I too was raised without the burden of siblings and the only time I ever missed it was when my mother died and after burying my grandparents as well it would have been nice to have had a sibling to say, “Your turn, you take care of it,” to.
Other than that, it has been a wonderful 61 years.

Although I like the spirit of the blog entry, I disagree that France and Norway have hit “lowest low” fertility. Both have higher than average fertility rates in Europe. Fertility rates are far lower in Italy, Spain, and certain Eastern European countries. The French and Norwegians are actually doing a pretty good job of reproducing themselves.

I think it is great that you have nine healthy children and your wife is healthy, too, Rabbi S., but all people aren’t like your family. People have to find their own way in life, and shouldn’t be judged by us or others.

I love big familys. wish I had one. came from a family with 2 kids. I have 3 kids. I did though have a large extended family. I think if great! However if you wish to have only one that’s fine. Everyone is different but for me, If I could have I would have had 4-d kids.

Talk about “narcissism and celebration of selfishness” : a guy who got kicked out of Lubavitch and has proclaimed himself “America’s rabbi” is the poster child for such!!
Secondly, Gadol haDor Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, z’l, was the definitive decisor for (American) Orthodox Jewry in the 20th century. If anything, his rulings learn toward the more stringent. He has ruled – original Hebrew text of this responsum available upon request – that except when quoting texts verbatim from scripture or liturgy which contain the Tetragrammaton, the proper HALACHIC usage is the plenary rendering ‘God’ – NOT ‘G-d.’ .
Your (mis)use in this blog was a VIOLATION of Reb Moshe’s ruling. Be so advised! And never do it again!

I read that same article in Time a week or two ago and I did not get the impression that the author was trying to disparage those who choose to have more children, but rather, show that it is ALSO okay to have only one child.
Nine children is wonderful if the woman bearing them can physically and emotionally handle all those pregnancies and all those babies. Some women, however, cannot. I know of two women who had more children than they really wanted because of the dictates of religon and it destroyed them and their families.
People should have the number of children they want and can afford, physically, emotionally and financially. Children can grow up healthy and happy with no siblings, one sibling or five, if they have happy, well-adjusted parents. It is sometimes wise, not selfish, to decide to have fewer children. I think the rabbi is influenced by his own biases here.

Having one…..okay, if that’s right for you, but don’t slash everyone who has more than one. The author makes some points, but in the end comes off as selfish and self-absorbed. I raised three children (a fourth died in infancy) including one who had special needs. They didn’t get piano and ballet lessons, and they went to public schools except for my daughter who really needed the smaller parochial high school she attended, but they played sports, had swimming lessons, went to the library and museums and such, and are today happy fulfilled adults. I grew up with siblings and can’t imagine having only one. That was right for me. Do what is right for you and don’t get all snotty-superior about it…….in any direction.

Hey Schmul, both you and Ms Sandler are on opposite ends of the pole and both of you have whacked out reasoning for your choices. You, sir are a poor example to all others, and as a Jew, we both know that is part of your job to be a light unto others. It is obvious to any casual observer that we need to conserve resources and learn to share nicely. And those children are individuals who deserve a lot more attention than you can give all of them. It should not be the responsibilty of older siblings to care for younger ones, except occasionally to build good character. I came from a family of six and my folks from families of 11 and 7 children respectively. Some children managed and succeeded in makeing good lives.Some, sadly did not, and it is mostly due to too many children in the families. The Muslims do not have large families because they love children! Balderdash!! Do you really truly honestly believe that?!?! Maybe some, but there are many other reasons, and some of them are diabolical. I will not elaborate. It is obvious. The woman promoting the idea of a one child family is naive, maybe selfish, and is doing a disservice to her child. There certainly may be cases where it is necessary, or advisale to have only one child, and we should not judge. I had only two, and I admit, for selfish reasons, I think it would have made me happy to have one more, in large part because I lost one traumatically when I was 3 months pregnant. You are judging too casually and who are you to judge? YOu have made a lot of bone headed decisions, and we all got to witness them. Having nine children is just one more! Respectfully, but with serious concern, JL
PS And, you have to know the harm birthing 9 children does to your wife. Ah, you can just get a new one when she wears out, right?

