On Fire: Finding Your Gift And Using It

Coffee on a cloudy day

I fill my large Einstein Bagel coffee cup with vanilla hazelnut. The woman next to me mumbles, “I should know never to book anything before 10:00 o’clock on a Monday morning.” She explained she got lost on her way to an appointment and missed it all together. Now she’s getting coffee and regretting the day—already.

I commiserate with her. “I just read most heart attacks occur on Monday morning. So, I’m with you. They’re a killer.”

“Have a good rest of your day,” I spout as I head out the door.

I had just driven three miles to buy the best-tasting cup of coffee I could find for my own reasons: I woke up with a dark cloud hanging over my soul and I can’t shake it.

Why? Did someone die? I ask myself.

Well, someone DID die. That young man in a freak climbing accident. A friend of Laura’s.

But I didn’t know him. What else?

Well, mom and dad are both struggling.

 But they’re still here. 

Did I read too much news before going to sleep?  That’s a sure path to anxiety.

Was I on facebook too much? The foreboding, “sky-is-falling” posts circling around can drag me down, for sure.

I can’t pinpoint the cause. I just know there’s a cloud, and it feels like fear.

I.

I sit in my car and take a few sips. Yum.

A thought floats up: I need to get on my own side.

I tell myself to stop colluding with fear and darkness. God loves me. I need to join Him. Be gentle with me.

The cloud lightens a little.

II.

Then a realization comes: I just bought a large cup of vanilla hazelnut coffee. I have a car to drive. I’m looking out on a beautiful mountain range. I have food to eat and a place to sleep. Friends and family.

I’m blessed. Very blessed.

I grab my journal from the back seat and make a list of my blessings. Then write:

God, I’m thankful for all these blessings. Thank you!!!!!!

Blue sky peaks through.

III.

Now what?

Contrary to how it seems some days, I’m not direction-less or useless or left out. I’ve got a Gift to give.

I decide to write a fresh answer to the “Why am I here?” question:

My life purpose is to help people see that who they are and the talents they possess make up a unique Gift that the world needs. My work is to inspire them to give their Gift.

 I reach for my lap top. Open it and being typing.

The cloud is gone.

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photo credit: Kara Allyson (creative commons)

Shoe Cobbler

Henry Linder is a 93-year-old shoe cobbler in a tiny town in the Carolinas. He’s an internet sensation right now, even though he doesn’t own a computer. Erik Olsen’s documentary on Henry just won first place in iReport’s Community Choice category.

Henry retired from the shoe business in his seventies, Olsen reports. But he returned three months later, mainly because he missed his customers. Now Henry says he’ll quit when his “toes point upwards.”

Henry is an example of doing work in a spirit of true service. His craftsmanship is superb but his focus isn’t on the shoes. “I make other people happy, or I think I do — they say I do.”

“I’ve made more friends than I’ve made money, I imagine,” he says.

Henry reminds me of someone.

Lisa (not her real name) was in an out-of-the-way place too—the Denver women’s prison. She was a student in our class, “Find Your Purpose Now.” The class was based on the assumption that everyone has a purpose and we are called to carry it out, even if we are—heaven forbid—incarcerated.

Lisa was an eager student. On the final night of class she came with her finalized purpose statement:

My life purpose is to encourage people and give them hope. I will help them become free from the past.

She’d also written out a five-point strategy on how she was going to be the encourager she felt she was called to be—in prison with her fellow-inmates.

Both Henry and Lisa know they are here to make life better for others. They are giving what they have to give in the place where they are planted.

They point the way for us:

– Do we wish we were elsewhere?

– Do we put off giving ourselves fully until things settle down? When there’s more money in the bank? When we feel stronger? When________?

Truth is, we don’t know how much time we have left here on earth. We don’t know for sure where we’ll be a year from now. Things could be more calm or more chaotic.

We must give our Gift now.

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photo credit: Bachir (creative commons)

My frozen heart

In a funk, I picked up O Magazine.

