Andrew Marin's new and ground-breaking book, Love Is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation With the Gay Community
, proposes -- the terms are mine -- the power of "with" vs. the power of the battle between "for" or "against."What does it mean to use the power of "with"? What does it mean to move beyond deciding where you stand on this issue to being someone who loves gays and lesbians and someone who serves gays and lesbians?
It will begin, as Marin points out in chp 3, in recognizing the stigma and shame attached to being gay or lesbian. Here are his words: "The GLBT community feels a constant unnamed pressure from both sides -- an invisible Christian ideal that they can't see themselves living up to, and an overt push from the gay-friendly culture to just 'come out' and be OK with it." Now notice his next words: "Neither option seems achievable to many people who have a same-sex attraction, so they are left with no home and no sense of support" (48).
The power of "with" recognizes the social location of gays and lesbians. Andrew proposes something else, something I've never thought about:
Never use the word "homosexual" with a gay or lesbian. Why? "Since the mainstream GLBT community has traditionally looked at the Bible as a tool of oppression, hearing the word homosexual sets off a domino effect of associations:
homosexual = Bible = Christian = fundamentalism = anti-gay =anti-me.
If the power of "with" means empathy and sympathy and the willingness to listen, what does this mean for how traditionalists talk about gays and lesbians?
I must say that Andrew's stories in this book are amazing. The book is worth the read just for the stories. One of them was his encountering a gay pastor who treated him smugly -- but Andrew was committed -- for the next six months -- to meet with every gay pastor and every gay church in Chicago to learn what they believed. The power of "with."
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Hey Scot, thanks for posting these reviews. I have been holding off buying new books to try to reduce my “book” budget, but this book sounds awesome and I am going to order it today. I became deeply dissatisfied with the evangelical response to the gay community several years ago and since beginning graduate studies I have acquired several wonderful gay friends. I have always felt at a loss to know what to tell them about a “Christian” perspective on their situation and the only thing I have known to do is to try to be a good friend. Marin’s approach sounds like something that might be helpful to me in this process. I’m on my way to amazon.com now.
I think it starts by traditionalists adjusting their thinking and recognizing that gays, as are all people, God's creations. Regardless of sexual orientation or other attributes that we might find offensive, at the end of the day each person is made in the image of God. That alone is a start to transforming how we treat one another.
This series is very good, Scot. I have never even thought about the "domino of associations" that he describes. Interesting. Thanks for this.
Very good to know. I know Ed Dobsen here in Grand Rapids (Michigan) has been well known for the good relationship Calvary Church had with the gay community here. Wouldn't it be good if we evangelicals who see Scripture in an orthodox, conservative way on this issue, were known for our love, and being WITH gays, like Pastor Ed.
Those churches which shun gays (almost all of them here in the south) have missed a great opportunity. As James so often taught (A Brother's Wisdom) the church has not taught us to give flesh to faith with good works, especially the protestant church and especially with gays. My gay classmate who comitted suicide in the 1960's and student who comitted suicide in the 1980's are a tiny, tiny part of that alienated, self-hating, cheerless gay minority who internalized the culture's and church's homophobia. Those who were most religious were the most likely to be the most alienated because the churches (and sometimes a gay kids own parents) saw them outside the boundaries of love, charity, and purity in the same way the pharisees and sadducees saw the dying man at the side of the road beyond the boudaries of purity and love. No wonder the percentage of gay adolescents who attempted suicide was (and is) much higher than the for heterosexual population. Without the church (and often their own parents) to give them boundaries and the reality of being loved, and having to hide their orientation, it's remarkable to me how many became wonderfully productive members of society. I'm so thankful for my gay friends (and so other gays whom I read or read about) who have in so many cases transformed their own unjust suffering into a life of service to others or art or science that inspires us.
I imagine that today's gays are less alienated because the internet's social meeting places like Facebook allow acceptance of differences, do not require hiding one's sexual orientation and provide community. I hope I'm right because the church, until recently, has been a complete failure and the cause of misery for many.
Doug
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