Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

A reader asked how she can stop loaning money to family. They rarely pay her back and always have a rationale about why she needs to help them out. They don’t help her. Yet they act like it’s her responsibility to loan them money. The reader hasn’t been able to do the things she’d like because money is tight, since she’s the family banker. She asked how she can stop this pattern without alienating her family.

In this kind of situation, don’t worry so much about alienating family. The reader’s family members aren’t in terrible shape. They have jobs. She should be angry that they take great advantage of her. Getting people out of the habit of expecting you to subsidize their lifestyles is your responsibility. It begins with accepting you have a right to spend all your money on what YOU choose and don’t owe anyone more than you’re comfortable giving. No one can take your money if you don’t give it.

Everyone is responsible for their circumstances. It’s your choice how you spend your money. Even if you make a lot more, you don’t need to share, unless you want to!

Many people will take if they’re allowed to. And you allow them to by not saying “no” or speaking up about how you want it to stop. Few will read your mind so you need to do something if you want to stop it! You stop it by saying no more lending! If the person gets angry, nicely ask why you should give up spending so they can spend more? Explain you have your own bills to pay and don’t have enough extra to lend it. And if you do consider lending it, ask when they plan to pay it back.

I shudder to think about how much money I lost when I was a DoorMat because I loaned money to please people so they’d like me. Trying to get the money repaid was useless, yet I still loaned more to certain people I thought I needed in my life. Looking back, I’m not angry at myself. I just didn’t know any better. From a spiritual perspective, what they did probably came back to them. Put it in writing!

Now if I’m asked, my response is usually, “My new policy is that I don’t loan money to anyone.”

If people don’t like it, oh well. If I go out with someone I know sometimes doesn’t have a lot of cash, I ask beforehand if where we’re going is in her budget since I don’t have extra. I have loaned money a few times to people I knew were trustworthy and were in a true bind. And each paid it back in the time promised. But in most cases, my no lending policy holds fast.

While the answer seems simple—just say “no” to loan requests—it can be very hard to say this to people who are used to getting cash from you.

People will try to shame you into lending. I’ve asked why they think they should be the ones to spend my money instead of me. The person who continuously borrows without repaying the money should be ashamed, not you! In that case, if the person balks, I’d clarify that they don’t want a loan, they just want you to give them money to keep and you’re not rich enough to continue to subsidize their income.

This all begins with accepting your right to not lend people money. It truly is your right. It’s your money. You earn it. You can spend it.

Years ago I had a roommate who made a lot less than me because she was pursuing a creative career and had a job that was convenient. It was her choice to leave a lot of time for her art. I was pursuing stuff too, but I had several jobs in order to pay for what I wanted. She often asked for a loan but I didn’t think she’d ever pay it back on her salary and didn’t want to have to bug her for it so I refused each time. Her annoyance was clear. Then she started getting on me when I went out to eat or spent money on fun things.

When she got sarcastic—“You go out to eat but won’t loan me the money I need”—I had to put her in her place. I firmly explained that I worked hard to make enough money to enjoy my life. That was my choice. Hers was to work less to do other things and I wasn’t her keeper. I told her to stop looking to me for money. If she wanted more, work more. She didn’t like it but got over her anger.

It’s your choice to loan money or to say “no.” Loaning brings aggravation, unless it’s someone you really trust. Love yourself enough to set boundaries on what you lend to others. My “I don’t loan money, Period.” policy works well for me. Find your own way but put the brakes on playing banker to those who don’t repay the money. It might be uncomfortable to set boundaries but after you’ll feel so empowered that you’ll get over it!
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE.

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I’m delighted to share an interview with Mahendra Kumar Trivedi today. Over the last sixteen years, close to 150,000 people around the world have received Energy Transmissions from him. They report improved mood, less stress and anxiety, more energy, greater stamina, increased self-confidence, clarity of mind, and inner peace. Some have significant improvements in sleep patterns and even in chronic health conditions in a very short period of time. Great Improvements in relationships, business and finances have also been reported.

