Some extraordinarily beautiful and wise posts on my piece about the death of Joe Biden’s wife and baby daughter. One from Rich W.
At age 16 I lost the sight in my left eye. Some kid was playing around with a belt and hit me in the eye, brusing and eventually detaching the retina. My reaction was to ask why, to wonder if God was punishing me for some reason I didn’t know about. All my plans to join the Navy and see the world, to fully become a man, were gone. It felt like my life was a bushel basket that had been turned upside down. I can truly relate to Sen. Biden’s feeling of wanting to just cut and run.
At 18 I had my hand on my Father’s .38 Colt pistol and put it to my right temple, ready to blow my brains out.
What stopped me was the rational/irrational thought that because (I thought) I’d screwed up my life so badly so far, I’d probably mess up this attempt and be left like a vegetable, leaving my Mom with a real mess to handle, which I didn’t want and put the pistol away.
Now I had to start all over. At first I denied it, thought that my sight might return. Then I pleaded with God, give me back my sight and I’ll be a model Christian. When that didn’t happen I kept asking “Why me?”
At age 21 I got my answer, it was “Why not you.” When I finally accepted the fact my sight was gone, never to return, I got the greatest lesson of my life, in 3 words. Life Goes On. I found that I could beat my head on that inner brick wall all I wanted and all I’d get was a bloody head. God knew better than me why it happened. It happened. Now go on with life.
It’s no Christian bromide to say there’s a lesson in every tradegy. There’s gift of learning in each major event that occurs in our life. Life goes on, as it will and we must simply deal he cards we’re dealt. Get the gift and go on. I wish you a great gift.
posted October 8, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I am truly sorry for your loss. And I understand that people use religion as a coping mechanism — which is completely understandable. While it is certain that we can learn lessons from every situation in our lives, even tragedy, it is a stretch to say that the tragedy itself is a gift from God. It is quite possible to learn from that experience and value the strength and intellegence aquired from perservering without attributing it as an act perpetrated upon us for an intentional outcome.
Additionally, to call the bad that happens to us a gift as will as the good that happens to us a gift would make ALL things a gift — which would nullify the whole point of something being a gift. Life is a precious opportunity for sure, brought about by none of our own doing, so I guess you could say its ALL good. But it really is only what you make of it.
posted October 8, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Joe,
I understand your line of thinking. Yet, I must respectfully disagree. The greatest gifts come when you get their message and change your behavior or your understanding of the way life happens.
At age 18 I was ready to end it all. Where that thought that stopped me came from I do not know. Call it the Grace of God. Whatever. I am still here to tell the tale.
For me the day I accepted the fact my sight was gone, never to return, is the day, about the age of 21, I felt I truly entered adulthood. I even told my Mom about my understanding. She then told me this is what she had been praying for, that I would finally accept what happened and get on with my life. I can not describe the sense of relief I felt, that some great wall had fallen and my path forward was now open. I let go of the past, accepted the truth of the present and was freed to move into the future. It was truly a transformative experience.
If you are as bull headed as I am, sometimes to get my attention life has to really smack me up along side my head with what I have come to describe as “Cosmic 2 x 4′s” and say “Listen up here boy, I’m trying to teach you something here!” I believe life is all about learning lessons from a vast cosmic curriculum, that God is our teacher, the universe is our University, our lifetime(s) is (are) our class room and we are the students. Sometimes our teacher has to use drastic steps to get our attention, to imprint on our minds and in our hearts the wisdom being offered.
So to me, Joe, it’s the tragedies that are the greatest, most enduring lessons, the greatest gifts of all.
Rich W.
posted October 9, 2008 at 11:41 am
Tragedies do provide enduring lessons. I commend you for your fortitude and perseverence. You sound like a seeker of truth. Don’t stop. Best wishes.
posted October 9, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Only in that “seeker of truth” means don’t continue to allow yourself (now that you are in a better more rational place) to be held captive by an irrational belief system. YOU and your being alive is of great value in and of itself — whether or not a ‘god’ deemed it or meant for your loss of sight to be a “lesson”.