Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Recognize Your Beauty

We see the beauty in other people and in the world around us. But, often we don’t recognize or acknowledge our own. Do you balk or try to minimize compliments? Is it easier to put yourself down? Are your flaws more prominent in your consciousness?  All of this is very common but, it’s not right! And, it’s counter to loving you.

I’ve had clients who first came to me and couldn’t stand to look at themselves in the mirror. It was too painful. I remember how that felt when I hated me. Looking in the mirror got me down because I saw only parts of me—the parts I hated! My clients also had selective vision in the mirror. We can be in the great outdoors and slowly take in the beauty of nature, or watch fireworks and relish all the colors and shapes. Yet it’s so hard to slowly take in your own beauty—to look yourself up and down to find all the lovely things that make you who you are.

But you must! Finding all the beauty that you possess will open your eyes to loving yourself.

Don’t ignore the lovely things that make you YOU! I needed someone to drag me to a mirror to force me to see my pretty green eyes. That made me realize how much I missed out on by focusing on what I didn’t like. It was easy to compliment friends and enjoy artwork and the art of nature. When I go hiking, I slowly look around in awe, appreciating the beauty of the views. Now I use that same attitude to view me!

Start looking for your beauty. It’s there and you can find it if you look. I’m talking about guys too! We all have wonderful qualities that we don’t appreciate. Slow begin to pay attention to things about yourself that you’ve never given time to—the strength in your hands, your warm smile, eyes that twinkle, and a gazillion other things! Linger on each part of you and see yourself like the view from a mountain. Write down what you recognize as your beauty. You have it and just need to take the time to look!
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

Workplace Etiquette Part I

It can be hard to handle workplace etiquette, especially if you need your job and are scared to rock the boat. DoorMats keep their mouths shut tight when things annoy them, but may seethe inside, causing stress to their emotional and physical health. Even if you want to take a stand, it’s hard to know what to do. That’s why I’m delighted to have Richie Frieman as my guest today.

Richie is as he is known as Modern Manners Guy, through his wildly successful podcast series on quickanddirtytips.com, which have been downloaded over 6 million times, provides short, friendly tips to help you live a more polite life. Today he shares suggestions for how to tackle two workplace problems in ways that will empower you. Next week I’ll have two more. Here’s what he has to say”

Modern Manners Guy’s Tips for Workplace Etiquette Part I
By Richie Frieman

Should You Talk Politics at Work?
First of all, I seriously doubt you’ll ever work in a place where everyone is on the same political page. Heck, you won’t even find a workplace where everyone agrees on the best pizza in town! And we all know how heated those office debates can get. Combine pizza, politics, and passionate people and what you have is a recipe for disaster.

If you absolutely HAVE to talk politics, do it in a very small group of very close colleagues; colleagues who you regularly hang out with outside of work and who won’t be offended if your viewpoint clashes with theirs. Notice, I said “colleagues,” not bosses. Refrain from bringing up political talk with your boss at all costs! Disagreeing with the boss’ political choice is the Quick and Dirty way to end up at the bottom of the lineup.

Generally, waving the flag for a certain candidate or political cause is something you should stay away from at work. Don’t get me wrong, you should have your beliefs and act on them in off hours in any way that you see fit. But we all know that politics can really offend people. I’m sure you’ve seen this happen. Someone puts up a sign or poster advocating for one candidate and the guy in the cubicle next door is steaming mad.

So whether you work in a small, friendly, family-based office or in a huge corporation with thousands of employees, discussing politics in the office will always end up backfiring on you (unless you work for a politician). At work, it’s more important to work than to promote a certain cause. Leave that for the weekend.

What Should You Wear to Work?
Some companies scoff at the “no tie” idea whereas others would not dream of wearing a tie. So the best way to choose appropriate attire at work is to start with your company’s dress code.  The employee handbook usually has a pretty specific description of what is and what is not acceptable to wear.  Stepping outside of this dress code is not a good idea. Not only do co-workers take notice, but soon they make the dress code violator the main topic of conversation around the water cooler.  “Did you see what so-and-so was wearing today?  Can you believe that? I can’t believe no one has said anything yet!”– and that is never a good thing.  This situation can lead to resentment as well, especially if everyone feels the violator is getting away with it. Soon others will follow suit and that results in a human resources nightmare.

As a general rule, work should be a place where you dress more conservatively than in your social life.  Work is not the place to showcase anything you might remotely consider wearing when working on your suntan. In fact, as a general rule, if you plan to wear it on the beach or a hot date, you shouldn’t wear it in the office. Aside from not wearing your bathing suit to work, that generally means not wearing anything too tight or short. Drawing attention to yourself is a distraction that the workplace doesn’t need.  And not only that, it’s not good for your personal career. Whether or not it’s right, people make judgments based on how we present ourselves to the world. Wearing something that’s too tight or revealing can only harm your professional reputation.

Stick to this rule: Productive members of society–and those who wish to improve their opportunities at work– should never improve upon the visibility of their undergarments.

