Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

According to Gawker, John Fitzgerald Page is the worst person in the world. Why? Because he wrote some mean, arrogant things to a woman who winked at him on Match.com. His email response extolled how wonderful he is and sounded more like a resume than a friendly note. After reading the email he sent she sent him a polite note saying she felt they weren’t match.

Page made a point of asking her about her body and indicated he assumed she’s not in good shape because she only had headshots with her profile. When she turned him down, he hurled even more nasty assumptions at her. Since his ego is inflated more than a balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, John was angry because he believed that she had no right to turn his sorry butt down. After all, he went to good schools, did impressive things, and was a great catch, right?

Wrong! People who think they’re better than most, are the worst candidates for a relationship.

They may look good and have money but a jumbo ego is toxic. It creates a ME-ME-ME mentality. If someone responded to me like he did to this woman I’d have deleted it fast and run. Cross them and they get vicious. Reject and they bite. Don’t go along with their needs and they attack. I’ve been with men who thought they were IT. It was all about them. They were critical and expected to get what they wanted. Women can be that way too.

When John Fitzgerald Page responded to her turning him down, he was also showing the kind of person he his. How dare anyone turn these super-egos down? So they attack. And get nasty as their anger of not being worshiped comes out. They think that someone they give attention to should be grateful for it; that they’re better than the rest; that they should be catered to by the person lucky enough to be with them.

If you want to feel good about yourself, avoid these types at all costs. It’s hard to feel self-empowered when you’re with someone who truly thinks that he or she is a prize who is most important. Value yourself enough to only with someone who values you too! From what I hear from both sexes who’ve dated an overblown ego, if you date one, you’re more likely to:

* Lose yourself and your needs to his or her ego.

* Feel unappreciated

* Be criticized

* Experience lousy, selfish sex.

* Have poor communication because they think they’re always right and don’t listen.

* Walk on eggshells to avoid annoying the jerk and setting him or her off.

So, is John Fitzgerald Page the worst person in the world?

No! there are plenty of others just like him.

Most egos grow because people stoke them. It’s YOUR choice to do that to someone you like. Make sure you’re getting at least close to as good as you give. When I was a DoorMat, I jumped whenever my latest HE wanted something. And when I had a particularly hot boyfriend, I danced to his tune even faster, apologizing for things I didn’t even do and doing everything HIS way.

As I say in my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise, we create the jerks by making a romantic partner much more important than ourselves. Guys like John Fitzgerald Page get away with arrogance and selfishness because they’re allowed to. No one can do something to you that YOU DON’T ALLOW.

If we keep acting like they’re special or better than us, they’ll keep acting like they are.
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I laugh at people like John Fitzgerald Page. I’ve heard him justify his pathetic response to this woman on CBS’s Early Show and found it hilarious, and sad. You can watch his clueless, arrogant reply on the Gawker post, Does his quote give you a clue about his attitude? You’ll hear he has no shame talking about how women should respond to men of his caliber. I think a woman’s response should be to run fast.

Nobody is better than anyone else. ALL human being should be respectful to each other. People with better looks or education or anything else are not better people; those who weigh more, have less education or make less money are just as good. I’ve learned that people who have to let others know how wonderful they are usually have low self-esteem and must reinforce the qualities they feel will get them admired.

Just because someone is good looking, wealthy, has a good job, a nice home, a top education, etc, doesn’t mean the bearer of all those goodies likes him or herself. Attractive kids get put down and emotionally damaged. Smart kids get kicked. Whether fat or thin, smart or struggling, pretty or not, being treated poorly hurts us all equally. Spouting hot air about how wonderful you are doesn’t heal the wounds. Only making a conscious effort to love yourself and develop better self-esteem can do that.

Wounds follow a person into adulthood. Sometimes they manifest in arrogance that’s a substitutes for self-love or a true sense of self-worth.

I think I’m a terrific chick but don’t go around telling people how wonderful I am. When you truly have good self-esteem, you let others discover all your good facets instead of advertising them. Telling, or not telling, doesn’t add or detract from who you are. I think John Fitzgerald Page needs to tell people how wonderful he is because he doesn’t love himself. I don’t think he’s the worst person in the world. I think he’s a sad, unhappy man, and toxic to anyone who gets close to him. I’d rather be single forever than go out with someone like him.

