Recently I received the following letter from a pastor; let's all look this situation over, ponder it and pray over it, and think about what to do. Those of you who feel prompted, tell us what you think the pastor should do. I've edited slightly.
Scot...I just finished reading your chapter on John in The Jesus Creed. I'm wondering if you can give me some input in applying this.
I have a man in our church who has a long negative history with the Church (he's been through a variety of churches). His response to his experiences is to set about writing his own book in which he points out all of the faults of Christians all over the place. In addition, he claims to receive "revelations" from God, and is certain that he has figured it all out. His approach is, "you prove that I'm wrong." I have read his material and it is full of hurt, wounds and error from a orthodox context. He's not at all orthodox.
He and his family came to church based on an invitation, and within a few months made it known that he wanted to teach. He isn't interested in entering into community, and is actively disengaged from our body. I find him to be very abrasive and arrogant, but I know that much of this comes from his wounds. (Wounds which he claims to have received healing from.) He shows up at my office about once a month to talk theology, but basically he just wants to tell me what he thinks. It is quite clear he isn't interested in dialogue.
I find myself turned-off by him, but I want to love him as Jesus would if he were me. How do I do that?
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I have to remind myself daily to not be the man in the letter. I don't want to be that guy. I used to be him all the time, however I had people in my life that loved me enough to talk with me and help me see what others do.
Not finished by any stretch of the imagination but I've got a good start.
Scot:
I've been there, and have no magic answers. But I would suggest (1) that since the pastor honestly acknowledges that "I find myself turned-off by him, but I want to love him as Jesus would if he were me. How do I do that?" that the pastor pray for insight, for the ability to somehow connect with this gentlemen, and, perhaps even more difficult, for the capacity to love him. However abrasive he is, to paraphrase Jesus' gracious interaction with the undoubtedly abrasive and unlikable Zacchaeus, "this man, too, is a child of God" (Luke 19:9-10). He has probably been wounded in community; he can only be healed in community. Is it possible he could be invited into relationship?
(2) It would be fair to say to him, "I have been listening to your thoughts and concerns, with courtesy and respect, for some time now. Would you now be open to listening to some of mine?" If he could be helped to move from diatribe to dialogue, perhaps some of the things which have wounded him in the past could be addressed. Possibly by listening to his story, the pastor could help him turn the anger which flows from his pain into prayer.
(3) If he is not open to dialogue, which he seems not to be, you are in trouble. Paul is rather blunt about this in Titus 3:10: "Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him." I'm no Paul, but it does seem clear that if no meaningful dialogue is taking place then at some point there is no point in continuing. Jesus also advises us basically to move on "if anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words" (Matthew 10:14 and parallels).
I would ask for a spirit of willingness--willingness to learn from the current leaders and teachers (as a way to correct his unorthodox views). Also a willingness to be vulnerable--by stepping into relationship with the community (coming to more than Sunday worship; i.e. Bible study, fellowship?) and let down the defensive walls, to not be so cynical? (it seems to me like the criticism is a defense tactic, the philosophy that 'an attacked person will be too defensive to attack back in the same manner'). It needs to be made clear that you are his friend, not his enemy, but also that in his responses to what he disagrees with, there needs to be a willingness to understand, so as not to throw out the baby with the bath water--as you will try to understand him and his views.
Then, if there is evidence growth, of your church's teachings and the friendship of church members really getting through to this man, ask for a willingness to teach under supervision, perhaps even team-teaching with someone trustworthy (rather than leaping straight to unchecked solo teaching).
Another relevant Scripture is Matthew 7:6, "Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you." Dallas Willard treats this text well in The Divine Conspiracy. He basically says that we have to be very, very careful who we attempt to correct or even counsel, because very few people are in a position or of such character to hear us without attacking us.
Been there. I once had a guy who wrote sermons. Lots of them. Black notebooks full of them. When I first met him at our church, he gave me his name and said, "I'm controversial." "Uhhh--ok."
He saw himself as being one of the few who discovered the truth. After church, he would walk to his car carrrying his Bible, one of his sermon books (he never preached at this church but he seemed to always have one with him) and lighting up a Camel. I smile as I write this but it wasn't anything I smiled about back then.
Bottom line: I am very leary of self-appointed preachers/teachers etc. Somewhere in this mix ought to be some godly confrontation. Myself--I would not give my time to regularly talk theology with a man with such arrogance unless we had some very clear boundaries. Is this going to be give and take or a monologue? Again--I guess I am back to the need for candor, confrontation, etc.
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