1. Not saying “Yes, dear” quick enough.
2. Not taking out the garbage without being told.
3. Not answering this question: “Does this make me look fat?”
4. Not asking for directions.
5. Not remembering that a second cousin twice removed was once married to a used car salesman who wore plaid sports coats and the deserted cousin languished in despair until she met a Saudi prince who took her to Paris and bought her a bronzed statue of Napoleon which she later traded in a pawn shop in Bakersfield, CA for a utility wet vac.

Do you want to know what our top five are, or what we think the top five are for married couples in general?

I’d like to know what your top five are reJoyce.

I think #2,3,4 above are good – they go on my top 5. These need to be unlearned early.
I would add
4. Thinking that one flesh = agree. We can have legitimate strong differences of opinion and it is okay.
5. Underestimating the importance of compromise.

John, I hope you’re kidding.
Off the top of my head, I’d say:
1. Disrespect
2. Taking each other for granted
3. Neglecting physical intimacy
4. Overspending
5. Failure to build high fences around the relationship
My husband adds 6. Poor communication.

Thinking she wants to have what I want or that what makes me happy will also make her happy (the whole ‘love languages’ thing)

I’ll need to think through my responses a bit more, but note that RJS’s highlights the need to be able to set up the blog so that we can read the full post AND comments simultaneously on the same page. I had to go “back” to recall what 2, 3, and 4 originally were…..

So that future readers won’t have to “go back” and will have them at hand,
2. Using a snappish tone.
3. Getting angry about a fixed trait.
4. Score keeping.

Here are some of the common mistakes we encounter:
1) Withholding what we really feel/think.
2) Expressing what we really feel/think, but in hurtful or other unproductive ways.
3) Assuming that we fully understood the other person’s hurtful words/actions without first asking them to clarify what happened (or even giving them the chance to clarify what happened).
4) Not making clear agreements (emphasis on “clear”) about the resolution of conflicts, such that we have the very same understanding and expectations about how the conflict will be dealt with.
5) Doing things for the other person for all the wrong reasons (such as wanting appreciation or to prove ourselves), and then being disappointed/hurt/angry/frustrated with the other person’s response.

My two cents
all of the above!
Love does cover a multitude of sins doesn’t it?

I missed your clarification in comment #3 Scot. Mine were things we’ve tried to avoid.

Failing to listen to or understand your spouse.
Ignoring our most significant other in this life is just a mistake, it’s fatal if allowed to be habit.

Correction to above:
Ignoring our most significant other in this life is NOT just a mistake, it’s fatal if allowed to be habit.

Okay, so my #11 wasn’t right either. I answered the original question: What are the top five mistakes couples make?

- Placing your spouse above God
- Placing yourself above your spouse
- Dishonesty of any form (both overt lying and withholding emotion)
- Passive Aggressiveness (cynicism and sarcasm are, I think, BIG issues for younger couples)
- Forgetting to continue to fall in love and grow with your spouse, not just beside your spouse

Well, it appears than even though I asked for clarification, I’m not really sure how to answer the question after all.

Really, the top mistake in marriage is the same as the top mistake of everyday life; placing yourself (or someone else) above God. Inherently, breaking these two sections leads to either selfishness at the expense of your spouse or idolization of your spouse that needs her to be the Savior that you need Christ to be. It more specific terms . . . I have no idea. I’ll come back when I’ve actually been part of a relationship and have gained wisdom from experience as well

1. Stop being intentional about dating my wife.
2. Always trying to fix things
3. Not taking time to listen
4. Forgetting our mutual call to disciple each other
5. Stop treating my wife as a gift

1. not listening and hearing one another
2. disrespecting one another
3. taking one another for granted
4. using an unkind tone with one another.
5. not taking time to have fun together.
these are my top five.

1. Using absolutes in describing the other spouse’s behavior: You “always say this”, You “never do this”.
2. Forgetting that we are two separate people and thus neglecting our manners/respect for the other spouse.
3. Not being intentional about setting aside time to spend together.
4. Letting the past negative behavior patterns of a spouse dictate our assumptions about their current behavior/motives. Come to think of it, making assumptions at all is generally not good.
5. Making plans with family/friends before consulting the other spouse.

My five for what it is worth at http://faithpraxis.blogspot.com

Hi Scot! I saw the nice mention of my blog, The Happiness Project, here. I very much appreciate you shining a spotlight on my blog! Thanks and best wishes, Gretchen Rubin

Continue to fall in love with one another is the unconditional love that covers a multitude of sins/mistakes/bad habits.
Keep each other lifted up in daily prayer for a closer walk in communion with God and pray Psalm 91 for protection over your
spouse, relationship/marriage and children.
If you are unable to solve a problem or bad habit – take it to the
Lord in prayer expecting Him to soften your attitudes toward on another. Hardening of your attitudes stirs up bitterness, anger, jealously and eventually hate towards one another.
Allow Holy Spirit to counsel and guide you in all your ways through
the fruits – Galatians 5:22-23. You will have gained the mind of
Christ in the glory of God the Father making all a way of life eternally.
Just a few steps that will hopefully surround each marriage with
heaven’s best.

I agree with almost all these steps to a better marriage. Here are mine:1. Always put God first and everything else will fall into place.
2. A soft answer turns away wrath. When you speak softly and sensibly your mate is less likely to just get angrier.
3. Keep past mistakes out of the current situation and never say, You never!
4. Make decisions together, especially social obligations. Agree to do some things solo and then don’t throw it up in their face.
5. Make sure you laugh together, even when times are tough. Rent a funny movie or tell each other jokes. Have responses that can soften
potential problems and agree to have a catch phrase when things are
going too far.

1. Lack of Communication. Having a relationship without conversations everyday can cause a significant amount of tension and anger.
2. Lack of a sexual relationship. It’s the one activity that only you two can share and it is unique in your relationship. A dissolving sexual relationship often signifies a dissolving relationship in general.
3. Not doing the little things. Saying “I love you” or “You’re beautiful” doesn’t take much but goes a long way, yet a lot of relationships are devoid of these simple phrases. Do an extra chore just because or do something the other spouse really enjoys from time to time. Appease the other occasionally.
4. Not listening. If the other spouse says something or wants to talk, stop what you’re doing and give them your undivided attention. The worst thing you can do is zombie-gaze at the TV and say “Uh-huh” or blatantly disregard them without a response.
5. Nit-picking. You are both human and there are going to be things you inevitably dislike about the other person. Constantly exploiting these behaviors or negative tendacies can scar a person. When there are things that can’t be avoided, be gentle and kind. For everything else, just focus on what they do great and what makes them special to you.