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Do you worry about “what ifs?” and the worst case scenario outcome for everything? I know people like that. Give them something to think about and their minds race to look for potential trouble where there probably wouldn’t be any. They’re usually the same people who see the glass half empty instead of half full–the Debbie Downers who look for the bad stuff instead of the good. Finding things to worry about can be easy in that mentality.
When I was a DoorMat I was often a Debbie Downer and sometimes looked for things to worry about. I was in such a negative place that it was hard to stay positive. My primary worries revolved around whether people liked me. People pleasers are like that. We want to please so badly that we can be constantly on edge, worrying about not being perfect enough or doing enough or that someone misunderstands something you say or do.
When you worry about pleasing everyone, you increase your need to please others.
When you crave everyone’s approval, it’s easy to worry about whether or not you’ll do something to displease people you’re convinced you need. If a friend didn’t call me for a while, I’d project that maybe I’d done something wrong and they didn’t like me anymore. If someone asked me to help with something, I’d worry whether I’d done it to their satisfaction. I didn’t express what I thought because I worried someone might disagree and not like me. All this worry can make you really go the distance trying to please.
Abraham Lincoln said, “Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.”
Does your mind simulate a paintbrush, painting pictures of what might happen? Do you project to the worst possible thing and then stress over it happening? Even if all those “what ifs?” don’t happen, you’ll suffer because you’ll create strong negative emotions about it. Why hurt yourself that way? Many years ago I had recurring pains and parts of my body kept getting numb. It scared me. I worried it was signs of a stroke. My best friend is a nurse and assured me that the chance of it was remote. But I worried. And worried, until I was responding to everything as if I was terminally ill.
Worrying about it actually made me ill in other ways but I didn’t go to the doctor as I was terrified of getting confirmation. Finally, a friend who was sick of hearing me whine about how I might be starting to have strokes insisted I see a doctor. She convinced me by saying that I was already living as if it was true so what could be worse if my doc said it was true. She was right. The doctor said I had a pinched nerve that caused all my symptoms. That was it and it healed fast! I was fine yet allowed worry to take over my good sense.
Worrying serves NO purpose, unless you like suffering!
As you consider all the negative things that can result from an action or situation, you will feel bad about it. Worrying also tells the Universe that you don’t trust that things will work out. So you can actually attract what you worry about by worrying! Why do that to you!!! As I loved myself more and stepped out of DoorMatville, I became more conscious of how much I worried and whether or not it was realistic. As my faith got stronger and stronger, my tendency to worry decreased.
If you want to paint, take an art class! Why stress over what may not occur–unless you like tormenting yourself? An unknown author said, “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well.” Think about it. Things have a way of working out without worrying. Worry does NOTHING to improve anything. Next time you find yourself worrying over things that may not happen, affirm, “Everything will work out fine.”
Take the 31 Days of Self-Love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.
Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.
posted March 25, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Thank you for posting this today. I worry all the time and I really plan to use this affirmation daily from now on”everything will out fine.” Have a good day.
posted March 25, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Glad it helped you Anastasia! Everything really will be fine!
posted March 29, 2011 at 3:58 am
All my worry is about my househelp who takes care of my two kids, she is not competent, yet i pay her a salary commensurate to her services.She doesnt know how to play or comfort kids. my worry now is letting her go and getting another one is not easy here , for the fact that i leave my house everyday to work and return back at the end of the day. please how can i handle the worry of leaving my kids in the hand of an agressive & unfriendly nanny.pls advise.
posted March 29, 2011 at 4:32 am
Loved it! I too am a recovering doormat; and am still breaking the habit. Thanks for the post!
I get anxiety attacks for choosing to act and speak up according to what agrees with me and not others. In my experience, doormats and bullies attract each other, so I’ve been (and still am) surrounded by bullies who get upset if I ‘misbehave”. I’ll quote Abe Lincoln, thanks to you!
posted March 29, 2011 at 9:32 am
I’m looking for resources to help my 12 year old deal with the unknown and relieve some of her anxiety about life’s unexpected twists and turns. Any suggestions?
Abraham Lincoln is a favorits of mine, but I wasn’t aware of this quote. Thank you.
posted March 29, 2011 at 10:57 am
Wow, what a great article! It really helpmed me. I can totally relate to your experiences. I recently had no choice than to go to the doctor after months of agonizing over symptoms. I also had to face my fears after a friend told me I was living as if I was dying. I am now waiting for the result and praying for the best. I know I have to deal with this and will use this affirmation and prayer to expect the best and not the worst. Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone.
posted March 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm
My worries are about achievements, sometimes not seeming to be able to get move from point A to B timely, too much of procrastination. Its looking at where you are and where you feel you ought to have been.
Your article has allowed me to see and look at the positives. To focus on where I would like to be and allow myself to actual see and feel it.
posted March 29, 2011 at 3:32 pm
It’s important to get some faith together so you can get rid of that person Glory. Your kids deserve better!
Glad you liked the article You Name. The short answer is talk the fears through. I’m going too write a post about it for Friday.
So glad you related Lourdes! Have faith that you’re okay!
I’m glad that my article helped Vision!
posted March 29, 2011 at 7:01 pm
I have a son in college whose mid term grades were F’s. I am also in college with a very important paper due. I have been worrying myself sick about my son to the point that it is difficult to settle down to do my own work. I pray everyday but I am haunted by thoughts of him failing and having to drop out. It is totally immobilizing me and I want to have greater faith. Please pray for me!!!
posted March 29, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Simone, let him find his own way. Maybe he has lessons to learn that he can’t get in school and will come back stronger. I know of many younger people who did poorly in college and ended up back in school and then in a great career. But he’s growing up and will have to figure it out–best to let him do it for himself, mistakes and all. He may not know what he wants yet. If he drops out, it isn’t the end of the world. Meanwhile, YOU take care of YOU. Trust me, it will work out, worry or not. Put it ll into God’s hands and show your trust by taking care of you!
posted March 29, 2011 at 9:19 pm
I constantly worry about my son who is autistic. He is 5 and a half and has come a long way. However he has a long way to go. I worry about his future and if he is being treated well in his by his peers and teachers. I conquer the worrisome by praying daily.
Pingback: Question: How can I Help My Child Cope with Worrying? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat
posted April 2, 2011 at 12:14 pm
God bless you for comforting response. Your advice echoed everything I know in my heart. Thank you so much and may God continue to bless you and this ministry!!
posted April 2, 2011 at 10:40 pm
Focus on the progress Rose and let God help you.
Thanks so much for your kind words Simone!
posted April 11, 2011 at 1:10 am
Abraham Hicks
posted May 2, 2011 at 10:48 am
I too WAS a doormat, I think sometimes it’s the way we were raised and how we feel about our self-worth.I’m so glad I have visited your site, your words are very encouraging, its good to know there are others out there and we’re not alone.
The mat at the entrance to my house used to read..WELCOME..now it reads.
“If you came here with a feel good attitude and want a positive experience,please wipe your feet..otherwise.. I’m not home right now, leave a message”..No longer a doormat..kjforce
posted May 2, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Love that mat message!