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As we remember and thank those who have served our country and defended our freedom, these movies help us begin to understand their contribution.

"The Messenger" (in theaters next week) One of the finest young actors working today, Ben Foster, stars with Woody Harrelson and Samantha Morton in this powerful story of an injured soldier assigned to visit the families of soldiers to deliver the news that they have been killed.

"Gardens of Stone" (on DVD) The detail assigned to Arlington Cemetery is responsible for honoring the war dead. James Caan, James Earl Jones, and D.B. Sweeney star in this moving tribute to the soldiers who pay tribute.

"Taking Chance" (on DVD) Kevin Bacon stars in this fact-based story of Lt. Col. Michael Strobl who volunteered to escort a fallen soldier's remains when he found out they shared the same home town. It is a quietly touching drama about how the journey affected Strobl and the people along the way.

The athletes have worked harder than they ever imagined, pushing themselves to the limits of their endurance. They've learned how to run faster and hit, kick, or shoot harder. They've watched tape of the other team, the champions, the ones who seem unbeatable. They've learned that there is no "I" in "team," and then they learned it again. And then comes that moment when they feel that they have nothing left. It is time for some encouragement and motivation. They need some words that can remind the players that what they are doing matters, that it is worth stretching their souls and bodies to the limit, that this is a defining moment that will tell them and everyone who knows them and everyone who will ever know them who they are. They need to know that it is not about scoring or medals or applause; it is about courage, determination, loyalty, and knowing you have given your entire heart to something. That is when they need a great coach.

Movie coaches, most of them real-life characters, have provided some of the most memorable moments in film history, inspiring us in the audience as they inspire the athletes on screen. And, in our own private, faint-hearted moments, we often think back on those "Win one for the Gipper" speeches for our own sense of meaning, purpose, and confidence. When you feel as though you can use a pep talk, these coaches are always available on DVD.

12. A League of Their Own Sometimes the coach is the one who needs some inspiration. In this movie, Tom Hanks is a former baseball player who is bitter following an injury. He has a drinking problem, but his former fame gets him a position as the coach in an all-female league, created to keep the fans happy while the male players were fighting in World War II. It is the heart, dedication, and ability of the players that inspires him to become the coach they need. Quote: "There's no crying in baseball!"

11. Personal Best Scott Glenn plays the coach of women training for the Olympics. In one memorable scene, he has a monologue as he watches one of his athletes run around a track, and shows his frustration on both of their behalfs at the second-class treatment of women athletes and and his fierce pride in watching her beat a man. Quote: "The high jump is a masochist's event--it always ends on failure."

10. Knute Rockne All American The legendary Notre Dame coach was an innovator who changed the game of football by popularizing the forward pass and set many records including five undefeated seasons. Pat O'Brien plays Rockne in this film, and Ronald Reagan plans the player whose death inspired the most famous locker room speech in history. Quote: " I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself for years -- None of you ever knew George Gipp. It was long before your time. But you know what a tradition he is at Notre Dame...And the last thing he said to me -- "Rock," he said -- "sometime, when the team is up against it -- and the breaks are beating the boys -- tell them to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper."

9. Remember the Titans When an Alexandria, Virginia school was integrated for the first time, it wasn't just the teammates who had to learn to work together. Coach Boone (Denzel Washington) and Coach Yoast (Will Patton) had to become a team as well. This true story of their first team and its undefeated season, and if you plan to watch, bring a handkerchief. Maybe two. Quote: "In Greek mythology, the Titans were greater even than the gods. They ruled their universe with absolute power. Well that football field out there, that's our universe. Let's rule it like Titans."

8. Coach Carter The great thing about Coach Carter is that after he turns his rag-tag players into a disciplined, winning team, he benches them. Samuel L. Jackson plays real-life coach Ken Carter, who benched the team and locked the gym to insist that his team members could not play unless they did their schoolwork and got good grades. Quote: "You really need to consider the message you're sending this boys by ending the lockout. It's the same message that we as a culture send to our professional athletes; and that is that they are above the law. If these boys cannot honor the simple rules of a basketball contract, how long do you think it will be before they're out there breaking the law?"

7. Glory Road Josh Lucas plays real-life coach Texas Western Don Haskins, who coached the first NCAA basketball team with an all-black starting line-up in 1966. Haskins did not intend to be a civil rights pioneer. He just wanted the best players he could find. And in that era, there were plenty of black basketball players who were not getting offers from anyone else. So Haskins put together a team with a lot of talent and a lot of passion for the game, and then he showed them how to be better players and an even better team than they had ever imagined. Quote: "Your dignity's inside you. Nobody can take something away from you you don't give them."

