“Both Chris Brown and Rihanna, if I were your friend, I’d call you up and say, ‘Give it some time. Get yourself some counseling. Take care of yourself. Heal yourself first…. If a man hits you once, he will hit you again. He will hit you again.”
a couple years before my husband committed suicide i got so angry with him for finally admitting a particular affair after telling me for a year i was psychotic that i pounded him on top of his head and broke my fifth metacarpal. when he took me to the emergency room the nurses and doctors chuckled and laughed when i told them i hit my husband’s head. i wondered if they would have done the same had it been the other way around and he broken his hand after hitting my head. no one filed a report against me to the police. i didn’t manage to bruise him but my hand was broken, so i must have hit him hard.
are men different from women when they lash out physically? are only men “once an abuser, always an abuser?” my husband and i had gotten in a handful of physical scuffles over 20 years, but i don’t think bruises were ever involved. is there scientific data that proves that if someone is physically violent once they will be forever? i am usually as gentle as a lamb with everyone i know.
i think forgiveness means setting someone free. “i release you. be healed. to heaven with you.” but it doesn’t mean putting yourself in harm’s way to prove you have forgiven.

I agree with Oprah 100%. If he did it once, he’ll do it again.
While my situation was different, i had a physically abusive father, who did it a lot of the time, which included beating up my mother so many times that her ribs were broken several times.
If a man or woman is physically abusive, they won’t change unless they have a reason to do so and even then, it’s no guarantee.

I have never been abused or touched by anyone in my entire life, and I’m a very nice and forgiving person. my husband hit me once – very bad, very messy, and i was in shock. i forgave him. guess what? did it again a few days later, but even worse, and this time no hesitation. I forgave him again. A year and a half goes by, perfectly fine, and then one night, guess what? he starts throwing me around like a rag doll. I thought to myself in the midst of it “this time i’m going to die.” i got away somehow and called the police, which i had never done before, and thanked God for my life. And one more, a few weeks later, after all of this, he looks me in the face and says “I want to beat your face in.” I call the police immediately. The state eventually prosecuted him and took him away on their own accord. So don’t tell me that if a man thinks he can hit a woman once, that he won’t turn into a monster and do it again until he eventually murders his victim. “Once an abuser always an abuser” is infinitely true. I know. You don’t know the horror unless you’ve been hit. Once a dog gets a taste of blood, they just want to kill. i don’t know about women, but men, with the exception of those that don’t hit at all, are like this.

I have never been abused or touched by anyone in my entire life, and I’m a very nice and forgiving person. my husband hit me once – very bad, very messy, and i was in shock. i forgave him. guess what? did it again a few days later, but even worse, and this time no hesitation. I forgave him again. A year and a half goes by, perfectly fine, and then one night, guess what? he starts throwing me around like a rag doll. I thought to myself in the midst of it “this time i’m going to die.” i got away somehow and called the police, which i had never done before, and thanked God for my life. And one more, a few weeks later, after all of this, he looks me in the face and says “I want to beat your face in.” I call the police immediately. The state eventually prosecuted him and took him away on their own accord. So don’t tell me that if a man thinks he can hit a woman once, that he won’t turn into a monster and do it again until he eventually murders his victim. “Once an abuser always an abuser” is infinitely true. I know. You don’t know the horror unless you’ve been hit. Once a dog gets a taste of blood, they just want to kill. i don’t know about women, but men, with the exception of those that don’t hit at all, are like this.

I guess it’s in order to say when a woman points a gun and threatens you with it she will do it again. Is that right Oprah or is there another made up syndrome someone can come up with?

My father was a ww2 veteran with ptsd. at that time there were no diagnosis’s for this malody.I was about 4yo at the time. I am 54 yo now,But the memories are still fresh after all these years. The amount of disfunction was unfathomable. We were all put in foster homes. all at a very young age. Except for my older brother. He remained on his own. The point I’m trying to make here is that my older brother witnessed the abuse between my mother and father and became a wife beater as well. The rest of the family (and I use that term loosely) were well aware of this I believe it was a learned behavior. That learned behavior proved to be a very tragic end for everyone invovled. the truth about abuser’s is that this is a cycle of violence that will not end unless the object of violenece disappears. Even then the violence is turned inwards………

I was the victim of neglect and abuse as a child. When I was old enough to marry I married an abuser. The first time he hit me we had been married for 1-2 weeks. I stayed, figuring he was just upset and it wouldn’t happen again. 2 months later I had a black eye, he was upset over me speakling to an old male friend. This man didn’t work, didn’t look for work and drank all day. I would get paid he would take my paycheck. He chased me with a butcher knife through my neighborhood at 9:00pm at night. He would make me sleep with other me that I would have to pick up. I got pregnant with his child. One night he comes home in a drunken stupor and beats me bad. There is blood coming from my eye and my arm is so badly sprained I can’t use it. I am 8 months pregnant. I finally got the courage to leave this man after my daughter turned 2. My daughter is now 32. I am a better person, but the baggae you carry from it is not worth the time spent in it!

