If you are at all active in the national American Muslim community, or if you have paid attention in the least bit to the myriad of issues Muslim-Americans have struggled with since the tragedy of 9/11, then you've heard of Asra Nomani--activist, Muslim feminist, the "bad girl of Islam" as dubbed by the media. Why is Nomani a hot topic, even today? When many Americans saw Islam as a religion of violence, when Muslim women were viewed through the lens of full-covered burkas as second-class citizens, when many Americans feared what was being preached in American mosques, Nomani sought to expose what she thought was wrong with how her religion was being practiced--and subsequently rocked the American Muslim community to its core.
Nomani's story is told in "The Mosque in Morgantown," part of the "America at a Crossroads" series, airing tonight at 10 p.m. on PBS (check your local listings). The program details how she returned to her hometown from Pakistan, pregnant and alone, after dealing with the death of her Wall Street Journal colleague, Daniel Pearl in 2001. In shock, Nomani turned to her parents and her home to recoup.
But as she went to her mosque to gather strength, she felt exclusion. And so her fight started as a local one--to include women more in mosque activities, to enter in through the same door as men, and to pray side-by-side with them. But as time passed and people took sides, Nomani harnessed the power of the media to explore and expose hot-button issues for American Muslims.
Nomani has been and continues to be a divisive figure in the American Muslim community. I've known her since my college days, when she mentored me a little bit as I studied journalism at the University of Maryland and she worked in the Washington, D.C. bureau of the WSJ. And though I've always admired her tenacity, her drive, and her commitment to her cause, that cause itself and her methods haven't always sat well with me.
Putting aside the question of if a woman should pray next to a man and if a woman can lead prayer, the larger issue put forth by the PBS program is how Muslims should pursue change in their mosques and communities: Through a complete rejection of conservative (or extremist, as Nomani sees it) Muslim leadership, or, as the moderates in Morgantown believed, trying to see some good in conservative Muslims and appeal to base decency to bring about change.
It's an issue that remains vital to the growth of the American Muslim community today--do we completely reject any type of extremist speech because it can be, as Nomani says in the program, a slippery slope to terrorism. On face value, that makes perfect sense to do so. But, as moderates like Ihtishaam Qazi and Hazem Bata in the Morgantown community show, it is way more complicated than that. If nothing else, watch the program to see that unfold.
The PBS program on Nomani is a fair attempt to explore this question. But too many things are left untold for me: How does Christine Arja, a Muslim convert who initially opposed Nomani become her only ally? Why can't Nomani and moderates like Qazi and Bata come to terms when they seem to want some of the same things for their mosque? Because if they can't build bridges, then what hope is there for the larger tasks at hand?
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To: Your Name, I thoroughly enjoyed your response to Observer. Allahuakbar.
To Observer: i have tried to answer some of the misconceptions about Islam that you have in mind. May Allah help you understand it.
Islam emphasizes upon harmony, love and kindness in the marital life as in other relationships of society. The home is the center in a society; if there holds complete understanding, love and care between spouses and they lead a satisfying life, that puts positive effect on the children as well, thus helping in the transformation of society.
The holy Quran says:
“And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them, and He has created love and kindness between you. Surely in this there are signs for a people who reflect.” (30:21)
“For them (women) are (rights) similar to those on them, according to the beautiful standard, though for men there is a step above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise.” (2:228)
“Deal with women correctly and with kindness. If then, you dislike them, then it is possible that you dislike something while Allah has created abundance of goodness in it.” (4:19)
“If a woman fears ill treatment or aversion from her husband, then, there is no sin on them in entering into a compromise between them. Compromise is better. Avarice is made to be present in human souls. If you do good and fear Allah, then, Allah is All-Aware of what you do.” (4:128)
“O you who believe, it is not lawful for you that you should forcibly take women as inheritance. Do not hold on to them so that you may take away some of what you have given them, unless they commit a clearly shameful act. Live with them in the recognized manner. If you dislike them, then it is quite likely that you dislike something and Allah has placed a lot of good in it.” (4:19)
The holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) has also emphasized this in his various sayings:
“The best among you are those who are the best toward their wives.”