6. Miracle And don't miss the documentary: Do You Believe in Miracles? The Story of the 1980 U.S. Hockey Team. It's still referred to as the "Miracle on Ice." No one thought the American hockey players had a chance against the Soviet team in the 1980 Olympics. The Americans were amateurs from different teams. The Soviets were the world champions. The David and Goliath game that resulted was voted the number one international game in hockey history on the 100th anniversary of the game. The American team beat the Soviets because they had coach Herb Brooks, played here by Kurt Russell. Brooks said he won because he picked "not the best players but the right players." Quote: "Great moments... are born from great opportunity. And that's what you have here, tonight, boys. That's what you've earned here tonight. One game. If we played 'em ten times, they might win nine. But not this game. Not tonight."

5. Friday Night Lights Before the television show, there was a book and there was this movie, with Billy Bob Thornton as coach Gary Gaines. In small-town Texas, everyone in town goes to the high school football games, everyone thinks they know what the coach should be doing, and every player knows that he may never do anything again that matters to as many people as winning the season. Quote: "Being perfect means going onto the field knowing that you did everything you could have done, with clear eyes, love in your heart, joy in your heart."

4. Hoosiers Gene Hackman plays Norman Dale, who must battle his own demons to be the coach his high school basketball team deserves in this quietly powerful film inspired by the real-life story of the small-town team that took the Indiana state championship in 1951. Quote: "These six individuals have made a choice to work, a choice to sacrifice, to put themselves on the line 23 nights for the next 4 months, to represent you, this high school. That kind of commitment and effort deserves and demands your respect. This is your team."

3. Chariots of Fire A competitor in the 1924 Olympics took the unusual step of seeking a coach, considered vaguely unsporting in those days of the gentleman athlete. And the coach, Sam Mussabini (Ian Holm) was an unconventional choice. So overcome he cannot bear to watch the race, Mussabini sits in his hotel room. When the word comes in that his runner has won, he quietly punches out the crown of his straw hat. Quote: "A short sprint is run on nerves."

2. Stick It (and also see Bridges as a coach in Surf's Up) Jeff Bridges is so natural as the coach of girl gymnasts in "Stick It" and a surfing penguin in "Surf's Up" that if feels like he was born to play the perfect disciplinarian/mentor/source of inspiration. In the underrated "Stick It," his toughest challenge is a gifted athlete who quit gymnastics and is then sentenced to compete again to stay out of juvenile detention. He has to teach her to trust him before he can begin to coach her. Quote: "This isn't the real world. This is my world. You don't have to like me or like it here, but you do have to respect it."

1. The Heart of the Game Bill Resler is a tax law professor who agrees to coach a girls' high school basketball team in this spellbinding and documentary about the quintessentially American themes: race, gender, class, lawsuits, heart, skill, optimism, despair, setbacks, and triumph. Unforgettable. Quote: "Devour the moose!"

Halloween gives kids a thrilling opportunity to act out their dreams and pretend to be characters with great power. But it can also be scary and even overwhelming for the littlest trick-or-treaters. An introduction to the holiday with videos from trusted friends can help make them feel comfortable and excited about even the spookier aspects of the holiday.

Kids ages 3-5 will enjoy Barney's Halloween Party, with a visit to the pumpkin farm, some ideas for Halloween party games and for making Halloween decorations at home, and some safety tips for trick-or-treating at night. They will also get a kick out of Richard Scarry's The First Halloween Ever, which is Scarry, but not at all scary! Witches in Stitches, about witches who find it very funny when they turn their sister into a jack o'lantern. And speaking of jack o'lanterns, Spookley the Square Pumpkin is sort of the Rudolph of pumpkins. The round pumpkins make fun of him for being different until a big storm comes and his unusual shape turns out to have some benefits.

Kids from 7-11 will enjoy the classic It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and the silly fun of What's New Scooby-Doo, Vol. 3 - Halloween Boos and Clues. Try The Worst Witch and its sequel, about a young witch in training who keeps getting everything wrong. Kids will also enjoy Halloween Tree, an animated version of a story by science fiction author Ray Bradbury about four kids who are trying to save the life of their friend. Leonard Nimoy (Dr. Spock on the original "Star Trek") provides the voice of the mysterious resident of a haunted house, who explains the origins of Halloween and challenges them to think about how they can help their sick friend. The loyalty and courage of the kids is very touching.

