This is getting fun: RJS posts about Dorothy Sayers book and PW, another regular writer here at Jesus Creed, responds ... or I should say that RJS's post generated a reflection by PW.
As the spouse of a pastor, I have often been in discussion with my pastor/husband about this very subject. And, we have recently discussed the fact that he allows me into his head quite often.In fact, there are times when I will frankly explain to him: when you walk into the church building, do you ever think about what it would be like to be a person with a uterus walking into the experience rather than other male parts? Are you assuming the audience will track with your message, delivery or illustrations if it's male biased?
However, I know of many PWs who do not dialog in that way with their pastor/spouse. There is no feedback from one of the most important people in the pastor's world. How is it for you PWs who are female? Do you hold back? Or do you help fill in with living Technicolor those things that your pastor/spouse couldn't even begin to understand about the audience and the church experience?
Ministry spouses have a great opportunity to dialog with their pastor/spouse and exchange how the message will come across in so many ways. That's communication--sending and receiving messages. Communication also understands the audience and most congregations are 50% or greater women. I am enjoying RJS's discussion, "Are Women Human?"
While PW, our guest blogger who is a "pastor's wife," alludes to the reality that some in the younger generation don't have a problem here, the reality in the wider church is much different. She talks here about the pastor's spouse's occupation, and this one mostly concerns a spouse who is a wife. (Right?) Here's PW:
I met a couple PWs in the last couple of months, and I realized that they were both school teachers.
What are some of the common occupations of the PW? Or, are you expected to be in the "pastoral package" as 2-for-1?
I have personally been in an occupation myself for a number of years. I find that sometimes people who are more old-fashioned about the PW role tend to gulp when they realize I have my own occupation. However, I find younger people have no expectations whatsoever.How did you come to your current occupation at home or in the workforce?
I was talking to another staff member's wife and they had only been in ministry a few months. They were exhausted. Spent.
She said to me: I remember your husband saying something to mine about how we need to whittle down what he is to accomplish in the first few months and not try to do it all. Well, those
words are now being heard. We need a vacation. We're exhausted and we don't
have the finances to get away. How do you do it? We need to have time together.
The whirlwind of starting ministry and getting to do what you have always wanted to focus on is so big in the beginning. But, you have to come to the point where you realize that
everything you touch in ministry could use more. It leads to more things you
see that you could do. Worthwhile things. There is always more to do. But you can't do it all, and you can't do it all right now.
We have lived the ministry life enough years to try to protect our schedule during specific times of the year, etc. I have often stated that it is an endurance race.
How do you explain how to live this life to a new ministry family?
I've seen a phenomenon in the church. I think it happens often enough to just about anyone in the church, not just pastor's spouses.
What happens to our unity in Christ when politics are inserted into the relationship?
Scenario 1: Two people who know each other in church are quite good friends in their "church relationship." At some point, they get to know each other well enough to find out that they do not agree on a political issue within their denomination. Since they got along so well, they just assumed that there were no glaring differences in how they viewed that topic (I'll try to keep denominational affiliations out of it), so they are shocked at the fact that they disagreed so strongly when this denominational issue arose.
Scenario 2: I know of some black women pastor's wives in the USA who are finding it extremely heartening to have the ideal of Michelle Obama as a role model for women in the church. I totally see how motivating this could be. There have been a number of "First Lady" role models during my years as a PW. They have changed in style over the years.
However, some PWs today, in sharing this enthusiasm with others, find that their emails mentioning this specific first lady as a role model to other pastor's wives has offended some who do not have those political affinities at all.
In both scenarios, genuine Christians are enthusiastic and hopeful
about fellowship and change. However, once the political issue comes
into play, good friends find themselves in disagreement. And it
surprises them.
Kind of sad, but very common. This little predicament is often why someone leaves a church or leaves fellowship with others. It is not often resolved well.
Would this be how it plays out in South Africa or Australia? Europe? Is there a better way to approach these things?
Our friend, PW, writes posts for the Jesus Creed blog on what it is like to be a pastor's spouse (in her case a "wife" -- hence, PW). This one is about weddings, and I'd love to hear some pastor stories about weddings.
This
recent YouTube video popularity sparked me to remember all the weddings
that I have been witness to as a PW. Some wedding seasons are the
traditional, standard fare. Others are quite unique. How about you?
Ministry families often get caught up in the preparations, festivities,
etc. What are your fondest or wildest memories from wedding season?
For
us, one memory would be a wedding that the bride and groom insisted on
conducting on a hay wagon--with the addition of a trellis. Sure enough,
a strong wind and storm blew in right at the hour of the wedding. I am
always a bystander by that time of the wedding. I love watching how the
couple and families respond in the situation that is the worst case
scenario on the day of the wedding.
Other
times it is not so much the fact that there is a wedding, but the many
weddings running back to back to back. It's a wonder the minister can
keep all the names straight...right?
Our weekly contribution from "PW" about life as a minister's spouse.Historically, protestant ministry families have been paid in various ways for the work the pastor does in the local parish. Two to three centuries ago, some ministry families were paid...
One of our constant readers and commenters is "PW", who is helping us think about the issues surrounding the spouse of a minister -- not always a female, we add. Do you tell your spouse everything? What do you keep...
I wonder about this myself quite often: Do pastors struggle dropping their "role" as pastor when they come home? When they are talking to their children and neighbors and spouse? Are pastors, as it were, always "wearing the collar"? Did...
This is an ongoing series by a pastor's spouse about pastoral life from that angle. In this post we are asked to converse about the implications of pastoral geographical relocations.By PW: How have ministry relocations affected your ministry "home base"?...
This is a series by a pastor's wife (spouse) who cares deeply about the particular struggle that many pastor's spouses feel and experience. His her reflection from a recent pastor's wives retreat.I was with a number of pastors wives on...
We begin today a new series. For now, we are calling it "Behind the Scenes." We will have all kinds of discussions about this topic (below) and I won't give any more away so here goes ... a new series...
Scot McKnight is a widely-recognized authority on the New Testament, early Christianity, and the historical Jesus. He is the Karl A. Olsson Professor in Religious Studies at North Park University (Chicago, Illinois). A popular and witty speaker, Dr. McKnight has given interviews on radios across the nation, has appeared on television, and is regularly asked to speak in local churches and educational events. Dr. McKnight obtained his Ph.D. at the University of Nottingham (1986). Click to continue reading Scot McKnight's Bio...
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