Nancy, Below His/our banner over us is a statement that crystilizes through the validity of salvation which only
the conerstone Himself produces by His chosen ongoing relationship with us. That statement Hudson Taylor expresses along with us in “He faileth not.”
Flesh and heart
often fail.
Let them fail.
He faileth not!
Thank you for being the person Christ died for Nancy.

Nancy,
These comments will rattle many: “I have also learned humility. I unwisely and arrogantly imagined that my spiritual practices and the fruit they had born would provide some immunity from the uncertainty and near total destruction of a dark night of the soul.”
Too many USAmerican Christians use the faith as a pain-reliever rather than a pain-engager. When their tidy spiritual disciplines land them in a world of hurt, they feel ripped-off. Thus, wwe can conclude that they are using the disciplines “to stay in control” (ha!) of their own lives. It just won’t work.
Thanks much for your story.

John, I can add to that since I have been a Christian for 35 years and just over the last few years I have been able to accept Love for myself . likewise, just over the last few years I was able to rejoice over the prosperity of another.
I have to admit that God knew how to have His way with me and therefore I wouldn’t change a thing.
Peace.

Thanks, Nancy for sharing your experience.
Your remarks about stages and non-linear growth make me wonder why our conceptual models of spiritual growth seem to be focused on “linear” thinking. Perhaps they need to be pictured more on a model of concentric spheres, much like the quantum model of atomic development. Deep in the center is the self and there is a wide range of possible experiences that one may go through in order to get closer to God who might be pictured as being as the all encompassing outer sphere. There are points of disturbance/anguish/ darkness corresponding to the “energy jump” needed to move to an understanding further from self and more in towards God–or non-critical to a more critical stage of faith. Our perspective on these dark times differs according to the wide range of possible experiences, background and temperament that we have–to be found anywhere in the concentric sphere of that level of experience. But there still is a significant change needed, the “outside” energy of the Spirit that can move us to the next level and perhaps closer to the reality and further into the relationship with God..the eternal life of John 17. For any spiritual director to have the wide range of experience necessary to perceive and understand differences in these experiences should be expected. It is still in the community of experience that we can obtain the various perspectives that enable us to piece together understandings of the whole. Those dark nights, goo, chrysalis, tipping points, or whatever, are those places God uses to take apart the worlds of understanding we have created in order to work toward His view of things.
at least that’s my perspective

I meant to say, in regard to spiritual directors..that misunderstanding should be expected.

#4 Randy, I think that I will be saying the same thing in the following if you don’t mind.
Could the so called center of the sphere of self, that deep center of infinite being, enernal life, be the the very same center as that of the outer sphere? Do we see our conforming/development as a singular “happening”?
In Him we live and move and have our being reaches the summit of depht in ” If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.”, (as in, He that is joined to the Spirit of the Lord is one Spirit.) Therefore we see that if you have seen the Father then you have seen the cross, for that reality has existed in the Heart of the Father/God before the foundations of the world.
It almost seems to me at times that our Heavenly Father God is “betting” on us (the Life given us by Christ Jesus.) as much as we are on Him.” (Not to mistake “betting” for Faith at work, in and by Love.)
The unpleasant (to say the least) strething of Faith we experience (eternal Life, overcoming temporal in that sphere of self as a fact of salvation) comes to us as a increase 40%, 60% 100%, by God, to us as the individual that makes up the community and therefore profits us in the same degree as the community since God makes the sun to shine on the just and unjust in relationship.
That is why the Cross is so precious to us, rather, that obedience to the cross. That very and only center that can be for self for self, (sphere of eternal “Give me give me”) or the Self for others (sphere of “Take and eat.) which is the Good shepherd and the True Self, communion with God, the Life giving Spirit,

Richard – Your first comment was moving, thank you. I guess I wish I was not the kind of person Christ would have to die for but without that gift, we just can’t know the depths of Love that is sent out to us.
John – You are probably right about how many folks might approach the spiritual disciplines. To be honest, pain relief, control or earning God’s favor were not my motivations for involving myself so deeply in them. I was moved by longing for closeness with God and out of curiousity…would it work? It was having had the opportunity to experience such richness and excitemnt that came when I made rom for God to meet with me in such a way, that left me with the false sense of security. I could not at all imagine ever being in a place where I simply could not engage in those disciplines even in spite of the ongoing longing for that deep connection. It is still shocking to me but at least now I have some affirmation of it being a sign of a “second invitation” (to use Brennan Manning’s phrase) or a switch in how my mind approaches my faith. Which leads me to Randy…
Randy – I really am intrigued by your conceptual model. Its dynamic and begs some meditation.And your final comment about God “taking apart our world of understanding” really speaks to me. That has what it has been and I very much hope that where I am going is clearly more akin to God’s view of things. Intuitively, it has felt “right” but when you get people reacting so negatively, it causes doubt.
Thanks to each of you for sharing your thoughts and providing understanding and encouragement.