“The Believer (husband) should not harbor enmity for his wife. If he dislikes something in her, then surely, he will be pleased with another quality in her.” (Muslim)
“The Believer with the most perfect faith is one who has the best character and who is the kindest to his wife.”
“Allah loves a man who caresses his wife. Both of them are awarded reward because of this loving attitude and their sustenance is increased.”
“When a man enters his home cheerfully, Allah creates, as a result of his happy attitude, an angel who engages in prayers of forgiveness on behalf of the man until the Day of Judgment.”
“Be kind to women, for verily they have been created from a rib. The most crooked rib is the uppermost one. If you seek to (entirely) straighten it, you will break it and if you leave it, it will remain crooked. Therefore, be kind to women.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
“A woman is like a rib (crooked). If you straighten her, you will break her. If you derive benefit with her, you will derive it from her while there is crookedness in her.” (Bukhari)
“Do not assault her and do not abuse her.”
The burden of financial responsibilities is placed on men by Islam and not on women. A husband is responsible for his wife, a father for his unmarried daughter, a son for his mother when she grows old, and a brother for his sister to look after her if there’s nobody else for her.
When asked what the right of wife is over the husband, Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) replied:
“He should feed her when he eats; he should clothe her when he wears and he should not separate from her (in wrath) except in regard to the bed…”
A husband can not force his wife to go outside of her home and earn for the family. It is totally outside her range of duties, and she will be acting perfectly within the scope of her rights by refusing to comply with her husband’s wish or order for her to earn for the household or for her own provisions. A man should understand that if he is annoyed by his wife’s refusal to accept any of his unlawful commands, his annoyance is in fact directed against the Command of Allah the Almighty.
The Quran says:
“There is no obedience for creation in disobedience to the Creator.”
The husband has to take into consideration the standard of living his wife enjoyed in her parent’s home. It is his duty to keep her comfortable and happy by spending on her within his means. In making available these provisions, the husband should not feel that he is making too much of a sacrifice. When a man brings a woman - someone else’s daughter - into his home as his wife, he must understand that he has not engaged a servant. He has brought her for love and comfort which he expects of her and she of him. The Quran describes this mutual love and comfort of husband and wife most beautifully in the following verse:
“They (women) are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.”
A wife too goes out of her way to make him comfortable. Despite her weaknesses and indiscretions, she has her husband’s rest and pleasure uppermost in mind.
Although equal rights have been assigned to women and men, men have been given a rank higher not because of their piety, or their being more close to Allah, but for the administrative purpose only.
“Men are caretakers of women, since Allah has made some of them excel the others, and because of the wealth they spend (for the maintenance of women). So, the righteous women are obedient, (and) guard (the property and honor of their husbands) in (their) absence with the protection given by Allah.” (4:34)
While they have been held responsible for the maintenance and administration of a home, men will also be answerable before Allah if they mistreat any of their household members, or do not pay attention to their needs and rights, or not take part in their proper training , just like a ruler is responsible for the efficient functioning of the affairs of a society. Prophet (PBUH) has said:
“Everyone of you is a shepherd and everyone of you will be questioned about his flock.”
While men are being commanded to treat women well, wives are also being directed about their behaviors. Prophet (PBUH) has said:
“The curse of Allah is on a woman who is angry with her husband.” (Dailami)
“A woman who dies whilst her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.” (Ibn Majah)
“A woman who asks her husband for divorce, the fragrance of Paradise becomes unlawful for her.” (Tirmizi)
“When the husband calls his wife to bed and she refuses, causing him to sleep displeased (with her) then the angels curse her until the morning.” (Bukhari)
“The best of women is the one who makes her husband feel happy when he glances at her; she obeys him when he instructs and she does not oppose him in regard to herself and her wealth by doing what he dislikes.” (Baihaqi)
Unlike the western society where a woman has become an object of display and pleasure for the whole society, Islam regards a woman with respect. She is a precious being and a queen of her home in Islam. Do not look at the illiterate Muslim societies of today to get a picture of true behavior of Islam. The Muslims today are not aware of the teachings of Islam anymore, and that’s why we see a chaos in Muslim societies where they are trying to blindly follow the west in all their shortcomings as well. Either they mistreat women because of ignorance or they follow the west and force their women to become an earning member of society as well as do all the household chores - men do not help them in any of those responsibilities, however they have overburdened them with their own responsibilities also.
