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It's a good thing Idol Chatter didn't wait until its long-awaited Solomon Islands vacation to see "The Da Vinci Code." The N.Y. Times reports that the small Pacific nation plans to ban the controversial movie... even though there are no movie theaters in the entire country.

It's comforting to know that, should some entrepreneur suddenly see a business opportunity in the cinema-deprived Solomon Islands and quickly open a theater, the country's 500,000 residents (97% of whom are Christian) will be protected against any inclinations this savvy business person might have to launch his venture with Ron Howard's little art-house flick as its first feature.

I heard a sermon on Broadway last night, and it wasn't in the nearby Church of Scientology. It is the opening scene of the Pulitzer Prize-winning "Doubt," and it sets the tone for a powerful play that poses the questions: How far do we go in the pursuit of righting a (perceived) wrong? How do we balance our own inner certainty with an always-more-ambiguous reality?

The setting was the 1960s, but the scenario was achingly contemporary: At a Catholic grade school, a nun suspects a young priest of abusing at least one student. No doubt about what to do there, right? Protect the boy, do whatever it takes to separate the priest from his victims and potential victims. But it's not so simple. The play sets up two alternate narratives, each with its holes but both equally plausible.

The first: A popular priest gets too close with a student and takes advantage of a boy who is in need of attention and love, especially from a male role model. A slick-talker, he's been in trouble before, but managed to weasel out, and get transferred to a new parish without his new community knowing a thing. And in his new position, like his old one, the church hierarchy handles complaints by asking the accused whether it's true and believing his denials. Faced with an institution unwilling to act, the individual must step up and do what she can to protect the children.

The second: It is normal--necessary--for a priest to befriend his flock members and to take a special interest in the needs of those shunned by friends or facing difficult, even abusive, family situations. Parishioners and school children can flourish if treated with warmth, friendliness, and a casual approachability, in contrast to the strict, aloof, law-and-order authority figures of past generations. Discipline must sometimes take a back seat to pity, and every gesture of compassion and friendship cannot be subject to dark scrutiny--or else the priest will feel a need to back off, leaving his charges confused, hurt, and vulnerable.

Which narrative is true? Caught in the middle of two strong personalities--the accuser and the accused--a young, naive nun switches beliefs in response to the stronger argument of the moment, and hopes more than anything for peace to return. My wife and I both agreed that through the play's first half, the story didn't present enough ambiguity, failing to achieve its titular doubt--but she thought Narrative 1 was obviously true, while I thought #2 was the clear winner. So maybe doubt was achieved after all.

I was sad to hear that this play is closing soon on Broadway, but New York's loss is the rest of America's gain: it's hitting the road for a national tour. "Doubt" is a "Crucible" for our times--a plea to refrain from witchhunts, even in the pursuit of an unambiguously correct goal, and a reminder to question our own beliefs and motives at all times and not let ego and personal feelings get in the way of our morality.

"In the pursuit of wrongdoing, we take a step away from God," the suspicious nun says twice. In one instance, she follows that remark up by saying, "But it's in His service." At another, she repeats the line but follows it with, "Of course there's a price to pay." We'd do well to remember both of those sentiments.

On last night's "Simpsons" season finale, Homer had the following astute observation about his marriage to Marge: "We been through more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown put together."

So who did go through more challenges and troubles: The Chosen People, or the bald cartoon character?

"The Da Vinci Code" movie, like the novel it's based on, is ridiculous, obvious, over-the-top--and yet oddly compelling, a guilty pleasure that wraps interesting pseudohistory and pseudotheology into a shoot-'em-up thriller. In other words, if you liked the book, you'll probably like the movie. Ditto if you hated or were offended by it. As the critics have their field day hurling insults at the movie, it's hard not to see "Da Vinci" as a victim of unrealistic expectations. Say what you will about the book, but it is anything but subtle or plausible, and the movie follows suit. Watching the story on film, the absurdities of the plot and campiness of the dialogue are heightened, but I'm not sure why anyone would be surprised by that.

Though the film is too long and doesn't always have the fast-paced feel of the novel, Ron Howard's film is unlikely to sway any minds in the debate over the story's attitudes and allegations about Christianity. The faith--traditional Christian beliefs and their development--comes off ever-so-slightly better on screen than in the novel. Robert Langdon, the hero-professor at the center of the story, here is given a moment of true faith, and in a possible bone to critics, makes an attempt to bridge the worlds of skepticism and faith that are at war in the story. In streamlining the characters' long theological discourses, screenwriter Akiva Goldsman focuses on Mary Magdalene and the supposed ramifications of her suppression in the early church, and discards most of the talk about the feminine divine, Christianity's pagan roots, and rituals of sensuality and sexuality allegedly eliminated by church leaders.

As for the church--the people, the institution--the opposite is true. Vatican leaders are more deeply involved in the murderous plot than in book, and the accusations leveled at the church, of suppression (both of the violent and theological varieties) are sharp. In flashback scenes that are too cartoonish not to provoke unintended laughter, director Ron Howard dramatizes the Crusades and the Knights Templar, along with the Inquisition and other moments of Christian violence, emphasizing the brutality of the church's actions.

There was a moment in "The Da Vinci Code" that reminded me of the last movie to have touched a cultural nerve this deeply. Though the two are as different as can be in content and intention, both "The Passion of the Christ" and "Da Vinci" offer scenes of salacious, graphic, needless mutilation--the first when Jesus' skin is flayed by Roman guards, the second when the murderous Opus Dei monk Silas beats himself ritually and the camera lingers on his injured body. I doubt the connection was intentional, and am not saying there's any thematic connection between the two films. But thinking of both these scenes--and both these movies--is a reminder of how difficult it is for all but the most masterful filmmakers to depict subtlety and emotional depth on screen; the medium lends itself to the exaggerated and sensational, and neither film rises above that. You may find "Da Vinci" fun and intriguing, or you may find it offensive and upsetting, but either way, you won't find profundity.

The first reviews of "The Da Vinci Code" are out after its debut at Cannes. And the verdict, seemingly unanimous, is: thumbs down. One critic called it "an unwieldy, bloated puzzle," and another said it is "a stodgy, grim thing." See this piece for more what's in store for Ron Howard, Tom Hanks, et al.

Of course, bad news for "Da Vinci" is good news for its many detractors. The Catholic League wasted no time sharing their glee, issuing this press release summarizing some of the spicier barbs thrown at the film by critics.

Stay tuned for Idol Chatter's first review of the movie, which will be published here tomorrow.

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