Older children will appreciate The Witches, based on the popular book by Roald Dahl and Hocus Pocus, with children battling three witches played by Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy. And of course there is the deliciously ghoulish double feature The Addams Family and Addams Family Values based on the cartoons by Charles Addams.

The Nightmare Before Christmas has gorgeous music from Danny Elfman and stunningly imaginative visuals from Tim Burton in a story about a Halloween character who wonders what it would be like to be part of a happy holiday like Christmas. And don't forget some old classics like "The Cat and the Canary" (a classic of horror/comedy) and the omnibus ghost story films "Dead of Night" (recommended by the New York Times' A.O. Scott), and "The House that Dripped Blood."

Happy Halloween!

As I noted last week in my discussion of the recent outbreak of rudeness, courtesy is a neglected virtue, often dismissed as tangential or even hypocritical. But courtesy is sincere, based on a recognition of the dignity deserved by all people, and it is crucially important, requiring us to be sensitive to the feelings of others, and to show respect for them and for ourselves. Some movies teach us that being treated with courtesy can be a transforming experience, a lesson well worth family discussion. And this is particularly important because so many of today's movies seem to depict lack of courtesy as somehow brave, honest, or funny.

In "To Sir With Love," it is not being treated courteously by the teacher that changes the way the students think about themselves and each other as much as it is being required to change their behavior and treat each other with courtesy. In the delightful "Babe," our porcine hero becomes the greatest shepherd of all time by asking the sheep to move politely instead of nipping at their heels. "My Fair Lady" has one of the most famous exchanges on the subject of courtesy in all of literature, when Eliza explains that Colonel Pickering treats a flower girl like a duchess, and Professor Higgins treats a duchess like a flower girl. As Americans, we are inclined to agree when Higgins says that the great thing is to have one manner for all people, but we also agree with Eliza when she says she learned more from Pickering's courteous manners than from Higgins elocution lessons.

"To Kill a Mockingbird" is a movie that resonates on many levels and has much to teach us about many subjects. But I recommend watching it at least once with attention to its emphasis on courtesy, which serves as a beacon in the most troubled and unsettling circumstances.

Babe "This is a tale about an unprejudiced heart, and how it changed our valley forever." So begins this lovely story about a pig who lives his dream (and saves his life) by learning to herd sheep. Farmer Hoggett (James Cromwell) wins the little pig at a fair. Back at his farm, Babe is adopted by Fly, the sheepdog, who treats him like one of her puppies. Babe learns the ways of the farm and the barnyard, and is very distressed to hear from Maa the sheep that she thinks Fly is cruel, and even more distressed to learn from Ferdinand the duck that humans eat animals. Hoggett enters Babe into competition at the fair, submitting him as the best sheepdog. At first, the sheep at the fair won't listen to Babe, but when Rex finds out the sheep password (by promising to be kind and respectful to sheep in the future), Babe uses it, along with his unique style of courteous friendliness, to manage the sheep so brilliantly that he wins the competition.

This movie is a delight for the eye, heart, and spirit. And it deals very well with many important issues. The movie is really a tale of two "unprejudiced hearts." And one of its themes is the importance of kindness--Hoggett's to Babe, Fly's to Babe, Babe's to the sheep, and ultimately Rex's to Babe, and how it transforms both the giver and the recipient.

My Fair Lady On a rainy night in Covent Garden, Professor Henry Higgins (Rex Harrison) meets Colonel Pickering (Wilfred Hyde-White), a fellow linguistics scholar, as he is correctly identifying accents of all those around him. Offhandedly commenting that in England people are defined by their accents, he says that he could even teach a poor Cockney flower girl to speak like a lady. The next day, the flower girl (Audrey Hepburn) comes to see him, to offer to pay Higgins for language lessons. She wants to be "a lady in a flower shop," and that requires a more bourgeois accent and manner. Higgins proposes to teach her to talk like a society lady and bets Pickering that he can pass her off. This musical was based on "Pygmalion," written in 1912 by George Bernard Shaw. In this era, and in this country, it is hard to imagine how genuinely revolutionary it was for Shaw to say that the only difference between the classes was accent and demeanor. It is worth discussing the way that language and accent defined people in this era, and asking children about the conclusions people draw from accents today.