Take your cues from your boss or the more senior management. If you notice your boss or your boss’s boss baring their toes, then you can take that as a good indication that your new beach shoes won’t draw the ire of Human Resources. If however, your boss shows up in 120 degree weather still wearing his faithful dress shoes, then you should probably stick to your more formal footwear, too. This doesn’t mean you can’t wear your flip flops on the way into work or when you’re relaxing outside on your lunch break. Just keep a more work appropriate pair of shoes at your desk so you can change when you’re on the clock.
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Check out quickanddirtytips.com for more great advice!
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

Law of Attraction in Action: Karma

This is post 189 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

Way before I heard about the Law of Attraction, I knew the concept of karma—what goes around, comes around. Put out good and you get good. Put out bad and you get bad. It was very simple to understand. Nowadays, karma has become an easy way to describe the Law of Attraction. But they’re not exactly interchangeable.

For me, karma applies more generally to the way you live. It was never used to attract specific desires. But, it does attract a happier, more fruitful life in general. When you have good karma, the people and situations around you tend to be good too. Life feels less stressful and more hopeful. Having good karma adds fuel to the Law of Attraction. It reflects living a life filled with integrity.

I found a video called The 12 Laws of Karma that give great principles for keeping more good karma in your life. I hope you enjoy it!

 

 

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See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series HERE.
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

Declare Your Personal Independence!

Would you like to implement the power you already possess? Yes, you already possess it! It just needs activation. Declare independence—from other people’s needs, from insecurity, from friends who use you, from disrespectful people, from not being taken seriously and from letting others determine your direction. When you light your fire inside, it radiates throughout you.

Learn to satisfy your needs so what others do is gravy. I used to be dependent on people for almost everything in my life when I lived in DoorMatville. Pleasing people seemed the best way to avoid loneliness. I felt helpless when I had a problem and looked to others to help me fix them. I was scared to count on myself for anything! Being dependent on others kept me scared enough to make sure I went along with what they wanted so they’d be there for me when I needed them.

Fear of losing people we think we need can keep us stuck tight. It drives us to put other people’s needs before our own. And it makes us tolerate criticism and feeling used. When I finally got sick of often feeling bad from my quest for keeping everyone happy, I decided to declare my independence from those who didn’t treat me right, and from my need to depend on others.
I learned how to get things done if there’s no assistance and go out solo if no one can join me and have a lot more fun. Everyone needs ME time: when YOU choose what YOU want for YOU. Fear of being alone kept me a DoorMat. I’d treat for dinner or a movie to have company. Now I see solo time as MY way, a chance to enjoy my life the way it feels best for me. Fear of being alone drives you to kiss up to others. So redefine alone! Your own company can feel good if you let it.

Find interests you enjoy and nurture them. Go out with just you—when and how you want. If your friends don’t make you happy, cultivate new ones. Pursue hobbies that interest you. It’s lovely to make decisions (what movie, where to eat, etc.) based solely on your desires. I’m thrilled with time to read, write, or just do silly things. Empower yourself by getting a life so fear of loneliness won’t drive you to remain a people pleaser. Write down at least 5 things you’ve wanted to try, and figure out a way to try at least one.

When you’re happy inside and enjoy your own company, you win, no matter whom you cut loose. It eases fear of taking a stand. Ask yourself, “What would make me happy?” If it’s within reason, do it! Splurge on a massage or treat occasionally. You may say you’re hesitant to spend money, yet many spend on others more easily than on yourself. Hello! You count more! No matter how busy you are, grant permission for downtime. Relaxation, fun activities or time with friends is healthy. Balance obligations with fun.

Become more self-sufficient by learning how to do things you depend on others for. Take a class on how to fix things around your home or to improve a skill or fix your car. You may be surprised at how much you can learn if you make the effort. It feels so  empowering to be more independent. Declare your personal independence—from all the people you really don’t need in your life and save your time for the ones who deserve you. And you come first in the deserving!
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Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

Previous Posts

Recognize Your Beauty
We see the beauty in other people and in the world around us. But, often we don’t recognize or acknowledge our own. Do you balk or try to minimize compliments? Is it easier to put yourself down? Are your flaws more prominent in your consciousness?  All of this is very common but, it’s not right

posted 12:01:37pm May. 25, 2012 | read full post »

Workplace Etiquette Part I
It can be hard to handle workplace etiquette, especially if you need your job and are scared to rock the boat. DoorMats keep their mouths shut tight when things annoy them, but may seethe inside, causing stress to their emotional and physical health. Even if you want to take a stand, it’s hard to

posted 12:01:17pm May. 24, 2012 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: Karma
This is post 189 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Way before I heard about the Law of Attraction, I knew the concept of karma—what goes ar

posted 12:01:19pm May. 22, 2012 | read full post »

Declare Your Personal Independence!
Would you like to implement the power you already possess? Yes, you already possess it! It just needs activation. Declare independence—from other people’s needs, from insecurity, from friends who use you, from disrespectful people, from not being taken seriously and from letting others determine

posted 12:01:10pm May. 21, 2012 | read full post »

Aging Well: Interview with Dr. Jennifer Landa
Everyone wants to age well. Our culture is fixated and looking young. People worry about getting sick as they get older. So I went to Dr. Jennifer Landa to get some info on aging in the best way possible. Dr. Landa is Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD--the largest national network of highly-train

posted 12:01:56pm May. 18, 2012 | read full post »


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