I heard comments being made regarding a devout Christian, who I knew to be quite a force of a personality, and who often mixed her faith right into her personality. A family member of hers mentioned to me, "...just once, I wish she would have shown up in my life as just my grandmother. That's all. There was always this false front. A wall. I wished that the harping, preaching, truth-spewing Christian, who had to have the last word on all truth on this side of heaven, would just take a rest and be my grandmother."Maybe we ministry people have our own moments when we may confuse our passion for ministry with our family responsibilities and relationships. Ministry families could probably fall into the same category as above.
Is the pastor able to just show up as a husband, a dad, a son, or a friend? How do you make room for important relationships in your life as ministry people and as ordinary people? What do you do to make sure you are "not the pastor" in certain relationships? Or, do you think you are always a pastor?
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Sorry, the 'that' after the quote was supposed to be 'when'.
scot,
i wish on posts like this you would read comments and respond to them; just a thought
mike, I've thought about it but I have to say I'm drinking in the wisdom of these pastors.
I usually say that being a pastor is what I do not who I am. Being on a credentialing team, I seen men (I can't recall a woman pastor with this confusion) be totally destroyed when they can't be a pastor for some reason. They don't know who they are. I try to live and pastor according to my personal motto, "Man of God, Full of Faith."
As for family, I try not to "pastor" my family especially my wife. We are partners in life, in marriage, and in ministry. However, she is my partner in my pastoral ministry as I partner with her in the ministry that God calls her to work. In a limited sense, our pastor is our state director. He has been there for us when we needed him.
With my kids, it is a struggle because there are times when I have to seriously reflect on whether my pushes are done as a father or as a pastor. A lot of times it is a mixture. Therefore how hard I push may depend on how much I am invested as a pastor in certain direction that I hope that they choose. The more I'm vested as a pastor, the less that I try to push.
In Christ,
Mark Eb.
I think a nuanced view of this discussion is probably required.
I think you would be hard pressed to imagine the apostle Paul saying "being an apostle is what I do, not what I am." When compared with Ephesians 4, for instance, I think it is safe to say that for some in the church, their very identity as individuals is dependent upon the fact that they truly ARE "apostles, evangelists, prophets, pastors and teachers." This is not a "job" that they leave behind after "office hours" are over. It actually is who they are. And, being who they are is in fact a way that Christ provides for the church (their families included).
Alternatively, there are some places of leadership that seem to offer a different kind of commitment (though in no way less serious or sincere). The position of overseer, 1 Timothy comments, is subject to the person's desire, among other things. This suggests it is less connected to identity and perhaps more to be thought of along the lines of function. And, though the Spirit definitely can be said to call elders and overseers (Acts 20), it is not clear whether this is as intricately connected to identity and mission as Paul's vision of apostleship. I don't in any way wish to say that the role of eldership is to be thought of in contrast or distinction to the way one fulfills his or her other responsibilities in life (indeed, this is part of the point of 1 Tim 3!). But, I think it may be useful to consider the various ways leadership is expressed in the earliest churches.
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