Divorce:
Islam discourages divorce to the last extent. Prophet (PBUH) said:
“The most detestable of things made lawful by Allah is divorce.”
“Allah has not created anything on earth more detestable to Him than divorce.”
The holy Quran says:
“If you fear a split between them (the spouses), send one arbitrator from his people and one from her people. If they desire to set things right, Allah shall bring about harmony between them. Surely, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” (4:35)
However, if disputes have come to an insoluble stage and separation has become inevitable, then Islam allows both the spouses to separate ‘gracefully’, instead of their trying to adopt ‘illegal’ ways to escape out of the wedlock.
“If they separate, Allah shall, through His capacity, make each of them need-free (of the other). Allah is All-Embracing, All-Wise.” (4:130)
“The divorced women deserve a benefit according to the fair practice, being an obligation on the God-fearing.” (2:241)
Islam also prohibits men from taking back what they gave as gifts to their wives during the ‘good times’. As Quran says:
“If you want to take a wife in place of the one (you have), and you have given her plenty of wealth, then do not take any of it back. Would you take it through imputation and open sin? How can you take it when you have had access to each other and they have taken a firm covenant from you?” (4:20-21)
To Your Name (the third!) June 19, 4:48 AM
Perhaps it would have been better if I had not quoted Bible verses. These ideas are not superior just because they’re in one book or another. Just look at the words themselves (forget the Holy Books, forget the religions, and even the sexes). Just – which concepts are superior? 1) A) beating or B) love; 2) A) denial or B) deference; 3) A) separation or B) forgiveness; 4) A) divorce or B) reconciliation. And re obedience, I could add 5) A) coerced obedience (“tough love”) or B) obedience as a response to self-sacrificing love. It’s clear that the B’s are superior, in whatever book they are found.
Yes, sometimes the response to love, forgiveness, and truth is anger and heartache. Then prayer is a powerful ally, and God can change hearts miraculously. Jesus said forgive “seventy times seven.” (Isn’t there something similar in the Quran?)
Now I know what it’s like to be profiled. I am Christian, but I didn’t “demonize” Islam in my post. There is much in Dr. Shafaat’s remarks with which I agree. I also admire Islam’s commitment to modesty, both in women’s and men’s dress and behavior (in general). The topic was Surah 4:34, and instead of demonizing it, I said it was reasonable but that it fell short.
Thank you, Beezam, for your detailed reply. But apparently you are assuming that, just because I’m Christian, that I have “misconceptions” about Islam. If I do, they haven’t appeared yet in my posts. Then “Your Name” threw me in with the Christians who are “demonizing” Islam, but I did no such thing. I hope this type of knee-jerk reaction to a Christian is not typical of Muslims. My comments were limited to Surah 4:34, and I merely said I thought that it addressed marital problems far less effectively than other ideas. I quoted a couple Bible verses that show the better ideas. I have an open mind. If you (or a Hindu or a Buddhist or an atheist) can show me something better than the verses I quoted, I’ll adopt them. No one has yet shown me anything better.
However, I agree with many of the Quran verses Beezam listed, but some of the comments express deficient ideas. I hope these don’t have the authority of the Quran. (But Islam is not alone: some Christian commentators on the Bible have said some erroneous things.)
Just one example: the “crooked rib.” Men are crooked too; we’re ALL crooked. But God can straighten us without breakage.
But God did not create divorce. Divorce is an evil idea from the corrupt human mind. There is no evil in God, and He did not create the evil in our hearts or Satan’s heart.
to observer: who do you think created the evil then? all good and evil in the whole universe has been created by Allah (the Almighty), the reason being that He wants to test us whether we follow the evil path or the straight path (leading to Paradise) according to the guidance provided by Him. You are trying to limit the power of Allah the Almighty by saying that He is able to create the good only. He is The Most Supreme, the All Powerful; He can not get overcome or subdued with any feelings, qualities, or emotions (like we humans do), otherwise He can not be the God!!!!
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