When Does a Memoir Become Sheer, Vicious Gossip?

Monday April 27, 2009

Categories: Books & Media

A reader challenges me on my criticism of Christopher Buckley and his uncharitable published memories of his father and mother: "You wrote a memoir, and if memory serves painted a portrait of your adopted parents' religiosity that some readers might have found uncomfortable or inappropriate." It's an interesting point. Where do legitimate public recollections about your own life become sheer, mean gossip?

Here's a test. There's nothing in my first book, The Lord Will Gather Me In, that I wouldn't feel comfortable saying or reading aloud in front of my parents in public. (My mother had passed away by the time the book came out but my father is alive and well, thank God.) Chris Buckley waited till his parents were both dead before writing these things about them. Would he have done so when either was alive? Did he ever write anything remotely so brutal about them during their lifetime? Not that I've ever seen. Enough said.

Admittedly, there is one thing that happened after my memoir was published that still makes me wince.

In the book, I think I was fair to the Reform rabbi of the temple where I grew up. I also disguised him -- changing his name and the name of the synagogue. But on one occasion I was giving a speech in Philadelphia and a woman came up afterward. She'd read my book and asked me if it was Temple [Whatever] that I attended and whether it was Rabbi [Blah Blah] who was the rabbi there. I said yes, it was. She said, "Well, I just wanted you to know that Rabbi [Blah Blah] is my brother and you made him look like a complete idiot," and walked off indignantly.

He has since passed away, I'm sad to say.

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