This story has its parallels to Cinderella; it has its climax at a ball, which our heroine attends in borrowed finery. But Higgins and Pickering are far from fairy godfathers. Their interest is not in rewarding Eliza for a virtuous life; they want to show off their own achievement, and play something of a joke on high society. And Higgins is not a prince. In a way he reveals the princess inside of Eliza, though he never intended to, or even took the time to imagine it to be possible.

One of Shaw's most important insights in this story is of the role of courtesy, and the different characters' ideas of its importance provide an excellent opportunity for discussion. Pickering's treating Eliza like a lady has as much to do with her becoming one as all of the training about diction and appropriate topics for conversation. As she says, he treats a flower girl like a duchess. When she says that Higgins treats a duchess like a flower girl, Higgins says that "the great thing" is to treat everyone the same way. That may be, but Pickering is able to treat everyone (even Eliza at her Cockney-ist) with equal courtesy, instead of equal brusqueness. Mrs. Higgins is also courteous to everyone (with the exception of her son); her concern over having Eliza at Ascot is at least as much for Eliza's comfort as her own.

To Kill a Mockingbird The story is about prejudice and injustice, seen through the eyes of a little girl, the daughter of a lawyer who defends a black man against a trumped up rape charge in 1930s Georgia. The lawyer, Atticus Finch (Gregory Peck), is the essence of quiet dignity, integrity, and courtesy. His efforts to teach his son and daughter the values he believes in, which the community they live in does not always honor, are moving and inspiring.

There is a great deal of emphasis in the movie on courtesy and sensitivity to the feelings of others. In the first scene, Atticus tells Scout not to embarrass a client named Walter Cunningham, when he comes by to drop off some food as payment for legal services. Later, when Scout brings Walter, Jr. home for lunch, she is told not to say anything when he pours syrup all over his food. Atticus treats mean old Mrs. Dubose with gallantry, disarming her. Atticus' courtesy in cross-examining Mayella Ewell is so unfamiliar to her that she assumes it is some new sort of insult. The black people in the courtroom balcony stand as a courtesy to Atticus. And Sheriff Heck Tate explains why the official record will show that Bob Ewell fell on his knife. He wants to protect Boo "with his shy ways" from the well-meaning gratitude (and curiosity) of the "good ladies" of the town.

To Sir, With Love Released the same year as "Up the Down Staircase" this is also the story of a new teacher in an inner-city school, although this time the city is London, and the teacher is Sidney Poitier. An outsider by virtue of his country (West Indies) more than his color, Poitier becomes impatient with the insolence and narrow-mindedness of his students and imposes his own set of rules, foremost of which is courtesy to him and to each other. At first, they are embarrassed and awkward, as though they don't want to believe that they could deserve such treatment. The other teachers make it quite clear that they don't think the students deserve it. But soon the exaggerated sarcasm of "Miss Dare" and "Sir" falls away, and we see a superb example of the transforming nature of being treated with -- and treating others with -- respect.

Last year, I made lists of great movie college professors, and high school and grade school teachers. In honor of the first week of school, here are some of my other favorite and family-friendly classroom classics:

1. The Magic School Bus Oh, if only every school field trip could be as exciting and informative as the ones the indefatigable Miss Frizzle goes on with her students. From the farthest reaches of the solar system to the smallest cells of the human body, Miss Frizzle and her students take us with them.

2. Miss Nelson Has a Field Day Miss Nelson is a sweet-tempered soul, but when students do not behave, watch out! Miss Viola Swamp is the substitute teacher. Between them, they teach their students many very important lessons.

3. High School Musical Go Wildcats! Jocks and brainiacs find common ground in singing and dancing in these tuneful, irresistibly disarming instant classics from Disney.

4. Lucas Everyone -- yes everyone -- feels like an insecure outsider at some point in school. I like the way this film shows us from the beginning that while its main character may still be a caterpillar, we know he will be a butterfly long before he does. Great performances by all, including a young Charlie Sheen, and props to the film-makers for staying far away from easy stereotypes.

5. Mad Hot Ballroom A program to teach ballroom dancing to New York City 5th graders in Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Queens sounds like the last thing in the world that would be interesting or relevant to today's 5th graders. But the beauty of this movie is the way that it shows that grace, dignity, elegance, and pride in mastering a skill are important, thrilling, and transformational.