Lilit Marcus: April 2007 Archives

Pairs of hands all over the country were clasped in prayer last night. "Thank you, God," said thousands of mouths, exalting their voices to the divine. Were they thanking Him for good weather, for providing food, or for curing a sick loved one?

No. They were thanking Him for finally getting Sanjaya off of "American Idol."

Sanjaya Malakar, a 17-year-old from Washington State, has been the single most talked-about candidate on the show this season. Not because he's the best. Not because people loved the inspiring story of how he couldn't be happy he made the Top 40 because his own twin sister got cut. No, the reason he was so popular was this: He had little talent (except for his hair, maybe).

To be fair, I liked Sanjaya until he made the top 24. He came off as a sweet, although kind of naive, kid. I preferred his voice to those of other male contestants like Sundance Head, Jared Cotter, and the way-overrated Chris Richardson. It wasn't until Sanjaya made the top 12 and had to sing next to people like frontrunner Melinda Doolittle, that it became clear how outclassed he was. Then he became the darling of Web site www.votefortheworst.com (which asks people to vote for the least talented singer on "Idol," thus undermining the show from within) and Howard Stern, who urged his listeners to vote for Sanjaya.

Here's one thing I think went largely missing in the hubbub surrounding Sanjaya, whose increasingly wacky hairstyles and underwhelming performances became more interesting than anything else on the show: He's 17. I don't care how mature he is, he's still 17. The second youngest male contestant on the show, Chris Richardson, is 23. The other teenager on the show, Jordin Sparks, has been mostly praised by the judges and in the press.

I remember myself at 17--major body image issues, definitely not comfortable in my own skin. If you'd put me on TV and made me endure the kind of public ridicule Sanjaya's been subjected to, I would have needed psychological counseling.

In a season that even the judges have called lackluster, Sanjaya was used to get people to tune in. The more people hated Sanjaya, the more they tuned in to mock his singing and see what crazy outfit he'd come out wearing next. The show capitalized on his unpopularity. The only winner was "American Idol," who spits out aspiring performers with no remorse while collecting enough ad revenue to feed a third-world country. And why were they able to keep getting away with it? Because you, and me, and plenty of other Americans kept watching. Because we implicitly tell the producers their cruelty is okay by continuing to endorse their program.

We are all Sanjaya. If you were on the street and fell, would you want people to point and laugh, or would you want them to help you up? What if they broadcast your fall on TV and asked the whole world to laugh at you? Sanjaya managed to keep a sense of humor about being constantly mocked. I doubt I could do the same.

If you're going to thank God that Sanjaya is kicked off the show, at least thank God that this guy won't have to keep dealing with being regularly humiliated on television.

Two of my favorite things are spirituality and kitsch. That's why I love coming across something like the Choose Your Religion Wheel. It's a brightly colored cardboard wheel with different religions written around the outside. Pointing the dial on a religion provides you with a basic description plus information on "Potential New Friends" (membership), "Drawbacks," "Perks," "Afterlife Promises," and "Accessories/Paraphernalia."

The religions include the major ones (Hinduism, Judaism), denominations within major ones (Quakerism, Pentecostalism), maligned ones (Scientology, The Moonies), and the non-religious ones (Psychoanalysis, Atheism).

Let's see what the wheel says about one of my favorite "religions," Consumerism.

Accessories/Paraphernalia: Credit cards, designer jeans, SUVs, suburban tract homes.

Drawbacks: Credit overuse begets spiritual bankruptcy. Hard to keep up with Joneses. Corporate leaders unaccountable.

Perks: Few rules. Fun for those with disposable income.

Afterlife Promises: Can't take it with you, but can leave it to the kids.

For a more detailed "what religion are you?" questionnaire, try Beliefnet's Belief-O-Matic. To purchase a Choose Your Religion Wheel, click here. I also recommend the Wheel of Excuses.

I remember watching the finale of "7th Heaven." Even though I hadn't been following the show since most of the Camden kids moved out and a string of random houseguests filtered through, I felt enough of a loyalty to tune in for the last episode. Apparently, three million other people felt the same loyalty I did, and the high-rated finale prompted CW Network executives to give the show another chance.

What that meant though, was that the show's writers had to back themselves out of a corner. They'd written a finale that included no fewer than three characters all becoming pregnant with twins. How would they deal with that storyline? Here's how--keep two of the characters offscreen and never talk about them: Mary (played by Jessica Biel, who famously left the show after posing for racy magazine photos) and Sarah, wife of Matt (the oldest Camden kid). The third, middle child Lucy Camden Kinkirk, had a miscarriage during the summer hiatus.

This time, apparently, "7th Heaven" is going away for real. Part of me still remembers the early days of this show when the kids were younger and the storylines were about things that happened in everyday life. I don't love seeing what the show has become: random guest stars, poorly written dialogue, and love interests that come out of nowhere. (T-Bone? Ruthie's boyfriend's name is T-Bone?) The show has been ready to exit for awhile now. Jessica Biel is off making movies. Barry Watson, who played Matt, has his own show, "What About Brian?" Even Catherine Hicks, who helps anchor the show as mom Annie Camden, has been working part time this year.

It's time for them--and us--to move on.

That said, I'm skeptical for the time being. After last year's eleventh-hour Hail Mary, I'm not going to count this show out. Unless someone has photographs of the set being demolished or copies of contracts proving that every single actor from this show is appearing on another show this season, I'm still expecting it to come on every Sunday night. Or, at the very least, a spinoff.