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Editing a faith-focused website like Beliefnet, it's hard not to dream of the star writers I wish we could get to write for us. And who is bigger than Jesus Christ himself? Alas, he hasn't been on the freelance market for a while--or so I thought. Somehow the humor magazine The Onion got him to contribute an opinion piece in the current issue.

In "No Way I'm Saving That Guy," the Man From Nazareth tells us he's finally reached the limit of his heretofore-unlimited forgiving nature. Acknowledging that he is "supposed to be all-merciful, universally loving, the Light and the Way and everything," Mr. Christ goes on to blast the owner of a local automative shop (though he refrains from saying what locality that is), listing his many faults. He continues:

Don't get Me wrong. I'm extremely forgiving--to a fault, maybe. I've absolved some of the worst people you can imagine. We've got thieves, adulterers, murderers, even Romans sent to persecute my followers out the wazoo up here. In fact, if you ask Biblical scholars or learned clergy, they'll go so far as to tell you My capacity for forgiveness is infinite. Well, that's usually true. But not with this a----e.

A word to Jesus: It's true that The Onion has some of the most biting religious satire out there and can always be counted on for some laugh-out-loud reading. But, please. Beliefnet is the biggest spiritual website around, and I'm sure we can fit you into our roster of columnists. Gimme a call, and we can discuss terms.

Superman is back, and not a moment too soon. The world is falling apart, and now even Lex Luthor is being let out of jail. Does the world need a savior? That's a question pondered by the characters of the exciting new "Superman Returns." But can there be any doubt that it does?

The first new Superman movie in 19 years, "Superman Returns" is a worthy successor to the iconic 1978 original "Superman: The Movie" (forget its three increasingly bad sequels). Director Bryan Singer hits all the right notes here in honoring the look and feel of that movie--literally, when it comes to the score, which borrows heavily from its predecessor--while successfully making an original, relevant film that avoids any taint of mere literal-minded homage.

This is not a Superman of the ironic and cynical, in the way that many superhero movies have been lately; the Man of Steel in 2006 is still a man who struts around, unabashed, in a red cape and blue body suit with a big 'S' on it. And yet, he's also not the same stoic, don't-show-your-weakness 1950s father figure of the past.

Singer spares us any extended explorations of Superman's dark past or troubled psyche, and there are no moments when he hangs up his cape to go find himself in Tibet. But those moments of despair, longing, and doubt are there, all the more powerful for the fact that they're hinted at and alluded to rather than tackled head on. How can they not be there? In "Superman Returns," our hero comes back to Earth after five years away, during which he confirmed that, with his home planet of Krypton destroyed, he is indeed the only survivor; once back, he finds that the love of his life, Lois Lane, has moved on and is engaged to someone else. Sitting in a bar as Clark Kent, brooding over a beer, he hears of a tragedy in progress--innocent civilians imperiled, and one of them is none other than Lois herself. After the briefest moment of hesitation, he snaps into action, of course. Does he do it for love or altruism? In this case, it doesn't matter.

I'll leave it to others to explore the Christ parallels in this film--suffice it to say they're there in force--but I was struck by a very different side of it. Yes, the Man of Steel is the powerful other-worldly superhero, come to defend truth and justice. But this Superman film makes clear that it's not a one-man show. Superman has his vulnerabilities--physical and spiritual--while conversely and more importantly, the world is saved by a lot of people reaching deep inside themselves to find their own inner superman, the spark of moral and physical greatness that they didn't know was within them. It is only then that salvation truly comes. Call it the Gnostic Superman.

None of this is entirely new to "Superman Returns"--little can be fully new in a story told and retold for almost 80 years--but it is an exciting, fresh, and refreshing take, one that is true to the spirit of Superman while also presenting us all with a unique challenge for today: Don't look to the heavens for anything more than a bird or a plane; look inside yourself for Superman.

Tyler Perry--and his large black-woman alter-ego, Madea--have conquered stage, screen, and more recently, page, with the best-selling "Dont Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings." Now, to coincide with the DVD release of his "Madea's Family Reunion," the Hollywood darling is giving something back to his (or her?) fans by helping you create your own online family tree, complete with photos.

Click here to set up your virtual family photo wall: www.madeasfamilyreunionmovie.com/familytree.

Steve Skelton--an author and minister--has been going around telling anyone who'll listen that Superman is a Christ figure. He's got a good point, what with the whole "only son sent to earth as a savior" angle. Now The Advocate tells us that the Man of Steel might be gay, or at least is an icon to gay people, what with his closeted secret identity and all.

Can both these be true? Wouldn't that make our supreme comic-book hero--gasp--a gay Christ figure?

Before making up your minds, consider these other factors: Superman might also be a Methodist, a Moses figure, a Jewish golem, or a twist on Nietzsche's ubermensch. And Bryan Singer, the director of "Superman Returns"--himself gay (and Jewish)--has called the hero "the most heterosexual character" in all his films.

Sounds to me like the Man From Krypton may be having an extended identity crisis that's leaving him unsure of his own religious leanings, religious/allegorical allusions, and sexual preferences. Maybe some super-counseling--or a turn at our Belief-o-Matic quiz--can help him sort out who he really is.

Idol Chatter is humbled and just a little bit giddy at being named among Entertainment Weekly's top 100 entertainment websites. In a feature titled, appropriately, "Bookmark This Page!" the magazine's editors listed their favorite 25 sites, and asked the editors of those 25 to name each of their own top 3 picks.

And there, to our own happy surprise, among such leading sites as IMDB.com, The Onion, Defamer, and Television Without Pity, was Beliefnet's own Idol Chatter. Many, many thanks to Norman Weiss of the fabulous TVTattle.com for listing us. We love you, too!

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