When I hear that someone is a good catch, I know the person is referring to external attributes that might make an impact on people but won’t keep you warm at night. They’ll impress friends and family and you’ll feel a false sense of worthiness for having “hooked” this catch. If a relationship centers around one person, it doesn’t usually create the connection that generate real love between partners. It’s better to love the person, not what you get from being with him or her!

Wait for people—whether in biz or for pleasure, who you like as a person.

Be careful when you meet those types! And more importantly—be careful not to become one of them! If you hear yourself spouting how wonderful you are, close your mouth, work
on loving yourself more and show by deeds that a good person you are. You’ll attract better opportunities and healthier people if you do! ?

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks! And thanks to Empowering Women for posting my article in this week’s Carnival.

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I’ve been taking control of my body and lowering my cholesterol without meds. I do my best to eat healthy. But, when I spent a few days at my sister’s home in the Berkshire Mountains, I ate whatever I wanted. I mean serious piggy time. Double my portions. Cheese, which I love, but don’t eat often, and LOTS of dessert! This kind of eating can instill tremendous guilt. But, not for me!

I also admit that I brought some leftovers home with me. The turkey and other good but healthier food went into the freezer. The pies—they remained handy. The next day I made like a turkey and gobble—gobble—gobbled! Pumpkin pie for lunch. Blueberry pie for breakfast. Stomach ache for dinner. Yet all the while I knew it was okay because I didn’t bring home unlimited quantities and once it was eaten, there would be no more.

Now that I’ve finished the treats, I’m being careful to balance that over-eating with lots of veggies and no unhealthy fats for a bit. And running every day!

Too many people ruin their pleasure by beating themselves up for indulging their eating passions. That can make you eat lots of delicious calories, but not enjoy them as much as you could. If you think, “I’m bad for eating this..,” it puts a damper on your pleasure. I prefer pleasure! When you give yourself permission to enjoy a pig-out, it’s easier to stop it after.

Think in terms of controlling your eating, not punishing it. A day or a weekend of indulgence won’t put permanent weight on your unless it continues after. That’s the part you need to control. By the second or third day I’m usually satiated and careful about not having temptations in my apartment. I love myself enough to thoroughly enjoy a pig-out, and to control myself after. That comes with time and practice.

Find ways to control yourself so a pig-out doesn’t become a long-term binge.

* Exercise. When I crave something, I put on my sneakers and head for the park. Jump rope. Go for a walk. It can energize you and take the place of eating.

* Substitute something else for what you crave. Keep healthier snacks, like nuts, or a slow spoonful of peanut butter, available for emergency munchies. I’ve forced myself to eat one baby carrot after another until a craving subsided.

* If you like pasta, try House Tofu Shirataki. It’s found in the refrigerator section of some supermarkets and health food stores. It smells a little funky when you open the package but once it’s rinsed and quickly boiled, you can cover it with some tomato sauce or other flavoring and it tastes good. The best part—a whole package is only 40 calories, full of protein and filling!!

* Do affirmations. “I love myself enough to take control of my eating.” “I choose to eat healthy.”

* Remind yourself how lousy overeating can feel and the price of doing it for too long. Is the momentary bliss of an extra piece of pie or third helping of potatoes worth the pain of gaining weight that’s hard to lose?

Try to avoid seeing a holiday pig-out as the beginning of serious overeating. Eat, enjoy, eat more, enjoy, then settle your stomach and do what you can to go back to eating healthy. I was offered a lot more fattening leftovers than I took home with me. I set limits by not tempting myself with too much. The holiday season is upon us and it’s easier to control how long your pig-outs last than to take off a lot of unwanted weight with a futile New Year’s resolution. It’s more satisfying to feel in control of yourself. And, you’ll gain less weight, which will up your level of self-empowerment.

I have several holiday parties coming up but know I already had my big pig-out so I’ll be more careful most of the time. Parties are easier than a holiday weekend! Beforehand, I eat VERY healthy and never go out too hungry. That leads to more eating. Oink! ? I eat a late lunch and snack on some nuts before I go. Then I can control my nibbling more.