Energy Transmissions are sent by Mr. Trivedi by intentional thought for the purpose of strengthening the connection between the recipient and Universal Intelligence. They raise consciousness to a more attuned level of functioning, vastly improving the quality of life. The result of this is known as the “Trivedi Effect™.” The goal of Trivedi Master Wellness™ is about living a life where one effortlessly follows one’s own inner guidance, where the connection between the heart and the mind is complete and individual consciousness is connected to Universal Consciousness. Then real happiness is possible and it never goes away.

I was fascinated when I read about Mr. Trivedi’s amazing gift so when he was in NYC I went to him for an Energy Transmission. My GREAT skepticism quickly vanished as my mood elevated to feeling more joyous than ever every day, my sleep improved, and my energy is stronger than in years. I have a health problem that seems to be improving. I’ve also had wonderful things come into my life also. So I had to talk to this man who helps so many people around the world.

How did you first recognize your special ability? When 6 years I recognized I must have some kind of abilities different than other people because of my perception about the world, my thinking, and response in society. I was different than children of my age. At 32, when I was sleeping in the night, my brain started processing that this is the time to use those abilities and gifts for the betterment of some of the people. I had to play my role on this planet for millions of people, that is for sure. So the next morning I resigned from my job and felt happiness for first time in life and new sentiments from my family members.

What would you say to someone who was skeptical about your work? I’m one of the most skeptical men on this planet. Skeptical means based on human testimony. Who will decide who is real or not real? Science has the capability and my skeptic nature inspired me to enter into the arena of science. If this is real, then definitely it must have the ability to transform everything, plants, trees, soil, animals, bacteria, human cells, cancer cells and more. I thought if this energy is not transforming all these things then I will consider the energy to be fake and I didn’t want to stay with anything which is fake. From 2000 onward we contacted several universities and the scientist designed experiments.

How did the experiments work? I did energy infusions on different varieties of plants and trees, related to nuts, fruits, vegetables and grains. I did not interfere with the design pattern and told them to use the international standard. There must not be any problem in publication. The data from the universities showed that after this energy transmission, the soil was transformed. It had 9 times more useful bacterial and 6 times less harmful bacteria. Nine thousand cashew samplings were transformed. There was no need for fungicides and other chemicals. They were tested in  laboratories in the UK and Germany. Scientist discovered that these cashews had much more vitality and vigor and another test established a ten times more shelf life. Scientists found up to 500% more production—more to eat—and 600% more immunity in the defense system.

What happened when you entered into the arena of animal science? Last year I energy infused water in India—remotely. It was given to 2,100 chickens. They were only given the energy water—no medicine or antibiotics or hormones. The food was the same. After 47 days, the scientists found that our chickens had 15% more meat production. After 4 data collections, they found our chickens had 17% less infectious bacteria level and 17% more blood platelet count. This means very high quality health. We did hundreds of experiments in labs on infectious bacteria for humans. Then we experimented on viruses, like HIV, Hepatitis B and C, and herpes virus. Scientific analysis found the energy was able to kill up to 99.81% of viruses within a period of 10 years.

Before giving an energy transmission, you have us pray to whatever higher power we believe in. Why is that so important? That is the source of your energy. The connection is so important because we get the energy from our higher source, which means our creator—the source which creates all of us. Some use God, the Divine, the Universal intelligence or the Universe. People have the religious freedom to choose the God of their understanding.

Why do people sometimes not feel better or actually have intensified symptoms after a transmission? If the transmission is coming, you might not be ready to adjust to the new shift. If you have a disease like eczema, your hand is used to scratching. Suppose you’re living in the dark for a long time. Your eyes need to adjust to that light. There’s an adjustment to the new situation. When you transplant a new kidney it can take 7 weeks for the adjustment. It’s called the healing crisis.

