The Inner Apologetic

I debated commenting at all, but I suppose this is one topic on which the thoughts of someone like me are useful. My best attempt to describe my cultural and spiritual formation, after all, has been something like 'relativistic pluralism'.

First, I do believe that 'atheism' is an unnatural human destination and is typically defined more as a reaction against a particular perspective or spirituality than as a perspective that stands and defines its own context. Thus we find that Dawkins, for example, is disbelieving a particular idea of God. If you take the time to understand the God (or gods) in whom he doesn't believe, I don't really blame him. I wouldn't care to believe in them either. But we need to remember that atheism was also a charge leveled against the early Christians because they rejected all visible and widely known gods.

However, Dawkins does have a valid point when he says that this spiritual sense or general desire to worship is tied to the physical structure of the brain. Increasingly, we are finding that much about our 'mind' that was considered immaterial is tied to the physical brain. This should not, however, be distressing to any Christian. A proper Christian view has always been that the material and immaterial, matter and spirit, are intertwined and good. And that we were never meant to be separated from our bodies in any way. It does mean, as RJS points out, that any apologetic value is limited, since evolutionary explanations are perfectly adequate to account for the physical development of the brain and the mind it supports. The more we learn, the more that becomes clear.

Why then have Augustine and so many others made statements such as this? Well, I wouldn't deny that there is some truth in them. But I would say that, for most human beings, if you have not been raised in a cultural context that predisposes you in some way toward Christianity, it's a truth you will mostly recognize only in post-conversion retrospect. Augustine battled between the twin cultural influences of his shaping, Platonism and Christianity, his whole life. Often, the former held sway. (I would say it still held considerable sway after his conversion, especially since the evidence is that he read very little of the Greek fathers and based most of his Christian theological ideas on modified forms of Platonic thought. He did eventually become a saint known and canonized for his piety, if not his theology, across the whole church. But it was a long path for him.)

In truth, our hearts can find rest in many forms of spirituality. In fact, I would say that I still at times long to be able to return to some forms of spiritual practice and thought that I found particularly 'restful'. I know those are like the transitory longings I still have for a cigarette more than a dozen years after I quit. I know I'm no longer the person who was able to find rest in them and they no longer suffice. But Christianity is not a simple faith. And a God of uncompromising, relentless love is dangerous indeed. Even veiled, it is hard to stand in the fire of God's love.

If we can find rest in many places, how then are we drawn to Christianity? I think the narrative of Scripture is pretty clear. We have a God who pursues us. We are not first the seekers or the lovers. We are first the sought and the beloved. That's why Romans 1 is so heartbreakingly sad. As we run and fight against the pursuit of love, we see that the God who will never force or coerce our will eventually lets us run. He gives us up to all which that entails. I have the sense from the sorts of things I read and hear that for some reason (and I don't know why) a lot of people miss the heart of what Paul is writing about God in that section of his largest letter. It brought tears to my eyes the first time I read it and really understood it and my heart still aches each time I read it today.

For the Christian, however, there is no limit to the possibilities of our inner spiritual life. We carry the Spirit within us, drawing our spirit toward God. We ingest God in the Eucharist to nourish and transform our bodies and spirits. Once again, though, that is a gift of our God when we begin to follow him. I'm not convinced it has much apologetic value.

I like N.T. Wright's approach in Simply Christian. He doesn't speak of proofs. He speaks of signs, of pointers, of 'echoes of a voice'. I think the echo of a voice is as far as we can take the inner apologetic.

ScottM,
I'm glad you commented on this thread because your comment was very thoughtful. Thanks!