Dear Rabbi Schmul
My husband and I, both Catholics, are one of those who choose to have a “large” family and I work with Catholic moms, as a spiritual director, who are seeking to understand G-d’s call in their lives as mother and woman.
What strikes me about Ms.Sandler article is a seemingly spiritual void she is experiencing. Perhaps form childhood experiences, or some other unanswered spiritual need, she has focused not on the spiritual dimension of children and child rearing, the spirituality of motherhood if you would, but rather the material aspect: The cost of ballet lessons, and so on.
Are there burdens to raising children. Of course there are. Are there sacrifices, yes. Do we compromise when we become parents, certainly. But can’t the same be true for any relationship in which we enter. There are many reasons why a couple chooses to have children and how many. I have worked with women who have only been blessed with one child. Some of these moms feel great emptiness at only be able to have one, others have discerned that adoption was something G-d was calling them to, still others discerned differently and feel G-d has only called them to have one and raise that child well and lovingly.
For many having children is a blessing and there are moms I work with who are over joyed with the children they have, no matter the size of their family. These moms see motherhood as the expansion of themselves, not the fulfillment but the expansion, making them stronger and wiser as women.
Children do change us utterly, there is no mistaking that fact, no matter how few or many we have. Children change the way we view ourselves, our relationships with others, our whole being. When we become parents there is a major shift in our thinking, we can no longer be thinking entirely of ourselves. Our priorities shift as well. And these changes can often be quite traumatic for new parents. Even the most “prepared” parent will be shocked at how a small child will change their world and perception of it.
But having children does not deem us to a life of unfulfilled dreams, goals and aspirations. To be good role models for our children we must show them that our G-d given callings are important, and that our callings can and do change over time. Our callings grow and mature, and this growth and maturity often comes with addition of children. As young adults we spoke as a child, thought as a child, reasoned as a child, when as we became parents did we put away childish things.
Instead of focusing on the material, the burdensome, the tiring routine, wouldn’t it have been helpful for Ms. Sandler to point out how children, her child, other families children; helped them become more than they thought they would be? I read recently that having a large family was a “new sign” of wealth; how that would have made a much more interesting cover story.

“Our decision to have nine children revolved around a simple love of kids. We love their cuteness, their playfulness, their gentleness, their innocence.”
Get puppies! They are cuter, more playful, often gentler and definitely innocent longer. Do not burden the rest of us with the detritus of your litters. The world is too full already of people using and disposing of too many things.
There are good reasons for having children and my wife and I are very glad we did but I’m glad we were not so greedy as to have a large family. And if you do love children so much, adopt. There are lots of children with disabilities of one sort or another who need a strong parent or two to adopt them and raise them. You definitely don’t need to start your own.
And the absolutely last thing the world needs is a fertility war. Let’s engage in helping people have sensible-sized families, not in competitions to produce the most voters.

Rabbi Shmuley – I read the Time magazine article and had the exact same reaction that you did. But I find that everywhere these days. Women — and men — seem to have decided that their “lifestyle” is undermined by parenthood – and so overgo it or have one child and thenc omplain. All examples of why children are a problem always come down to too time consuming and too expensive. We live in an academic community — the contempt heaped on children is pretty overwhelming.
- Mom of Four

I’m thinking that’s nothing to the contempt shown by Teabaggers and other Republicans who are happily watching education budgets go down the toilet. Just as long as their taxes stay low they don’t much care what else happens to our country, including our children’s educations getting cut through the bone.

Wonderful stuff, Rabbi. It’s an amazing development that people who avoid children so they can buy more stuff will castigate large families as “greedy.”

Thank-you Rabbi for showing your support of those who choose to have bigger families.

Unfortunately, the West is too materialistic. Everything here is so expensive. I could raise ten childeren much cheaper in another part of the world (such as India, Middle East, ect.). Having loving relationships (with or without children) is far more important than things. No wonder why the West is in decline: too much materialism!

My parents were blessed with eight living children. Some couples are blessed with large families and some are not. It was hard at times to be one of eight, but again, it was good. I was unable to have more than two children and I had to pray and work for these two children.
I think we are so busy trying to figure out what is best for all families, that we do not realize that some things are out of our control. The size of our family is less important than that we raise the ones we are blessed with with love and the knowledge of the Torah.

As an only child my only wish was to have a large family. I have 4 children I gave birth to & two stepdaughters. We are all one big (often happy), family.
We have had our ups & downs, kids are mostly grown up, all university grads, except youngest. Two are married with kids, they each have 3 & thinking of going on to #4.
I wouldn’t trade this for anything. Including the years that we (parents) did without so the kids could have ballet, sports, etc. Nothing we gave up was as valuable as having the kids.
it may be different strokes for different folks, but ask the Chinese parents & only children what they prefer?
They will tell you that a larger family is always better for values & for fun.

I was raised in a large family. We had some rough times and a lot of good times. I was unable to have more than two children. I think a lot of people do not think about bearing and raising children as G-D would have us do so. The laws in the Torah concerning marriage and the conception are all but ignored. The Duggers, 19 kids and counting have stated that they do look to The Old Testement Laws concerning marriage and they have 19 healthy, intelligent children.

You nitpick about so much and say so little…one wonders if there’s anything more than psychological game-playing in your lecture. Just one example: you scorn “happiness” as a motivator, taking the word to signify something superficial or selfish. But some use the term (“true happiness”) as a reflection of good in the world…a synonym of bliss, or grace. It’s mere semantics, and you know better. You’re driving a meaningless wedge in this argument out of spite for those who would offer you polite criticism.
Ridicule the study of music and dance as “over-programming.” Turn your nose up at people who have reasonable questions about money. On and on. Isn’t this all just thinly disguised, holier-than-thou moralization? I’m not in touch with what’s really important because children are not the center of my life? If I question traditional values, you’ll lord them over me. But once we let the hot air out of your speech, what’s left? Certainly nothing helpful to those of us who have questions about the problems of large families and large populations.