The first part of last night's Heartcore Dharma class at the Interdependence Project was spent discussing dana, or the quality and practice of generosity. This got me thinking about one aspect of generosity with which I have shamefully little experience: charitable giving.
A quick search reveals that while charitable giving is not recession proof, it hasn't dropped as precipitously as the stock market. There are explanations for this: the truly wealthy (as in, you have a foundation named after you that appears after the credits roll on a PBS show) can afford to continue supporting their favorite causes, and most major donors operate on a 3-year profit cycle, meaning they lag behind market trends. But what about individuals? I can only offer my own experience as a miserly non-giver.
I've always admired people who gave double-digit percentages of their income to charity, but the first and only time I've given more than a hundred dollars to anything was last year, during the Presidential campaign. I fed Barack Obama's website about $150. I remember reading somewhere that his campaign burned through about a million dollars a day. I'm still waiting for a personal phone call from the man himself and tickets to an exclusive gala event.
Before that, I'd given about $50 to the ACLU, under $20 to Human Rights watch, $10 to the NPR show This American Life (in two installments), and purchased a Radiohead single for $2.00, the proceeds of which went to a British veterans' charity. Unless buying entire shipping containers of Girl Scout thin mint cookies qualifies, I've not done well in the charity department. Why?
For one, I'm not alone in feeling resistant to simply giving money away without having a tangible sense of it being put to good use. Exactly how will the Red Cross use my donation? Probably for sexy nurse parties at one of their posh facilities in sub-Saharan Africa. Donate? Nice try.
But mostly it comes down to a sensation of scarcity, a default belief that I don't have enough resources - for managing challenges, or looking after someone in my life who is having a difficult time and needs a lot of care, or even just getting uptown to see a friend. I always need more sleep, more time, more space.
It's not just an anxiety confined to the mind: I can feel it in my lower chest. If I'm asked for something that requires time or emotional capital, an internal contraction occurs - I feel myself recoil a little, as if my body is saying, "No, that's too much." It's as irrational as it is real, and it's the same feeling in relationships, charities, or when someone asks me for spare change on the street.
Oddly, this sensation doesn't extend to gift-giving. I spend a lot at Christmas time and on Birthdays for my family and friends. Something about the pleasure of buying and giving stuff is exempt. Well played, Mad Men.
Generosity probably has something to do with an evolutionary feedback loop related to giving and trust in small groups. It's easy to give to people we know intimately because we trust them to return the care. It's harder to see that, collectively, we are interdependent and will only save our species (or not) by breaking down divisions of self and other.
I wonder if I'm alone in this. And I'm interested to see how my meditation practice will affect the reflex of withdrawing from situations that call for generosity. I think it's lessened in recent years as my capacity grows and I realize that things like love and energy are not finite resources to be parceled out sparingly.
In the meantime, I hope New York University will keep sending me tasteful invitations to alumni charity events. They've found a nice home as insulation at the bottom of my kitchen trash can.
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While we wait to hear about the spiritual satisfaction felt by those who give a lot of money, I’ll add another 2 cents worth. Put simply, the most worthwhile benefit of giving – not as a concept of generosity – but as a spiritual act, is when the giving is done not as a gesture but as a caring act.
The giving of any sum becomes a great deed if - *large* or *small* - depending on our bank account - the sum given represents some sort of a sacrifice from us i.e. a cutting back on something we would otherwise have enjoyed for ourselves – as opposed to handing over a sum-with-a-shrug like, who cares, it’s no big deal.
One more point: when we give one-on-one, as I do, we cut out the middle men.
Furthermore, it is not for us to question what the receiver will or won’t do with our donation. Whether they will buy cigarettes, booze, lottery tickets or food for themselves or their children or meth, as in the case of the meth-heads that skulk in your neighbourhood, DMC, should never be our concern. That is best left for the great Karmic arbiter to tabulate.
Our concern, for our own spiritual well-being - need simply be to give to the best of our financial ability – when tapped on the shoulder, so to speak - and to give that sum freely, without looking back, without moralistic, judgemental opinions.
Stillman, unless you are simply after case studies or vicarious experiences from the rich who give big bucks, any preoccupations other than the above, I believe, only amount to accumulating thoughts and theories = playing with words – instead of DOING.
Instead of feeling.
When you say: I'd be interested to hear what it feels like to give from someone with a lot of money. What is the spiritual (or other kind of) satisfaction like for them?
What I’d be interested in hearing from people who give altruistically AND anonymously, as these people get absolutely no recognition for their big bucks – no write ups in magazines, no plaque - not even a pat on the back. How do these people feel about their feel-good moments?
Anyway, since the very rich don’t seem any happier than the rest of us, and the sum they give is relative to their bank accounts, I assume the way they give their millions brings them the same short-term joy as giving a few dollars brings us, if you know what I mean.
Back @ you, DMC :)
Don’t worry about having been suckered by that panhandler of yours. I got suckered, too, and only a couple of days ago. There I was, about to get back into my car when a young woman came to me, looking a bit flustered. She said her car had broken down; that she had called roadside assistance a long time ago but they had not yet showed up. She needed to get home to look after her children and needed $20 to get a taxi.
First thought: Is sucker written on my forehead this morning?
Second thought: ‘K, ‘k! I get it! This is a test – this is practice time.
Third thought: ‘K, but $20 is toooo much.
And I told the woman just that, although I knew I had a couple of $5 and $10 bills and also a couple of $50s in my wallet plus a few dollar coins at the bottom of my bag.
While I was rummaging around for *some* money, i sensed that my reasoning was flawed.
This was NOT the time to pinch pennies. I needed to give the woman what she had asked for and not a penny less and i needed to give it to her kindly – from the heart, not as an empty gesture. And although i knew, I just knew, that her drama had been fabricated, I remembered that such a call was not mine to make.
End of story: I gave her the $20 with a real smile. She thanked me in an absent-minded sort of way. I smiled again, this time thinking that really, really, what i should have given her was one of my $50 bills.
Good Job DMC! You felt a need to give and went on that impulse. It has helped that person enormously. The spontaneous need to help and then act on it is a good impulse to cultivate.
Stillman, I don't know by statistics - but I have found that often times the people that I know that don't make very much money but are socially conscious will often give to organizations that they think are making a difference. So, I wonder if that is why the decline in charitable giving has not diminished as fast as the stock market as well.
All, thanks for the thoughtful comments. DMC, maybe you did get taken, but that's not what's important - you were deeply moved to help someone. That is precious in and of itself.
CC, I've been around some ultra-rich folks and they DON'T seem happier than the rest of us, perhaps just more insulated.
I like your definition of giving as a "caring act." Very nice.
I try to practice giving that which is difficult for me. Often this is not money, but time and energy, my listening ear - as in undivided attention- or my food when I am really hungry.
Thanks, Stillman :-)
I started a blog on beliefnet a few weeks ago, but it's only in the past couple of days that i've been adding serious bits of thinking to it and plan to keep that going for a while. so maybe you'll drop in when you have a minute and add your 2 cents worth, yes?
kind thoughts,
CC
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