Before Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment at age 35 he was a confused twenty and thirty-something looking to learn how to live a spiritual life. He had an overbearing dad, expectations for what he was supposed to do with his life, drinks were flowing, lutes were playing, and the women were all about him. Some called him L.L. Cool S. I imagine close friends just referred to him as Sid.
Many people look to Siddhartha as an example of someone who attained nirvana, a buddha. But here we look at a younger Sid as a confused guy struggling with his daily life. What would he do as a young person trying to find love, cheap drinks, and fun in a city like New York? How would he combine Buddhism and dating? We all make mistakes on our spiritual journey; here is where they're discussed.
Each week I'll take on a new question and give some advice based on what I think Sid, a confused guy working on his spiritual life in a world of major distraction, would do. Because let's face it, you and I are Sid.
Have a question for this weekly column? E-mail it here and Lodro will probably get to it!
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I recently got into a car accident while riding in a taxi cab. I'm okay physically but now every time I'm out with people and they want to take a taxi I experience incredible fear. I don't want this fear to prevent me from doing this ordinary activity; I live in NYC and want to get over this. What would Sid advise? - Anxious in Manhattan
Fear is rampant in our society of late. Yesterday a graduation ceremony turned into a massacre in Fort Hood. As I sat down to address this question it appears there has been another tragedy, this time a shooting in Orlando. Both of these incidents include people going about their daily routine. Both include that routine being penetrated by fear and disaster.
We never know when fear will arise in our life. On one end of the spectrum there's the fear of public speaking while on the other there's the fear of our own death. Some people even enjoy inviting fear into their life by doing things like going out to see a scary movie (Paranormal Activity anyone?).
The conclusive lines of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche's poem Timely Rain read,
"In the garden of gentle sanity,
May you be bombarded by coconuts of wakefulness."
I don't think Trungpa Rinpoche is wishing ill on any of us in this poem but instead pointing out that we can be going about our life and no matter how hard we try to protect ourselves we will find ourselves bombarded by fear, uncertainty, and anxiety. When we are hit by a coconut do we swear and kick and scream about it or can we actually transform this disruption of our life into a chance to experience wakefulness? In other words, what can we do when we are interested in overcoming fear?
I think Sid would recommend we face our fear head-on. It's a bit like standing on the edge of an ocean and experiencing a big wave crashing over our heads. If we kick and fight it then we're likely to get swept up in it. However, if we dive into it and flow with it then we can come out the other end smoothly and with grace.
The same can be said for our fear. When you feel fear arise before you step into a taxi you can easily let it scoop you up. You can come up with multiple story lines for what could happen, what sort of person your cab driver is, and so on. The driver could be the safest driver on the face of the earth but if you let your fear color your perception of the experience he will appear to be a maniac.
Alternatively you can watch the fear arise in you, acknowledge it for what it is (fear as a result of a previous negative experience), feel it in your body, and then let it dissolve. Come back to what is going on right now. As you have recently been through a traumatic experience in a taxi you may need to do this over and over again, continuously experiencing your fear and coming back to the present moment. If it is particularly difficult you can just focus on your breathing and continue to come back to that as your anchor for being in the present.
The more we work with our own fear the easier it becomes to recognize it as somewhat workable. We learn that we don't have to be swept up by waves of fear even if they catch us off guard. As a result we can react to situations with a clear mind and an open heart.
I think a great deal of patience and gentleness is needed when we engage our fear. Trauma like what you experienced in a car accident does not go away overnight. Sometimes it is helpful to talk about your experience with a trained therapist.
I wish I could say that you will never see fear again, or even fear of riding in a taxi again. I can't. I can say that when we experience fear fully, without getting caught in story lines or trying to ignore it, we can learn to go beyond fear. We can learn to swim through it. We can be present with what is going on, not with what we are worried might happen. That is what Sid did over and over again on his path and what we can train in as well.
If the driver really is unsafe though: get out of the cab. I hear the subway is lovely this time of year.
We never know when fear will arise in our life. On one end of the spectrum there's the fear of public speaking while on the other there's the fear of our own death. Some people even enjoy inviting fear into their life by doing things like going out to see a scary movie (Paranormal Activity anyone?).
The conclusive lines of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche's poem Timely Rain read,
"In the garden of gentle sanity,
May you be bombarded by coconuts of wakefulness."
I don't think Trungpa Rinpoche is wishing ill on any of us in this poem but instead pointing out that we can be going about our life and no matter how hard we try to protect ourselves we will find ourselves bombarded by fear, uncertainty, and anxiety. When we are hit by a coconut do we swear and kick and scream about it or can we actually transform this disruption of our life into a chance to experience wakefulness? In other words, what can we do when we are interested in overcoming fear?
I think Sid would recommend we face our fear head-on. It's a bit like standing on the edge of an ocean and experiencing a big wave crashing over our heads. If we kick and fight it then we're likely to get swept up in it. However, if we dive into it and flow with it then we can come out the other end smoothly and with grace.
