by Jon RubinsteinI'm a talent and literary manager. Recently, a problem was brought to my attention regarding an upcoming release. So we all got on the phone--movie studio executives, publicists, agents, and myself--to discuss the situation and see if we could find some resolution.
Going in, there was considerable tension; the call was arranged by us representatives, and all the emails flying around had a real "us vs. them" tone. We had our point of view, which was clearly right; they were crazy for thinking otherwise. The potential was there for some real conflict. And I was as "right" as anyone else on the call, completely sure that my point of view was as correct and unchangeable as anything I'd ever considered.
Fortunately, I had a few things going for me:
- I've been
slowly increasing my time on the cushion in preparation for the InterDependence
Project's upcoming 24 Hour
Meditation Marathon. (By the way, now's as good a time as any to sponsor me.)
- I went to see Thich Nhat Hanh at the Beacon Theater on Friday night, and the phrase "Peace is Every Step" was still rattling around in my skull.
- My "Peace is Every Step" calligraphy had just arrived at the office and was staring back at me from the windowsill. Way to go, Spiritual Materialism!
- I went to a
great class on communication over the weekend where we were drilled over
and over on this amazing, unique, and rare skill called listening.
So as the "other side" started stating their case, I was just a little surprised that I was able to notice my inclination to resist hearing what they had to say, and simply listen. It instantly occurred to me that the people presenting the ideas to us were not the "enemy," but in fact, were trying to do something positive for the film and for my client. And while our priorities were not exactly they same, they were necessarily interdependent. Because of this, I was able to guide my "side" to being willing to hear the proposal, and to consider it without prejudice. As they said in class this weekend, we became "willing to want to," open to the idea that their request was something we might agree to. We walked away from the call feeling energized and collaborative, and I know that the client will be better off for it.
This lesson isn't anything new; the Buddha taught it from at the start. Thich Nhat Hanh tells us that in order to have Right Speech , we must practice deep listening:
"Deep listening is at the foundation of Right Speech. If we cannot listen mindfully, we cannot practice Right Speech. No matter what we say, it will not be mindful, because we'll be speaking only our own ideas and not in response to the other person."
And because we were able to listen, we were able to consider an alternative to our predetermined point of view. Geshe Michael Roach teaches of the "emptiness of problems" in his book The Diamond Cutter:
"An object becomes good or bad according to your perceptions, and these perceptions are dictated very precisely by the good or bad imprints you put in your mind in the past. Problems are not problems from their own side; rather, there is something in your mind making you see the problem as a problem. Every problem can be turned into an opportunity, because no problem is a problem in and of itself."
We often assume that the best solution to problems in the business world is one that benefits us the most, in the short term. Clearly, this hasn't worked out so well; greed has led the economy to a near-disaster, we're choking on the poisons we've spewed into the air, earth, and water, almost eleven million children die each year of preventible causes, and wars rage on several continents.
Fortunately, the Buddha provided teachings to guide us in our livelihood. Right Livelihood seems like an antiquated concept, and it doesn't help that the few no-no's provided by the sutras include arms-dealing, the slave trade, and fortune-telling. But it's possible to make a living in a way that benefits others and cares for the earth, and the lessons we take from the teachings can actually allow us to be more successful in our careers without being solely focused on numero uno.
As Thich Nhat Hanh
said, "Buddhism is the strongest form of humanism we have. It can help us to
live with responsibility, compassion, and loving kindness." There are so many
lessons in the teachings that can help us to have extraordinary careers, full
of joy and peace and compassion, to help make the world a better place. Many of
us spend more than half our waking hours at work, so naturally, having
happiness in our workplace will help create happiness in our lives. I'll be
back each week to talk about the many lessons the Buddha provided in this area,
and I look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences.
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Thanks for making me laugh with, "Way to go, Spiritual Materialism!" Nothing like poking a little fun at ourselves first thing in the morning :-) And lovely post. Such basic lessons, but it seems we need constant reminding of the simple things like "listen." Looking forward to your further adventures.
I work as a counselor in a jail. It is very easy for the us v. them mentality to develop. Many people, inmates and guards get focused on respect rather than seeing each other as humans. As a student of Thay, I'm amazed time and again that by just listening to inmates, hearing their frustrations, hopes, fears, etc. they feel better. It might not fix their "problems" but it helps them feel like fellow humans. And, it helps me feel like a fellow human too.
Thanks for your insights and especially the concrete example of listening as a way to solve communication problems.
As a Buddhist teacher (student of Thich Nhat Hanh), I am currently teaching a course on compassionate listening (one of my students sent me your blog).
I have a deep faith in the power of compassionate listening, and of course it seems simple but takes all of our insight and presence to truly become empty in order to listen.
I have sent your blog to our 17 students, and look forward to hearing more about your experiences.
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