I was raised by an alcoholic father who became very physically and verbally abusive when he drank. My mother, my older sister and I were all victims of physical and verbal abuse. My mother finally got tired after 16 years of insanity.
The impact of being raised in a domestic violated home is far reaching. I beleive it has left me with anger inside that has often spilled over in my relationships with others, particularly men.
Some men can get better if they accept their responsibility and seek treatment. Most don’t because they spend their lives blaming others for their behavior and they always find women who have victim mentality.
Rihanna should be no where near Christ Brown who has had no time for long term treatment. HOw sad.
Foxy Stan

It’s sad to read some of these stories and I am sure your telling the truth. But why is it different when a guy tells it. As a guy my ex-would beat on me, call me names she has even ripped doors off there henges and tore up the house. Why isn’t this abuse? Don’t let women fool you they are tough when they want to be and little weak angels in a court room sobbing and putting on an act. My ex is a master at this yet she refuses to take a polygraph, I wonder why! I think men who do really beat women are sick but where do you draw the line on defense? Are we allowed to defend ourselves because when we do then we are the ones that go to jail. Why are men earmarked as abusers when he strikes her for life and a woman isn’t. Debbie La’Vey can rape a boy and she’s to pretty to go to jail! Did you hear that Racist Oprah say anything about her? No excuse for Chris Brown but come on, do you really think she was just sitting there with her mouth shut being the sweetest angel she could be? In most cases it takes to to tango men should not hit women and women should not hit men period. But if it does happen both should attend anger management classes and forgive and go on with your life. Oprahs opinion is just shoot the guy, no help out there for him, and for what you did to provoke him, well who cares your a woman. All these excuses about taking after their fathers are just that. My dad was not nice to my mom some things I wish I could forget, but how it made me was not wanting to be like that so it works the other way also with no excuse.

I think everyone should have got both side of the story,no one knows if Rihanna did something to stard the fight.I know a man should not hit a women,but who knows he could have been protecting his self.I am a women and I don’t belive in men hitting women,but there have been some men killed buy women and they were not doing a thing.So I pray for them both. God Bless

“He could have been protecting himself” From what? Words,Screaming?
Okay. But that is not equal to making someone bruise and bleed etc. in return. He’s Young & Handsome & Talented & Famous. He Still needs Professional help. O.J Simpson was all of these things once also and he did not get help nor receive punishment all those years he was married, seperated etc.Now Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman are Dead. Their lives ended Horribly and Far Too early and Family & Friends are Still in pain over this today. It affects us all when these things happen.We never get over it.

P.S
I forgot to add if he was protecting himself why does he not have a single hair out of place.Look at her after and his after then look at their before pics. What is wrong with this picture? Hmmmm..

Phyllis
Come on, most men don’t bruise from women beatings, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Why is it called verbal abuse and against the law when a man is saying words and screaming? Rumor has it that she hit him with her Stiletto High Heel of course you won’t hear that in the media or from the Racist Oprah “Deadly Weapon”. But no-matter, as a man he did go to far and should be punished and he will. I wish that he had used his strength to restrain her from throwing a fit but he didn’t but rest assure he would have still been arrested for touching her. That’s the way it is only in America!

As one who suffered physical abuse from my husband, I can say that Oprah’s warning is right on the money. For years, I told myself that he loved me and why do I keep making him angry. Well, after 10 yrs., it finally clicked – - – get away from him. I took my son (7 yrs. old), and ran as fast as our legs could take us. I could not stand to see the damage the fighting was doing to our child. It was the best decision I ever made. True, I struggle financially for a while, but I ketp looking at the bigger picture – - – freedom! Twenty years later, my ex and I became good friends. He seeked help and got it. He became a pretty decent human being. It was too late for our relationship, but not for he and his son. He turned back into the person that I fell in love with. There were no hard feelings between us when he passed away the same time as our son was off to college. I cried and missed him terribly.

People need to stop commenting on this stuff like they were in the car. There’s only one side being told because one person got battered the most. But, it is becoming more public just how the two of them used to fight and Rihanna did a lot of battering too. Honestly, I think this relationship is a disaster waiting to happen again because of both of them growing up in homes with domestic violence. They should run far away from each other cause Rihanna is rummored to be jealous, controlling, and physically violent too. Chris has already been provoked and lost control once. Who knows what will happen the next time? They need to at least take a break from each other to do some counseling for a good year—no attachment. Love and sex clouds the mind for both parties

Your Name, you’re so far off the mark on this one, it’s frightening. I really hope you never have any daughters.