A Painful Letter and Request

I could so easily imagine one of my parents writing this... so I thought I'd respond with something that's hopefully helpful from that perspective.

In a post-Christian culture, we have a great many people who think they know a whole lot about what Christianity is and what a Christian should be, that is completely off the mark. I say this by way of echoing what others have said before... ask your children if your perceptions are correct, but go even further. Challenge your assumptions by asking them to explain what is going on with them and why in very simple and fundamental ways. Ask them why they think Christ is the way the truth and the life. They'll be happy to tell you and it should at least help you share common language.

It's entirely possible that the children are being judgmental. Many converts go through a fairly difficult upheaval when changing their worldview. That difficulty can express itself in many ways. They should be graceful, patient, and humble to those around them, including you, but becoming that way is a process. It is not instaneous.

There's are other possible sources of your reaction. Are changes in your children indicting you? Perhaps in finding a loving community, they are not so ready to accept an abusive home? Maybe they are rejecting things that you used to do together that are harmful to self, like drunkeness or drug abuse? Because they no longer do them with you, you feel like they are judging you? Perhaps it's just as simple as the belief in Christianity itself? Clearly you have rejected that and they have not. Did you raise them to reject Christianity or religion and general, and feel that because of this they are rejecting you?

I'm not guessing any of this at you, but they come to mind as real possibilities (from real life examples). While I hope the best, and that true intentions and understanding are being sought, someone who casts their own children negatively on a public blog should probably start searching the mirror before trying to fix others.

The letter writer observes: "They push me away because I refuse to convert."

Steve A correctly also observes: "If someone believes that "A" is true (really, universally true, not just "true for them"), then talking about A with people who believe "not A" can easily feel antagonistic, even if it is not meant to be. If they also believe that A is of supreme importance, then it is very easy for those discussions to become fraught with all kinds of issues."

The solution is to stop talking. Make no effort to convert relatives.

"Preach the Gospel always. Use words if necessary."

If you "need" words to preach the Gospel, then you're not doing it right.

This makes me wonder how old his or her children are. I say that because as a Christian with non-Christian parents and extended family, I can certainly say about myself that I have handled the Christian/non-Christian issue in my family much better in my mid to late 20s than I did in my teens and early 20s. I have discussed this in the past with friends in similar positions who have expressed similar things about their own experiences.