In our first post of the day I mentioned a few of Adrian Plass’s funny definitions in Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation: A Humorous Antidote for the Pharisee in All of Us
and here’s another:

My Bible says … : oddly possessive prelude to disagreeing with someone else’s interpretation of Scripture.

One more.

Parables: stories that entertain you at the front door while the truth slips in through a side window and sandbags you from behind.