My friends and I have been having fun lately emailing a list back and forth of what are the best of the worst Christian songs we grew up listening to. You know, those songs that are enjoyable, with lyrics you can't get out of your head, but at the same time you'd be slightly embarrassed if anyone came across them on your iPod.
So I condensed our lists and decided to share the final version of our list of songs we hate to love. It's not meant to be a mean-spirited list, just a fun way to look back at how much Christian music has--thankfully--changed.
Don't be afraid to add your best of the worst in the comments box below!
"Cartoon Song" by Chris Rice: It's fun, it's catchy and a concert favorite. But let's face it, Fred Flintstone singing hallelujah as "yabba dabba do ya" is about as theologically light as a wet crepe paper.
"Big House" by Audio Adrenaline: It's a song that has been sung by teenagers in youth groups all across America-- over and over and over again--usually in a crowded, broken-down bus on a mission trip where the chaperones have no means of escape. I am speaking from experience, folks.
"Shine" by Newsboys: Another snappy, happy, clappy tune that is hard to get out of your head but with such lyrical images as making a "vegetarian barbecue a hamster," it's a wonder the song didn't start a PETA protest.
"American Fast Food" by Randy Stonehill: Way before Morgan Spurlock came up with the idea for "Supersize Me," Stonehill warned us all against the evils of milkshakes and french fries.
"Live Out Loud" by Steven Curtis Chapman: I am sure it seems horribly inappropriate and insensitive that I would put Chapman on the list, but come on, the song mentions Regis Philbin.
"Word to the Father" by dc Talk: Let's face it, the entire "Free at Last" recording was pretty cheesy, but this song was one of the worst offenders. The Christian boy band did a pseudo-rap that included chicken noises. Even K-Fed can't say that. Still, it's a great song to work out to.
"Who's in the House?" by Carman: I know, how can you decide which Carman song to put on a list like this, right? But I picked this song because it has also been a youth group staple and I confess I once taught a dance to this song.
"Home Run" by Geoff Moore: After the song begins and announces that Geoff Moore and the Distance are getting ready for a day of baseball against the "big guy, the Prince of Darkness," the following sports metaphors are used: "Well, it's the wind-up, here comes that ball/You gotta pray and swing/ watch it till, it's goin, goin, it's gone!"
"Fat Baby" by Amy Grant: Anyone remember when she made the bad choice to sing this song on "The Tonight Show"? You can only imagine what Jay Leno was thinking when Amy sang about how "His spiritual tummy, it can't take too much. One day a week, he gets a spiritual lunch."
"Friends" by Michael W Smith: I personally would have gone for the Smitty classic "Rocketown" for cheese factor, but "Friends" has been sung at graduations for years now so my friends say it get's the nod as one of the all-time best of the worst.
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To add my own:
Steve Taylor's Meltdown and It's the 80's by Daniel Amos
How about the beautiful "play on words" songs from Point of Grace:
Saving Grace:
A song about saving a little girl named Grace.
"Its all about saving grace
All about living love
Being jesus to those he came to save
Sharing life and giving our own away
Its all about serving god
All about saving grace"
And "The Great Divide":
"There's a bridge to cross the great divide...
There's a cross to bridge the great divide..."
I remember when listening to "Christian" music that wasn't hymns played on the church organ and piano consisted of Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, DeGarmo & Key, and Sandy Patti. They must have done a lot of talking in between songs back then because there wasn't much in the rotation.
Petra (Greg X. Volts era), Steve Taylor (Tuesday was Christian skate night at the skating rink in Crown Point, IN and we skated to everything this man ever sang), and a few others only came to me via Columbia House.
In my early 20's I was introduced to the Newsboys, DC Talk, Audio Adrenaline and if you thought Stryper was cheese try Tourniquet (lots of potential to measure up to Metallica, but somehow the screeching was always out of tune, but it came in handy a few years ago when I had some rude neighbors with loud music. I proved that I could play something louder and more annoying.)
These days there are so many "Christian" music artists and bands that I can't keep track. But I'm okay with that. I enjoy being able to sing along with deeply spiritual songs some days and others I just want to head bang to non-offensive lyrics. Me likes the variety.
Cheesy lyrics are not reserved for Christian music though. Most secular music is completely lacking in this area too.
If you seek true lyrical talent, you must look to Weird Al.
For the record, the Cartoon Song is my least favorite and my choice for most annoying song. It was cute the first time I heard, but once was enough.
Oh, I have to disagree with "Big, Big House" and "Cartoon Song." I love those to death.
Breakfast by Newsboys
"When the toast is burned,
And all the milk has turned
And cap'n crunch is wavin' farewell.
When the big one finds you
May this song remind you
That they don't serve breakfast, in hell"
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