Esther Kustanowitz: July 2007 Archives

Before we get started, let's clear up some misconceptions: Arctic Tale is not the sequel to "An American Tail," so don't look for an appearance by Feivel Mousekewitz. And it's not about penguin migration as narrated by Morgan Freeman. Instead, we get two other animal protagonists, not animated in the comic-drawn sense: Seela, a walrus and Nanu, a polar bear. How does storyteller/narrator Queen Latifah know their names? That’s why she's the Queen.

Since Seela and Nanu are natural enemies, this is no buddy tale of two rascally animals who leave their packs to seek their fortunes together. Instead, we see two young female animals being shepherded through the early stages of life (through adolescence) by their mothers while their arctic environment melts around them. Nanu’s mother raises her and her "unfocused" brother, teaching them to hunt seals through layers of ice and snow. Seela's mother and aunt teach her to climb onto patches of ice and protect her from predators. It is a tale of family, life-and-death issues, and the price of survival.

Both the walrus and the polar bear are all about family: The polar bear in a nuclear, single mother-two kids family that wanders as a group. The walrus is in a great, corpulent Sister Sledge-worthy family. Fathers are absent, and the only male figures in the film are the predatory male polar bear and the wizened old grandpa walrus who smells ice re-forming somewhere in the distance. Otherwise, women are in charge of the action.

Call it my devotion to the peculiar, but I think there's something about a non-linear film. It challenges you to pay attention more closely--to look for clues at every turn. From Pulp Fiction to Memento, these flicks are about more than just cheap thrills; romances, elements of the supernatural, and seemingly random plot twists serve a higher purpose.

In Premonition, the seemingly straight to video (or slightly less than straight to video) Sandra Bullock flick, turns and clues abound. If you've seen the preview, you think you know what's coming--a supernatural thriller. Sandra's husband (played by the intense Julian McMahon) is dead...and then alive! And then dead again? And the days of the week are out of order. Is alien abduction to blame? Is it the end of days? Is she insane? Can she impact the future and save her husband from fate? Was it all a dream? Is it an end-of-days scenario with Bullock as the lone prophet?

No spoilers from me on this one. But within the film lies a surprise; serious discussion of the function of both faith, and the absence of faith; the redemptive power of love and focusing on the things you find to be really important. One thing I will tell you; the covered mirrors are not, as I thought, an indication that the characters are Jewish. (The misdirect may not be intentional, but it's there for those whose minds are open to perceiving it.)

As you watch, your mind cycles through the conventions of cinema, and predicts the endings you've seen before. But come the end of the film, you may not know exactly what has happened, but there is still satisfaction, and I think that says something--about the power of movies, and about the power of faith and love.

In a field north of Dorchester in Dorset, Britain is a chalk drawing known as the Cerne Abbas giant--a fertility symbol with a giant phallus. As it is said in the reliable book of Wikipedia, "For hundreds of years it was local custom to erect a maypole within the earthwork about which childless couples would dance to promote fertility, and even today childless couples are known to visit the site in order to copulate in the hope that they might have a child." The site was also visited in 2004 by "Sex and the City" star Kim Catrall.

But now, a worthy field opponent has appeared to challenge the giant to a duel in the name of sweet, sweet lovin'.

The challenger's pate is shiny with the slick of verility. His rounded jaw, instantly hirsute the moment after shaving has been completed, is testament to his manliness. Belly ... rounded like the Buddha; intelligence ... unparalleled, in a certain unparallelable way. Garbed in the most minimal of tidy whities, he's ready to whup ass and take names. His weapon of choice? A giant donut, sacriliciously outstretched in anticipation of triumph. He is Homer Simpson. And he's just the man to take on the giant.

Cooked up as a publicity stunt to promote "The Simpsons Movie," which is opening July 27th, the drawing is done in water-based biodegradable paint, which its creators said would dissolve in the next rain. Ann Bryn-Evans, joint Wessex district manager for The Pagan Federation, said in a bbc.com article: "We were hoping for some dry weather but I think I have changed my mind. We'll be doing some rain magic to bring the rain and wash it away." And this isn't giant Homer's first foray into advertising. He's been used to promote such tasteful items as condoms, jeans, and bicycles.

Next match: the giant vs. Chef from South Park.

Plus, see Beliefnet's top ten (plus one) religious moments from "The Simpsons" here.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Flight? Heat vision? The ability to shoot spiderwebs out of your wrists? And then there are the myriad accessories, gadgets and cool rides that go along with being a superhero: cool boots, the Batmobile, tights ... and of course a Star of David paddle that you could use to deflect any attack?

If you've never heard of that last gadget, you're not alone. The Star of David paddle is part of the arsenal of one of the contestants on the SciFi show "Who Wants to Be a Superhero?" Named Mr. Mitzvah, he is the son of Holocaust survivors, and his other powers are flight, night vision, and super strength. His weakness? You guessed it: non-kosher food.

According to the Forward:

Mr. Mitzvah will compete for the chance to appear in a comic created by Stan Lee, and to have his character made into an action figure by Shocker Toys ... [comics legend Stan] Lee is once again hosting and producing the hit show, which this season will take place in a fictional city — in the fashion of comic books — where the contestants will live full time as their heroic alter egos. Each week, the would-be superheroes, supervised by Lee, will face challenges based on courage, compassion, resourcefulness and other heroic qualities. They will even face villains in their bid to prove themselves. This season’s contestants include such diverse super people as Braid, a shape-shifter with prehensile hair; Ms. Limelight, a luscious blonde who takes on traits of famous action stars, and Hygena, who fights crime with a variety of super cleaning utensils.

You do have to admit that Braid is a pretty kick-ass name for a superhero, although I might prefer to add a "The" in front of the name. ("The Braid." Say it out loud.) But I'm not sure prehensile (adapted for seizing, grasping, or taking hold of something) hair is a great superpower. But what kind of a chance does our Mr. Mitzvah have at winning this contest? If we've learned anything from the Oscars, any story involving the Holocaust may just have a decent shot.

Want to find out who wins? The second season of "Who Wants to Be a Superhero?" premieres July 26 on SciFi.