Inside Oprah interviewed Dr. Brené Brown, Houston sociologist famous for her research on shame and vulnerability.

I had viewed her TED talks. Even read Dr. Brown’s latest book, Daring Greatly. I knew the interview would be awesome: two bright women discussing threats to our relationships and well being. And what to do about it.

But Dr. Brown’s call to be daring and wholehearted bounced off my frozen heart. I was swimming in fear. My father might be dying. There were other family problems. My work felt…stupid. Self-doubt dripped off me.

I set the magazine aside.

After two days of being stuck in a dark place, I address God with humble desperation: “God I so need to get back to trusting you. Back to being your child. Help me!”

I feel my heart soften, open up.

I’m drawn back to the interview and this time read Oprah’s words:

When people say,“Why does God allow bad things to happen?” I always say, “You know, God is available to us. He’s here all the time, waiting on you.” People don’t suffer because of God. People suffer because of people. Because we don’t allow the spirit to flow through us.

Yes.

I’m God’s creation.

I’m don’t have the burden of being in charge. I get to go out and play.

I can have fun, create, be open, and love freely.

I can delight in myself, people and the whole wide world.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! I John 3:3 (NIV)

Something wonderful could happen today.

 Today.

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My ebook, “Blossom You,” is here (free).

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photo credit: Letting Go of Control (creative commons)

As he steered his Lexus 430 SC onto the freeway in early morning traffic, John kicked himself. Why do I feel so…flat?

He had finally achieved the stability for which he worked so hard–a good job with a profitable company, a new sports car, a steady girlfriend, bills paid…he even had the quickest route to work mapped out and timed—26.5 minutes flat. His apartment was the epitome of order. Over the weekend he found the screw needed to tighten the rack on which to hang his after-shower towel.

Life was good. Even perfect.

But John couldn’t shake a nagging darkness, like someone had died. No one close to him was even ill. He tried buoying his spirits—an after-work drink with the guys, viewing a horror movie, and extra time on the gym’s treadmill. Nothing worked for long.

John worried his funk would affect his work. Should I see my doctor…a counselor… or psychiatrist? No, I don’t want someone thinking I’m crazy or putting me on pills. Finally he rang the parish of the little church in his neighborhood and made an appointment to see the priest.

Sitting in Father Lewis’ office, John nervously explained his predicament: the great life he had achieved with the job, car, girlfriend…and the mysterious depression.

At the end of John’s sentence explaining how he felt “dead” all the time, Father Lewis cleared his throat and jumped in. It’s clear the goals you’ve achieved haven’t brought you happiness. In fact, the opposite. Humans are meant to live life as adventurers, always growing. When we pursue safety as a goal, we kill our hearts.

Father Lewis went on to share an example from his own life and then gave John an assignment: Find one new, outlandish thing to pursue each week for the next three weeks and then come back and see me.

Although he had no idea how to fulfill the assignment, something in John’s mind clicked. He knew Father Lewis was on to something.

A week later John reviewed his progress:

– Although he was not ready to give up his preferred route to work, he found a new coffee shop to stop at on the way.

– He survived an introductory boxing class at the gym.

– The scariest thing he could think of was rock climbing. Hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain brought shivers up his spine. He found a beginners rock climbing class listed in a YMCA catalogue. He paid the $49 to go in two weeks.

– Father Lewis had handed him a flyer on Mentoring Day for boys in foster care. It was a day of activities and a cook out in the park for the boys, given by men in the church. He phoned the parish and said he would be there—this Saturday.

He didn’t know why, but the dead feeling had eased considerably. John sensed a slight hopefulness—even excitement at times—about the future.

The towel rack was now coming loose from the wall. It would probably be all the way down in two days. John clicked through his priorities in his mind. The rack would just have to wait.

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Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.

-Helen Keller

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This post is an excerpt from my free ebook: Blossom:You

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photo credit: Charles Williams (creative commons)