Those of you who are men, or married, or women, or thinking of getting married, might find something interesting in today's New York Times article about trends in infidelity:
- The lifetime rate of infidelity for men over 60 increased to 28 percent in 2006, up from 20 percent in 1991.
- The lifetime rate for women over 60 has tripled: to 15 percent, up from 5 percent in 1991.
- About 20 percent of men and 15 percent of women under 35 say they have ever been unfaithful, up from about 15 and 12 percent respectively.
Why is this? The theories offered are fascinating:
Viagra -- "Among older people, a host of newer drugs and treatments are making it easier to be sexual, and in some cases unfaithful -- Viagra and other remedies for erectile dysfunction, estrogen and testosterone supplements to maintain women's sex drive and vaginal health, even advances like better hip replacements."
In other words, they cheat because they can? Stated another way, the adultery rate had been artificially suppressed by men and women who would have happily cheated if they could have.
Internet porn -- "In younger couples, the increasing availability of pornography on the Internet, which has been shown to affect sexual attitudes and perceptions of "normal" behavior, may be playing a role in rising infidelity."
If true, this strikes me as significant. We all have a general sense that the rapid spread of pornography must have some social costs but it's never been clear exactly what.
Instant Messaging -- "Even for women who stay home, cellphones, e-mail and instant messaging appear to be allowing them to form more intimate relationships, marriage therapists say. Dr. Frank Pittman, an Atlanta psychiatrist who specializes in family crisis and couples therapy, says he has noticed more women talking about affairs centered on "electronic" contact."
This strikes me as plausible and obviously not just for women. IM and email make it much easier to open up to strangers or people with whom you don't or cant spend much time.
The article didn't address this riddle: How could infidelity be going up while divorce rates are going down?
What are your theories?
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I said this earlier, but I think our culture has degraded so far that we are being led in the senate by a man who is a sinner. We are still supposed to vote for Mitch McConnell when he can't even explain why he dropped out of the military
http://www.kentucky.com/news/state/story/563718.html
Why is this story being featured on "proudofwhoweare.org" by the guy who outed Larry Craig? Does he know something we don't?
I don't doubt that those might well help increase the rate. However, those who would blame viagra may well just be continuing their approach to fidelity. The effects of senility/dementia may also be involved with that elder generation, too.
I wouldn't dismiss the idea of more honest self-reporting as well.
It wouldn't surprise me, either, to hear that greater disclosure of the varied sins of clergy diminish the effects of their condemnation of cheating, and may even give a prod toward thinking about cheating among otherwise oblivious listeners.
I always have this fear of marriage because it seems like after a certain amount of time together you will get sick of each other and start lusting after other people.. it really makes me sad that it can't be this fairy tale story of living happily ever after together forever. I love my boyfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with him, though there are some issues that I know will make this complicated, plus he also watches porn and from what I've read I wonder if after a certain amount of time that he will want to "explore" with more than just with me. Plus, my parents have been married for like 26 years or something close to there and their relationship seems to now be more like a business partnership than anything. And they yell A LOT.
It is really discouraging.
Culture is what it is at the time of measurement; like an atomic particle, you may know where it is but have no idea of where and how fast it is going.
If culture is measured only by sex, than you can look to Lot and his daughters or take David-more and lusting for more-and of course we can rely on the wisdom Solomon and that southern woman.
As for prostitution, there is always Ab`i-shäg the Shu´man-mite.
We don't have Coliseums in our civic centers for the Games; we just kill people someplace else.
The Comonweal is led or it just follows its leaders across the stage.
Sincerely, J R Dittbrenner
Marriage starts out as love but ends up being just a contract. You don't stay in love with the person you marry. You get 3 years of that "in love" feeling at best and 5 years if you're lucky. Every person I know isn't in love with their spouse anymore. They care about them but they no longer view them in a sexually arousing way. Just the way it is. It has nothing to do with porn or a degrading culture since my grandparents told me that everything happening now was happening back then; it just wasn't broadcast on the 6 o'clock news. About 1 in 4 people have affairs. And the rest of us wish we could but choose not to out of respect for our spouses. When it boils down to it, we're not monogamous. Religious people are just as susceptible to affairs as anyone else and women aren't anymore monogamous than men. Everyone cheats for all the same reasons: Because they want to and because they can.
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