The same can be said for our fear. When you feel fear arise before you step into a taxi you can easily let it scoop you up. You can come up with multiple story lines for what could happen, what sort of person your cab driver is, and so on. The driver could be the safest driver on the face of the earth but if you let your fear color your perception of the experience he will appear to be a maniac.
Alternatively you can watch the fear arise in you, acknowledge it for what it is (fear as a result of a previous negative experience), feel it in your body, and then let it dissolve. Come back to what is going on right now. As you have recently been through a traumatic experience in a taxi you may need to do this over and over again, continuously experiencing your fear and coming back to the present moment. If it is particularly difficult you can just focus on your breathing and continue to come back to that as your anchor for being in the present.
The more we work with our own fear the easier it becomes to recognize it as somewhat workable. We learn that we don't have to be swept up by waves of fear even if they catch us off guard. As a result we can react to situations with a clear mind and an open heart.
I think a great deal of patience and gentleness is needed when we engage our fear. Trauma like what you experienced in a car accident does not go away overnight. Sometimes it is helpful to talk about your experience with a trained therapist.
I wish I could say that you will never see fear again, or even fear of riding in a taxi again. I can't. I can say that when we experience fear fully, without getting caught in story lines or trying to ignore it, we can learn to go beyond fear. We can learn to swim through it. We can be present with what is going on, not with what we are worried might happen. That is what Sid did over and over again on his path and what we can train in as well.
If the driver really is unsafe though: get out of the cab. I hear the subway is lovely this time of year.
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@Anan -- while I can appreciate that an "experienced" Buddhist might arrive at this profound relationship to fear more quickly than a lay practitioner or less experienced practitioner, I suspect you haven't considered the fundamental logic of Buddhist practice and its subsequent ability to be applied universally. I am deeply committed to my yoga and meditation practices, but am certainly a novice when it comes to Buddhist philosophy and practice, and my boyfriend has nothing whatsoever to do with the practice at all. However, when we fly together, I offer him coping mechanisms for his extreme fear that are similar to -- if not a replica of -- Lodro's advice above. I help him notice the present moment & encourage him to open his mind to what is happening RIGHT NOW (i.e., the plane is not crashing, the flight crew isn't panicking, they're handing out tiny pretzels; babies are sleeping or laughing, etc.). I ask him to notice the physical manifestation of his fear -- a rapid heartbeat, a sensation in his stomach, sweating. I remind him that his fear comes from memory, not present-centered reality, and I ask him to think of other things he feared as a child in order to contextualize the nature of fear-thoughts. And then we breathe and start all over again.
Part of Buddhism's beauty is its innate practicality, and this quality allows even "nightstand Buddhists" to derive great benefit from the teachings. It would be unfortunate to assume that individuals cannot rise up and meet their minds without practicing for an arbitrary number of years, when in reality, awakening to our thoughts is as tangible a goal as making coffee.
Gassho
My solution to fear was to repeat the event. My first airplane ride in 1951 (age 21) was a commercial flight in a notarious plane type: Martin 202. The plane pitched through a thunderstorm over Pennsylvaia and had most of the folks on the plane screaming and barfing. But the thing that upset me the most the fact that it actually scared me.
I came to the conclusion that it's better to die than to give into fear and I immediately began flying lessons and became a licensed pilot. A few years later, when the Korean war conscription began, I signed up to be trained in jet fighter aircraft and served in the Air Force for ten years. I did a lot more scary and dangerous things then than a ride in a Martin 202. Sometimes I did things on purpose that I knew were life threatening. If you don't die, it's tremendously exciting.
If you don't do something like that, you will suffer indefinitely because you didn't confront it. After doing it, it will make you feel really great.
I am sorry you are experiencing such trauma and fear...these can certainly paralyze our lives...
At 18 I was in a serious car accident, my best friend in the whole world was killed along with another good friend...I will never forget them or the event but it took me years to get over the fear of riding in a car and all the things that were associated on the road with that accident...I learned to drive and just kept getting in even though travelling for years was a stress filled experience...I had to face the fear...however, it helped to let drivers know my fears, and to talk about the accident with concerned friends plus talking with some good therapists helped too, most assuredly prayer and working on a connection with "god" (use your own term) was my greatest ally...I think now that my notions of death, dying and sufffering have changed they are not the huge monsters they once were...however, it may help you to understand what fears this experience has brought up for you...I wish you well and send thoughts of your freedom from this trap called fear...
I have a feeling your fear was also triggered by a previous trauma, perhaps one you've probably forgotten, it's that long ago. With a trained therapist, you might want to re-visit that long ago trauma and deal with it first. After you've dealt with it, dealing with all future traumas will be peanuts. Our brains work wonderfully, sometimes too wonderfully. They shield us from many things which we perceive to be threatening. This over-protectiveness does backfire sometimes, though. Because we never can say for sure what will happen tomorrow, that same over-protectiveness can function like a rusty suit of armour. You can't seem to take it off even when you don't need it. It becomes a part of you so much, you think it's you.
can I submit an article on buddhism to this web. It is about the topic
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