Mallika Chopra: November 2008 Archives

We were at the airport heading to Phoenix for Thanksgiving when my mother called to see if we knew what was going on in Bombay. She said the Taj Hotel had been attacked, and was burning.

For an instant, I felt like I was back in my room at the Taj - a hotel I had lived in for months while working with MTV to relaunch the channel in India. The Taj represents to me, and many around the world, the charm of a bustling city that captures old and new worlds. I thought about the open lobby, the nightclub, hanging out in the coffee shop. Walks along India Gate...

Undoubtedly, the terrorists who planned these attacks knew exactly the effect of targeting the Taj, the Oberoi Hotel, Cafe Leopold and other spots in the city. These are the places that business people hang out in, that the ex pats frequent, that high society socializes in. These are the places that are not touched by the religious tensions, the poverty, the harsh realities of a city - a country, region and world - that has extremes of every kind.

Within an hour, while still at the airport waiting for our flight, we had connected with our friends living in Bombay, as well as those who were visiting India on business. One was stuck in the Marriot Hotel, intermittently texting my brother for information about what was going on outside his room and reassuring him he was still around. I obsessively texted my brother from the airport for updates.

But the horror is that it never ended. I read on CNN about my friend, Manuela Testolini, being at the Oberoi when the gunshots started. I emailed her and heard back within 1/2 hour that she is ok. Her passport is in her room at the burning Taj and now she has to figure out how to come home.

In her email she writes about what happened -- "then suddenly a gunman was coming into the restaurant. we left everything and ran thru the kitchen. 2 busboys tried to stop him and they were shot. but thankfully the gunman did not come in to the kitchen. we all ran because were heard more gunshots and ended up in the ballroom of the hotel where we stayed for 2 hours listening to gunshots and bombs in the darkness. "

This is the new world. We are so intimately and instantly connected. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing my friends are ok.

And, yet, how hopelessly disconnected we are at the same time. As I reflect on my nostalgic days at the Taj Hotel, this is what stays with me...

A chasm - a disconnection between people and cultures -- that has always existed is expressing itself more and more in todays world.

The Taj is burning. The Taj - and all it represents - is burning...

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Thanksgiving in our household had its own spicy twist.

As Indians, who had emigrated to the United States, the whole concept of turkeys, pilgrims, football, apple pie, and Native Americans with feathers in their hair seemed quite foreign to my parents.

But over time, the day began to hold a lot of meaning and significance. It represented a time to recognize all that they could be grateful for - health, family, success, and happiness. My parents and many of our relatives welcomed family members who would come to Boston from around the country for the gathering. A huge feast was planned for the day, including masala turkey, spicy Indian vegetable filling, and traditional Indian potatoes on the side. Desert was a combination of apple pies, brownies, and traditional Indian desert. Bollywood music played in the background, while my brother and other cousins dragged our elders to the television and tried to explain the game of football to them. After genuinely trying to understand the game for a few minutes, the adults would quickly lose interest and drift outside to play cricket.

My memories of Thanksgiving mark in an important lesson in how I want to celebrate holidays with my children. We live in a multicultural society where we marry people of other cultures, from different backgrounds, with different ideologies and religious beliefs. Our holidays and customs build the foundation for how we identify ourselves and who we are connected. While Sumant (my husband) identifies himself as an Indian, I identify myself as Indian American. How will my children identify themselves? Is there a need for them to identify themselves in a mutlicultural society?

I have struggeld with whether or not to get a Christmas tree. We are not Christian, so why would we celebrate the holiday? (When we were young, my parents would buy us one gift each, and hang up a stocking by the fireplace. Christmas was not about gifts, but it became a day we learned about giving.) At the same time, I do not want my young children to feel excluded from the dominant society. I want them to know the Indian festivals like Diwali (the festival of light that marks the New Year) and Hole (the festival of color). But I also want them to understand the traditions and holidays of their friends - from Ramadan to Id to Hanukah and the Chinese Moon Festival.

In a world of so much color and flavor, perhaps the answer is to create a calendar of holidays that we celebrate throughout the year. This calendar is full of rich traditions, color, stories, and most of all connections - bonds with your heritage, world, self and the friends and families you love.

(This is an excerpt from my book, 100 Promises to My Baby.)

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