If I am right and there is a God ( which by the way I am a born again christian and believe in God) than I go to heaven and they go to hell. And there is not middle of the road, one either believes in God or they do not. One takes either the big wide road of Destruction, or the small road that leads to God.
There is only One God, I do not care what you want to call him.
posted June 20, 2008 at 10:15 am
The author of this Top 10 Religious Beliefs About the Apocalypse IS WRONG in his opinion about what the Christians believe. It is possible that he, himself, is not one. The number of people who think they are Christian is larger than the number of people who really are Christian. This belief of the 1,000 years of tribulation, is a misunderstanding of those so-called Premillennialists who not understanding that the book of Revelation was written in symbols to cover up the message from those who not being Christian and having the power could and would not let the book circulate, because it was obviously against them. Understanding that the message of the book was a message of “hope” applicable to those living in the time of John, who were being persecuted by Rome. The book was written in such a way that it is still a message of “hope” applicable for us (Christians) today and forever. The Premillennialists take its symbols and make them literal. Not even understanding the nature of the kingdom of Jesus, which is a spiritual kingdom. It will never change it from an eternal nature (spiritual) to a temporal nature (earthly or physical).
posted June 21, 2008 at 1:03 am
It would seem to me that the signs of the end of time is near! Look their or floods around the world, there or also earthquakes; and wars! Some of the insects or disappearing, as well as fishes in the sea and animals! What was once wrong is right in this society! The discovery of ice on mar, which mean it might be life on mar. Yes there are many signs but still there or more signs to come!
posted June 21, 2008 at 10:04 am
None of us can nor will know when the end comes and Jesus return.
None can predict when, nor can we say as to what God has in store for us. I am not a pastor nor of any higher authority. I am a mere being that firmly believes in God, Son and Holy Spirit.
The truth of the matter is: “Yes!”, the End Times are coming!
When?, we do not know the day, nor the hour of Jesus’ return.
Take a look around and see the happenings that developing daily
as we read, hear, or watch of the goings-on with nature, politics, murders, immoral sins , many more.
Yes!, the end times can happen only in God, the creator of heaven and earth. It will be in God’s time not our time.
The only book read is the the book of truth: The Holy Bible. In those scriptures holds eternal life with the heavenly Father through God’s only true Son. Our lord of Lords and king of Kings, Christ Jesus.
posted June 21, 2008 at 10:22 am
People see what they want to see, and everyday I pray that God will let me see the good of his creation. Stop watching the network news which take the worst our world has to offer and spin it into global catastrophe! Impact your own circle of influence, family, neighbors, friends, business associates; and pay more attention to the little improvements you are able to make in God’s creation. No amount of worry or fretting over; the “weather”-global warming, religion-what others do or don’t believe, politics-the less the politicians accomplish the more a free society benefits, poverty-work in a soup kitchen lately or donate any food stuffs?, floods and natural disasters-donated any of your time to rebuilding the lives of the less fortunate?, is going to improve your life. Man will not destroy what God has created and man is not God!! Depressed? The only way out is in communion with your fellow “man”. Now take a deep breath and go smell a rose or a daisy, please.
posted June 22, 2008 at 3:03 am
Who do we think that we are? Is mankind so arrogant that we be believe that we have control over what God is doing? As we were created to worship in the beginning so will we return to where we came from. God gave us spirit that he placed in human frail bodies and gave us a choice to follow God or Satan. (another created being) God gave us free will and only wants us to love God. That by the way is the only thing he wants is our love. If that was forced it would not be real. Is the end near? Yes, in the year of our Lord 1948 when Jerusalem became a nation the end time clock began. The prophecy is being fulfilled in an alarming rate. We have as much time as God wants us to have to prepare to serve Him. As was in the beginning so shall it be in the end. The tree of life (Jesus) was taken from use only to be returned to us after the anti-Christ has been revealed. When you see peace that is the fake christ (Satan) He will woo you in by giving you false hope and giving worldly possessions (all that he has to offer) Satan comes to steal away from God what is rightfully God’s (us) Satan is the only one condemned to hell. We as the human race can make a choice to serve God or Satan. Read Genesis to see how we got here and don’t stop there keep reading and studying. You are the captain of your own destiny. God loves you and wants you to read His love letter to you. Use study tools to go back to the original language to get the full meaning of what God wants to reveal to you. Strong concordance is a great tool. God Bless
posted June 22, 2008 at 5:08 am
God says, to Be watchful, be ready, keep our lamps full. We all know that the end is near. It is no secret. God has told us & it is very evident, looking around us, that we are destroying, ourselves, our planet & also others around us. The signs are very revealing, BEWARE tho….. the Father of Lies (the anti-christ) will also come with lying signs & wonders… so, no matter when the day, BE WATCHFUL, BE WISE AS SERPENTS & HARMLESS AS DOVES, DO NOT CONFORM TO THIS WORLD… BUT LET’S WIN SOULS FOR CHRIST—-THATS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT… ISN’T IT? LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING, TRUST IN THE LORD!!! LET’S WIN AS MANY SOULS AS WE CAN BEFORE THE END!!!! AMEN!!!!
