Idol Chatter

Elle Macpherson—supermodel, actress, and now lingerie designer and CEO of Elle Macpherson Intimates—is out and about posing for the holidays in her next-to-nothing offerings. (One billboard on the Long Island Expressway—an eight-story high vision of Elle bearing bra and panties—was recently taken down for reasons still a bit unclear. Indecency perhaps?) When she appears in more professional attire to talk about her latest business ventures, Elle is also openly discussing, of all things, what she’s wearing underneath what’s she’s actually wearing and giving out her bra-size (34-B) to curious interviewers.

But in a New York Times holiday magazine article, “Going Undercover,” Elle–discussing the “why”s behind her decision to go into the lingerie business–began sounding almost, almost, like an ecofeminist theologian (check out Sallie McFague if you are curious about ecofeminist theology), going on about how wearing lingerie is good for the earth and is one way that women nourish society and contribute to the health of our environment. I quote fom the article:

I truly believe that women, when they’re empowered—by their femininity, by their Venus, by their sexuality—that it’s so positive for the earth,” she says. “It’s positive for the earth because women are the nurturers of the environment, they’re the givers of love, they are the warmth, the protection, the centeredness of the family. For me, my idea is that if we embrace this femininity, embrace this sexuality, we have a much healthier society.

While second wavers (second-wave feminists, that is), including the theologians among them, would likely take issue with this mixture of empowerment, environment, and tradition-evoking femininity (precisely the kind second-wavers spent their lives critiquing), I have to say a rousing “Cheers!” to Elle for somehow coming up with an ecotheological-sounding (close enough) viewpoint that somehow reconciles the kinds of questions on the lips of all my students and friends: “Can I be a feminist and wear a thong?”

Answer: Yes! You not only can be a feminist and wear a thong, with the right mindset you can be an ecofeminist theologian and wear a thong.

Peter Steinfels, in this week’s New York Times “Beliefs” column, writes of the latest Hollywood-induced skirmish in the culture wars: “Narnia, it seems, is in danger of becoming a red state.” That’s because evangelicals nationwide are seeing the film as an amazing opportunity for evangelism, not to mention the best film in a while for their own kids to see and enjoy.

Steinfels writes about “pre-emptive strikes” against the evangelical world coopting the film, focusing in particular on Adam Gopnik’s New Yorker essay, which, in part, decries the impetus to see the Chronicles of Narnia as merely a faith allegory, something with which C.S. Lewis himself would have vehemently disagreed. Gopnik makes the provocative argument that, if the Chronicles were truly to be a retelling of the Gospels, Aslan–the lion who stands in for Jesus–should have been a lowly lamb or a donkey, rather than from the King of Beasts. Gopnik goes so far as to say–absurdly, in Steinfels’ view and my own–that the more explicitly Christian parts of the Narnia series are less captivating than those segments which steer clearest of theological meaning, such as “The Magician’s Nephew.”

The debate, fascinating to me, also underscores the (admittedly banal) fact that there is something for everyone to love in Narnia. I, like so many non-Christians–and even many Christians–read the books as a kid, loved them, and remained oblivious to any Christian messages in them. At the same time, I can understand why a Christian parent or Sunday school teacher would relish the day their kids or students became old enough to read the Chronicles and discuss their theological lessons.

But this is what makes me skeptical of those evangelicals who see the film as an opportunity to win souls for Christ. Unlike “The Passion of the Christ,” where it was impossible, obviously, to see the movie without engaging with the death and resurrection of Christ–and love it or hate it, the film forced discussion of that core Christian narrative–I suspect Jews, Muslims, Wiccans, and other non-Christians will have the same reaction to the “Narnia” film that they had to the books. They’ll find their own spiritual, moral, and magical meanings in the film that are not in opposition to the Christian messages, and which don’t explicitly reject the biblical and Christological readings of the story, but which exist parallel to them; in other words, we’ll all be watching the same movie but will come away having had entirely different experiences of it, which may make for fascinating and illuminating cross-cultural and interfaith discussions but would not lead too many, if any, non-Christians to muse on–or be moved by–Jesus’ sacrifice or the mystery of his resurrection.

Maybe Steinfels is onto something; in the past two elections, it often seemed as if Red Staters and Blue Staters were not part of the same national conversation. So maybe Narnia is both a Red State and a Blue State. Beauty, after all, is in the eye of the beholder.

With the airwaves, web and print media full of the questions about whether our season, trees and greetings are about “Christmas” or “the holidays,” I figure it’s a good time for a little quiz on it. Who has said some of the following? Try it honestly before checking out the answers below.

1. “Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us.”

2. “Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail to the exclusion of religious principle.”

3. “Bless O Lord the whole race of mankind, and let the world be filled with the knowledge of Thee and Thy Son, Jesus.”

4. “I hold the precepts of Jesus as delivered by Himself, to be the most pure, benevolent and sublime which have ever been preached to man …”

5. “Whoever shall introduce into public affairs the principles of primitive Christianity will change the face of the world.”.”

6. “The sacred rights of mankind are not to be rummaged for among old parchments or musty records. They are written, as with a sunbeam, in the whole volume of human nature by the hand of the Divinity itself.”

7. “Suppose a nation in some distant region should take the Bible for their only law book, and every member should regulate his conduct by the precepts there contained! … What a Eutopia, what a Paradise would this region be.”

8. “Before any man can be considered as a member of civil society, he must be considered as a subject of the Governor of the Universe. And to the same Divine Author of every good and perfect gift we are indebted for all those privileges and advantages, religious as well as civil, which are so richly enjoyed in this favored land.”

9. “The future and success of America is not in this Constitution, but in the laws of God upon which this Constitution is founded.”

10. “It is the duty of nations as well as of men to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God.”

Abraham Lincoln
George Washington
George Washington
Thomas Jefferson.
Benjamin Franklin.
Alexander Hamilton
John Adams
James Madison
James Madison
Abraham Lincoln

“Saturday Night Live” at its finest is satire, not just comedy. At its satirical and relevant best, it offered some neutered and politically unoffensive versions of “holiday” carols on this week’s show. In so doing, one of the most traditionally irreligious shows on television succeeded in displaying the limited value of a neutered holiday. Among the lyrics:

“Silent Night, Regular Night…”

“Away in barn box…”

“The stars in the sky shine down cuz its night, the lamb and a donkey just got in a fight…”

“Oh Tuesday Night, the starts are brightly shining / It is the night to watch tv and play cards… Fall on your knees, and do a jigsaw puzzle /Just stay inside, tonight
(big finish here!) Just stay-ay-ay-ay, Insi -ih-ih-ih-ide, Inside tonight. “

The Christmas reading, the Story of the Holiday’s Birth, was then delivered by Pastor Donald Trump: “The shepherds were watching their flocks by night when a community civic leader came to inform them that a woman of unknown ethnicity was having a baby in the barn box.”

The event then culminated with the Handel’s revised “How Ya Doin’” chorus: “Howyadoin’ howyadoin; howarya-doin’.”

I was laughing but wasn’t doing fine, and made a decision to read the Christmas story as often as possible with my kids this season. I suggest you do the same if Christmas is important in your spiritual journey. Otherwise, “Hark the Sale, Commercials Sing” may be as holiday-ish as it gets for them… and their kids.