If you're the type who's not really that into Jesus anymore, go read the clever little essay by Owen Egerton, "Jesus and I Broke Up," reposted here. [Hat tip: comment #3 at this Mormon Matters post.] In fact, go read it even if you are really into Jesus and one of his denominations. Here's one paragraph just to give you a taste of the essay.
I should have seen it coming. It started with these little disagreements. Something he'd say would set me off. "And what did you mean by that?" I suppose it's natural to argue, but he had to be right about everything. It was all black and white for him. In hindsight I can see that these squabbles were the symptoms of a larger problem. I didn't trust him anymore. Didn't trust what he said, didn't trust what he wanted, didn't trust who he was. Weeks passed with hardly a word between us. Eventually the day came when we both knew. This wasn't just a rough patch or a dry spell. It was over.
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Wow...clever, funny (I think), and sad all at the same time.
the parallel is perfect, in my book....except that there really is no other to take HIS place....but then I'm still a couple.
I'm glad you liked the essay. If I had to pick my favorite section, it would be this:
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Other times I miss him so much my chest hurts. It had been love, after all. Not puppy love, but passionate life-changing love. Late night prayers, sharing every thought, every feeling. Trusting him with my life. For over ten years nothing, nothing at all, was more important to me. Now that it’s ended, the void feels nearly as encompassing as the presence once had.
Reminds me of this essay:
http://latterdaymainstreet.com/?p=116
Some days I curse you a blue streak, using your name in the most vile ways. But then, one never does that with those who don't count; only the closest ones get the Full Monty.
Most of the time there is that strange remembrance like an adult has reflecting through his child's eyes on Santa Claus, before an older brother took the charm away with a smirk that covered his own disillusionment. I guess that is growing up, to have one's fond associations and memories torn away. Still, there are moments when the intimacy, even if it is a false one, rises up familiar, radiant and warm, as sun kissing the frozen garden where roses and tulips will soon be drawn forth.
While I miss that, and oh so very dearly. There is no return when the awakened mind as Adam after tasting the fruit of rational thought sees with his new found faculty. And so with deeply planted memories that can be stirred by beauty's surface to be drawn into the sacred depths, I am drawn beneath the surfaces, be they named Buddha, or Jesus, or Mohammad, or Brahma, or ________. My rational mind can fade or be stricken dumb by the ineffable, be drawn through any gate or symbol to the centre.
And yet, one's first love will always hold a special place, even when the magic of that talisman is spent, but for heart's reminders in the warming days of early spring revisited.
Thank you for sharing this as I can completely relate.
I kind of feel like I'm going through a divorce with the church and my faith in Christ and deciding if I can forgive my ex even though I feel completely betrayed (by Prop8, by leaders, by people, and by church history). Some days I choose not to think about, some days I read everything I can, some days I miss the wackiness, some days I get angry, some days I go, and some days I am perfectly happy distancing myself.
So my faith is a big complicated mess actually that I don't share with most people. But I still feel inclined to visit and make the all too classic Mormon small-talk steering away from all issues I have.
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