Under Attack!! Rude Remarks that Ruffle My Feathers by Janice Taylor
Every so often, someone says something to me about my newly found thinness that is upsetting and sends me reeling. (Yes, it's been seven years since I permanently removed over 50 pounds, but it still feels newly found. Until I have lived more years thin than fat, I shall consider myself newly thin.)
Attacks have been made on my weigh-of-life - some critical of my eating style, some critical of my tight jeans, some lash out over my arched eyebrows.
When we change in any way, shape or form, it sometimes upsets other people's apple carts. They are unnerved. It's important to remember that it's not about us; it's about them and there is no truth to what they are saying.
The attacker is more than likely overcome by a flurry of uncomfortable feelings. If they feel threatened by your new lifestyle, your new sveltness, your beauty, your calm, your fabulous hair ... anything ... they may lash out. Their emotions are spilling out and over.
What to do?
- Stay cool man, real cool. - No point in escalating the negative vibes.
- Remember - it's not about you. You are not responsible for the attackers issues.
- Do NOT counter attack. If you feel compelled to say something, simply express how you felt when they said what they said. You do not want to escalate the 'war.'
- Take in a deep breath.
- Smile and walk away.
- You cannot control other people's actions, but you can control your own.
What's your 'stay cool' strategy? Comment below!
Spread the word ... NOT the icing,
Janice
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Janice Taylor is a Life & Wellness Coach, Cert. Hypnotist, author,columnist, seminar leader and 50 pound big-time-loser.
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I need your guidance to help me lose about 15 pounds.
Isn't it ironic...I have clear memories of other kids and adults ridiculing my weight from grade school years (I am now 51). These memories have never faded. It's even more ironic that if one makes signifigant changes, they are (again) the target of rudeness from others. I am in awe of Janice, and this article strenghthens my resolve to 'give myself the gift' of fat deduction by my next birthday in April of 2009. With healthy changes, I find it funny that it is necessary to develop a very thick skin.
I loved the "other cheek" technique, by pcw, "When someone says something rude to you, the best thing to do it say something nice to them back." I believe Jesus said something similar.
As an NLP Practitioner, I would, however, be mindful of "All in all, be the bigger person." for people who intend to reduce their body size. "bigger" probably meant "adult" in pcw's sentence,
and at the same time, "bigger" also means, well, bigger. And our subconscious would make us bigger - literally. Many people get heavy to "have some weight" in the conversation...
If what people say bothers you, there are several options. Why pretend? You could say "do you really want to make me cry?" as in that famous song... You could say "Ouch", with dramatic aaargh, as if you had just been hit by an arrow,
or you could mime a boomerang and laugh, or duck, and laugh, or visualize a Star Trek force field and their words bounce back, etc. Or say "is that nice?" as the mafia gangster in "Analyze this!" Or (my fave) look at them as if they were a curious insect, quite fascinating actually - and you cannot wait to see what they will do next. THAT usually astounds people.
Have fun! I hope others will have other fun ideas, this is something we all have to come to terms with. Sometimes, people are NOT NICE. Sheesh.
Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.
6x6vdc
When my daughter was in high school she lost 50 lbs., and her best friend (who has always been thin) made some awful comments. This group of kids were going through the "angst" of being teen agers, they hated everything, were cynical and snotty about everything. Then when my daughter felt better about herself, and felt less anger towards the world, her friend felt lost and abandoned. She resented the change of my daughter's appearance because it was a change and this girl was very insecure. My daughter has maintained an 80 lb. weight loss for 10 years, and this "friend" is an alcoholic with serious emotional issues. So when someone makes a comment about losing weight it's probably because they are screwed up emotionally, and want companions in their negative journey through life.
I've found that a sense of humor is also important when it comes to deflecting comments from others. Sometimes it helps to remember that other people aren't trying to be insensitive. It really helps to assume innocence when you hear a comment that strikes you as hurtful. I am not always successful at that myself, but it still remains good advice. Dieting and losing weight may not be all that easy, but I've found that it's a lot easier to keep control of your portion sizes than it is to control the way other people act.
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