That last answer especially made so much sense to me. My health problem has changed, like it’s fighting to stay because my body is used to having it. But, every day it gets a little better. After exhausting treatments to no avail from several doctors, I suspect that the Energy Transmission changed something in me. I will give it a few more weeks to really see if the results stick. But my faith is strong that it will! When Mr. Trivedi is in NY for 2 days, people line up for a transmission. He also does group transmissions via the Internet or by telephone. You can check out Mahendra Kumar Trivedi at Trivedi Master Wellness and see what he offers and his schedule.
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

This is post 173 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

My Law of Attraction in Action Series is 3 years old! It’s hard to believe there’s so much that can be said about it. I try to get into details so you can use it most effectively. Yet many people who use it don’t quite understand how it all works. How does energy make it all happen?

I found this video with Deepak Chopra explaining the actual simplicity of manifesting with the Law of Attraction and how our intentions work with energy. Once you understand the lessons he gives, you can use my other posts in the series to tweak how you allow the Law of Attraction to work with you as effectively as possible.

 

 

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series HERE.
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

Valentine’s Day is considered a day for love. But there’s no law that love has to be the romantic kind. Giving flowers and gifts was a tradition created by companies that sell the products you buy. It puts pressure on people to provide the right kind of romantic gifts and gestures. I’ve heard many people lamenting as the day approaches, feeling bad if they don’t have a special romantic partner. Yet we all have access to love if we let go of expectations.

Whether you have someone for romance or not on Valentine’s Day, start now to recognize and appreciate all the love in your life. Love comes in many forms.  We get it from family, friends, even pets, yet on this one day none of that seems important. And lets not forget the greatest love of all—the love you give to yourself. Even if you have someone special, you still owe it to yourself to honor ALL the love in your life. Taking it for granted is a waste!

Romance can come and go. Friends and family and YOU stick with you. And the love of a pet can be the most unconditional of all.

Yet we buy into the hype of this one day. When I was a DoorMat, I felt devastated without someone to bring me flowers on Valentine’s Day. I got cards and gifts from my parents and my best friend but they meant nothing to me. I’d do anything to have a guy on that day. So often I settled for someone who wasn’t good for me and who didn’t love me. It’s ironic what we’ll do to have romance on this day that’s supposed to be for love yet we often ignore the people who love us most in favor of someone who can be romantic for a moment.

So who loves you every day? Those are the ones you can count on for love on Valentine’s Day too.

I used to delude myself when I got flowers or chocolate that I was having a special love day. But I finally realized that I was making the romance more important than the guy I got it from. As long as I had the trappings I believed I needed, I felt soothed for a little while. But the next day I often knew, even if I didn’t admit it, that I really didn’t feel loved at all by the guy I’d wanted all that Valentine’s romance from. It almost felt like when that big day ended, he didn’t matter much to me.

I’m grateful that I finally realized what was really important—real love, not the frills of romance.

And I had real love. There was never a day that passed that I didn’t feel unconditional love from my parents and other members of my family. I had loving friends. Yet I’d give any guy I was dating much more importance, just because the media said we need romance on Valentine’s Day. I woke up! I had lots of love in my life and could give it to myself too! From then on, I stopped giving this day real importance. If I’m seeing someone I like, I enjoy our time together. But, I don’t get upset if I don’t have someone.

Whether I’m with a man or not, I still celebrate me on February 14th. I buy myself flowers and treat myself with love. This year I’ll be solo in terms of romance and I’m looking forward to it. No longer am I dependent on a man to make me feel special on that or any other day. I do that for myself now. This year I’m doing an event in NYC called Be Your Own Valentine. My friend Betsy Karp and I will do a presentation on falling in love with yourself and end with a champagne toast and gifts—to celebrate self-love on Valentine’s Day. I’m excited to share this gift with others on this special day for love!

So, who’s giving you love on Valentine’s Day? Do you appreciate it? Pay attention to those in your life who care about you that you may take fro granted. Falling in love with you may not be romantic but it is very satisfying, often more so than romance you get on one day only. Self-love lasts. Romance may not. So this year, love yourself and appreciate friends and family who love you, even if you have a romantic partner! And if you’re in the NYC area, join me for Be Your Own Valentine.
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.