posted July 17, 2008 at 9:42 am
Hinduism is not at all a religeon. It is theory and practice of human life. Hinduism teaches 4 periods of the world. This is the forth perod ie Kaliyuga. In this period the world will come to an end.
posted July 31, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Has any Cristian on this board stopped to wonder why John wrote the book of Revelations? Has the possibility of John writing to seven churches 2000 years ago crossed your minds? Why would John write something that made no sense to his readers? Instead of relying on your own very literal interpretation of the entire Bible, might I suggest that you read some commentaries for books that interest you? I think this will help many expand their closed minds and see the meanings behind the poetic and metaphoric language used, especially in Revelations.
posted October 8, 2008 at 10:50 am
I believe all creation will be raptured with fire burning up one third of earth, the ocean going down and a wedding canopy of mist going over the earth for the millenium to be fruitfull like before Noah’s ark.
The greek word in 1 Thess 4;16-17 is the word for misty air.
Zechariah 14:10 says Jerusalem is raptured in place.
How else can all Islands and be moved except for the ocean to go down?
Rev 6:13, 16:12-20.
Go to BLB to see what I am saying is true on the litteral meanings of Greek and Hebrew.
See my fiction blog Exodus II or my nonfiction blog bannana Republican for more.
WE get gathered up from the four winds by the winds of bad weather beng taken away (Mt 24:31)
But like Lot and Noah you got to get out of the sodom place by going to alaska and all the way to Jerusalem (micah 7:15-19.)
Jesus said He would throw fire on earth but not nessessarily all of it (Luke 12:49, 2 Peter 3:10).
posted March 2, 2010 at 3:50 am
Hello fan-a-tics.
I was baptized as a catholic as most ppl in europe are.
I believe you are all blinded by your own lifes and teachings (religious/cultural).
God, Satan, Alah, Budha, The Scorpion King or Neo…
What is it? Why is there only one?
Why is Christian god the one? Why isnt the islamic the one?
Why not buddha? Why not me?
Most destruction in the world has been brought by religious groups
fighting eachother… if its not religion, its politics (just another kind of religion/belief)
Its sad you think the world has a deadline…
If anything has a deadline its your own life. As well as the life of ANY animal, plant, bacteria.
Its only Normal and Cyclic that a species (in this case humans) faces extinction. People always talk of us humans as if we were MORE important than any bacteria or virus… But we are NOT.
We were just lucky we developed the brain more than other species…
If god created us to his image, he must be very very hairy, because we all developed from hairy, quadruped, stupid monkeys…
And this isnt something that was wrote thousands of years ago or something some priest tells us to believe.
Its simply the ugly, proven, truth… We are not descendants of gods… We are descendants of monkeys. No one created us on purpose or to fulfil one purpose…
About the END:
Its true… we humans may all die by means of an apocalypse (asteroyde, nuclear event, radiation from space, whatever pleases you most)
But LIFE always recovers… always finds a way to slowly develop again.
posted December 1, 2010 at 8:13 pm
i love you. thank you so much for this post(:
posted September 2, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Every apocalypse beleifs are made from relgions. But why would a God or Goddess want to watch their children suffer? just because they dont follow their beleifs. any god or goddess based religon that talks about an end of an apocalypse that allows some people to suffer or go to hell is cruel and pretty stupid. (no affence to anyone this is my opinion)