Here is a good conversation starter; something I think should be asked of every ministry spouse.
How do you [as a ministry spouse] introduce yourself? When you are at church, do you introduce yourself as, "the pastor's wife" or as "your name"? How do you identify yourself, and how do you settle into other people's expectations for your identity?
Recently, I was with several people visiting and socializing in the church foyer after services. I was aware that there was someone new that people were introducing themselves to. I also extended my hand to introduce myself. When it was my turn, I said "Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you, Barb. My name is Shirley." Pleasantries and welcome passed between all the individuals nearby. Later, one person came up to me and said: I noticed how you introduced yourself as Shirley. I wondered why you did that. Why didn't you tell her you were the "Pastor's Wife" ?
I could see in an instant that this person saw me as a "role" that I fulfill. The role was glamorized and sensational. Even slightly sensational is indeed sensational. I have always found that there are moments each Sunday where I could be who I am, or I could choose to settle into some other person's expectation for my identity. In my view, however, that identity changes from one person to the next. So, how would I know who I am.
How do you introduce yourself? (by PW)
Monday March 30, 2009
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Scot McKnight is a widely-recognized authority on the New Testament, early Christianity, and the historical Jesus. He is the Karl A. Olsson Professor in Religious Studies at North Park University (Chicago, Illinois). A popular and witty speaker, Dr. McKnight has given interviews on radios across the nation, has appeared on television, and is regularly asked to speak in local churches and educational events. Dr. McKnight obtained his Ph.D. at the University of Nottingham (1986). Click to continue reading Scot McKnight's Bio...
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LOL...sorry that this struck me as funny, but let me explain....
I am the daughter of a church planing man and organ/piano playing mother -- a first couple scenario. I am also the youngest of six children. Which means that my mother played the organ/piano on Sundays and Wednesdays (until sister #3 got old enough to play for church) and spent the rest of her life caring for children and being a homemaker.
I am also an ordained minister -- and my awesome husband was one of three "pastor's husbands" at the church where I served as one of 9 associate pastors. He was the "pied piper" for our three young boys along with his full time engineering job.
The other women pastors frequently said in staff meetings how much we wish we had "pastor's wives" to take on so many of the "hospitality" and other "value added" tasks....
Yeah ... so I've lived this conversation from many angles. And my husband was and is exactly who he is and didn't play any mind or role games. I, by the way, always introduced myself as "Peggy Brown" to folks I didn't know ... and left it at that. They'd find out who I was if they chose to hang around and take the involvement and assimilation classes....
And we have moved out of "institutional" manifestations of church and begun to engage with more "organic" church -- ala Neil Cole and Alan Hirsch and lots of others over at Missional Tribe.
...we must be Eikons first and brothers and sisters second -- and love and honor each other as such.
Shalom....
Don and Ed, just have to add my agreement to the two of you that the real issue is our failure to recognize the priesthood of all believers. Part of the reason for the power plays and identity issues in the church, I am certain, is our consolidation of most of the roles that count in the body, into one or two men (usually men) to the exclusion of the gifts and callings of the broader congregation. The role of "Pastor's Wife" takes on most of its significance--for good or ill--when the role "Pastor" has also been invested with too much unilateral authority, responsibility, and mystique. Except to the extent all faithful believers are "priests" to each other, we should have no priest but Jesus. . .
Dan, Don, Peggy, and Ed,
Amen to all of you!
Hello, I read this and i just wanted to give you my opinion on it. I totally agree with you guys. I think that the church has this idea of what all PWs should be. But not all PWs are the same. And they all have diffrent gifts that they can use in the church. I dont think PWs need to introduce themselfs as a PW. They should just be who they are, do what God called them to do, and go from there. Not be someone the church wants them to be. Because thats not who they truely are. :)
I'm a pastor and when I read the question I thought about times when I've introduced myself in relation to my wife's role. My wife is a piano player and gets hired to play at various venues (plays, concerts etc.) and it's not uncommon for me to introduce myself as "Brian...I'm the piano player's (or music director's or whatever role Katie is at that place) husband." In my mind, I'm not limiting or defining myself in any way. I'm simply saying, "we go together." If anything, "I'm the pastor's spouse" limits the pastor because they, in this way of introduction, have no name...they are only their role.
Really though, I think the real problem is the expectation, real or imagined, that the "pastor's spouse" fit into a particular box or role. If we aren't concerned about that, then I don't think we'd hesitate to identify ourselves as the pastor's spouse any more than I hesitate to introduce myself as the piano player's spouse.
Am I being insensitive? Missing the point? Set me straight...
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