You CAN control your holiday eating IF you CHOOSE to.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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I’ll be away for the long weekend and won’t be posting again till next week. I wanted to wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving, and the hope that you’ll find LOTS of things to be thankful for!

Why I’m Grateful (just a few of the gassillion things I could list if I had more more time)
My health is terrific!
I earn a living doing what I love.
I have a fabulous sunny, spacious, quiet, rent stabilized apartment in midtown Manhattan.
I still feel 21.
I’m happy with who I am and how I look.
My self-confidence is soaring.
I get up every day smiling.
I have wonderful friends and family.
I’m getting into better shape as I get older.
I’m writing this looking out at beautiful forest and mountains in the Berkshires.

I’m not a DoorMat anymore!!!

Enjoy your holiday dinner and don’t get guilty if you indulge. It takes the pleasure out of an occasional splurge. I’m delighted to share a yummy meal with my family and will enjoy it all guilt free. We have almost as many pies as people! But, I know better than to take too many rich leftovers home with me. Am about to go out for a power walk and some running in the hills surrounding me before I sit down to feast.

I wish you all a blessed Thanksgiving that lasts through to next years holiday!

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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With Thanksgiving coming up, I had to join all the other bloggers who are writing about gratitude. I’m always blown away by the extent to which having gratitude attracts more goodies. While it’s good to give thanks on the holiday, you shouldn’t limit it to one day. Holidays are a nice reminder, but don’t save it all up for Thursday! Learn how to manifest more and feel truly good from develop a conscious feeling of gratitude.

Feeling gratitude for what you have attracts more to be grateful for. Gratitude is like fuel for the Law of Attraction!

It’s in all my books. But no matter how strong faith is, it’s easy to forget to be grateful, or to do it by rote, instead of with your heart. I look up many times a day and say thanks for small things that go right–getting somewhere faster than usual, connecting with someone important, a beautiful day, a headache leaving, etc. The more I appreciate, the better life gets. I also say “thank you” in advance of what I want in order to reinforce my expectation. “Thank you for good weather for my party tomorrow.” People ask how I’m able to smile most of the time.

Being consciously grateful for my blessings increases my happiness by a lot. And happiness makes life more beautiful!

Do you consciously appreciate your blessings? You should! Gratitude attracts more blessings. It’s a great mood booster—a reminder of your goodies. Keep a blessings journal. Every night, write down something that you’re grateful for that day. Even if you have to dig and stretch, find some good that came with your day. A record of your blessings keeps you focused on the positive things in your life and may inspire you to attract more goodies!

I recently began a Yahoo! Group called “Conscious Gratitude” and invite you all to join. It’s free and just beginning so I don’t know exactly where it will go. You can choose to get emails as they come in or in groups of 25 in digest form each day. Join me in being more consciously grateful!

Acknowledging blessings brings you more. I’ve created this group to help us all become more conscious of the good in our lives. How will it work?

* Start paying attention to little things that you can be grateful for.
* Send one or more in an email to the group, whenever you find them. Everyone signed up will get it.
* You’ll read everyone else’s. That will trigger more consciousness of things you can show gratitude for that you may not have thought of. Every time an email with blessings arrives, it may trigger your consciousness to pay attention to your own.
* If receiving them becomes too much, you can also participate by just reading the messages online and sending your blessings.
* Sharing yours will increase your consciousness of being grateful for all the blessings you already have. The more you’re grateful for, the more you receive.
* You can also comment on what others say and encourage people that write about one step made toward a bigger goal.
* You can unsubscribe to the group any time you choose.
* Consciousness brings many rewards. This group will help to create more!

Our group is still small but I must say, I read every post and it raises my consciousness and I get ideas of things to be grateful for but don’t think of. And, I’m more conscious of expressing my gratitude.

We’re all in this life together. Bonding through blessings is a wonderful way to stay connected to positive energy. If you’d like to join, subscribe by sending an email to: consciousgratitude-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. In your first message, tell us a little about yourself if you’d like. State one or more of your blessings. And feel free to tell others who might benefit from participating about it.

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon. Thanks!

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