A guest post by Rev. Susan K. Smith
I heard a statistic on Monday that sobered me.
I was listening to NPR (National Public Radio). It was AIDS Awareness Day, and the reporter said that in Washington, D.C., over 90 percent of all newly-reported AIDS cases are African American women.
Whoa.
They did some interviews with young women, many to most of whom were not willing to have protected sex. “If you tell a guy you want him to use a condom, he won’t have sex with you,” one young woman said. “He’ll just go find someone else.”
So, because you don’t want him to “go find someone else,” you put your own life and health in jeopardy?
“Sex doesn’t feel as good if you have to use a condom,” another young woman said.
So, again, you risk your life and health for a moment’s pleasure?
And, since we’re talking, doesn’t it depend on the condom used? Isn’t it worth the time for you, as a woman, to do some research and find out which condom you like best?
Oh, some will say, how can you talk about the “s” word in church?
And I say, where else but in church?
God gave us sex. God gave us sex to have a good time and to procreate. He did not give us sex to be reckless. Why doesn’t anybody get that?
And why are African American churches so afraid to talk about sex, especially in this day and age when way too many heterosexual women are becoming infected and dying? Let’s not be phony here. People in the black church do have sex, and have it frequently.
That being the case and all, why can’t pastors do the teaching we need to do in order to save lives?
What would be the harm in having a workshop where you talk about the best condoms to use? We have workshops on everything else…from women’s issues to finances. Isn’t sex as much a part of life as those issues?
We as the Black Church have got to stop practicing denial – i.e., that one who believes in The Christ does not do sex, and should not do sex.
Cut me a break.
A guest post by Rev. Susan K. Smith
posted December 2, 2008 at 5:19 pm
In Washington DC over 90% of all new cases of HIV were in Black women. That’s shocking. If Ministers of their Churches don’t want to take on this job, than they should ask for Registered Nurses in their congregations to set up classes for some frank and realistic discussions. There isn’t one night of sex that is worth developing AIDs from. If a man is so selfish he won’t protect you, take off running! If the condom thing is a no, no because it will protect you from being pregnant and someone advises your soul is in danger if you do use them; perhaps you should rethink your religion.
posted December 2, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Yes, let’s save those lives. Do it by empowering women to REFUSE sex instead of accommodating it “safely.” This post accuses the “African American Church” of being in denial. Is it really? Or is it, in fact, enabling male irresponsibility tacitly by the deadly assumption “people are going to do it no matter what”? Well, they sure will when the leaders in their community EXPECT them to.
“God gave us sex…” I agree. He expects it to be used properly.
What about teaching these young women and men to respect themselves so much that they make a decision, early on, not to engage in relations outside of marriage? They are not animals–they are human beings. Even if they don’t lead lives of ideal restraint, they should be presented with a vision of sex as part of MARRIAGE.
I’m sorry, I don’t see this particular blog post as blowing the windows wide open on anything. A truly radical view would oppose the popular culture by preaching chastity and yes, gasp, even presenting the option of CELIBACY to people. When any minister buys into the current worldview, instead of calling people to something better, people are not served well. In fact, you throw young women and men to the wolves, under the bus (pick your metaphor of abandonment and abdication) by NOT giving them a coherent philosophy of restraint and an environment that supports restraint. The phrase “African-American Church” was part of the title of this post. What does the “Church” part mean?
This is not to advocate forms of excommunication/shunning/exclusion for those of us who fall short. But frankly, (and I don’t know what denomination this writer is), how do you justify your rupture with 2000 years of Christian teaching about sex being reserved for marriage?
Imagine if people did follow those teachings. AIDS would be much reduced, perhaps non-existent.
posted December 2, 2008 at 5:53 pm
I’m wondering if this statistic (and I always question stats made public) may not be more reflective of the demography of DC than any other reason.
posted December 2, 2008 at 8:25 pm
People are in denial and the very ones who think that unmarried women who have unprotected sex can just [stop] are not putting themselves in their place (habits are hard to break). In the churches today everything is sugar-coated as long as the lights are on. I have been trying to make young women understand that when a man is allowed to [use] their bodies, it boils down to no more than a release. If a man loves a woman he will ask her to be his wife not his temporary toilet. Sex doesn’t merge into love. Unprotected sex can (not only) cause aids and other std’s, but also unwanted babies.
posted December 2, 2008 at 11:57 pm
No, what churches should be teaching people is to wait until marriage to have sex. If people would just do things God’s way, then they wouldn’t experience the consequences that they are facing. Now I’m not acting like I’m perfect or have had the best upbrining but the truth of the matter is that if a church is a “God-fearing” church then the use of condoms shouldn’t be preached but rather obedience to God’s word. Do things God’s way, then you’re life will be blessed. Live your life you own way, and suffer the consequences. It’s that simple! Hey David in the Bible was no different. Yeah, he was God’s chosen servant but when he slept with another man’s wife and then had the guy murdered, the consequences were no different for him either and he was a man of God.
posted December 3, 2008 at 12:08 am
Let me break it down to you. Sex is a wonderful thing created by God only to be enjoyed in the right context, within marriage. Now, I am not trying to judged anyone since I am the product of an two unmarried people who had sex but God’s word holds true no matter what. If you choose to do things outside of his will, then you will face the consequences. This holds true no matter what your beliefs are. David in the Bible was a man of God who suffered great consequences for sleeping with another man’s wife then having the poor guy murdered. God is no respector of persons. Now especially for those who claim to be “Christians”, or even a “God-fearing” church, if we look just like the world, what hope can we bring to a world who doesn’t know Christ. Shame on us and our hypocrisy. If you are having sex outside of marriage and you call yourself a Christian, you need to repent, ask God to change your heart then obey his Word. Remember the woman at the well. He didn’t expose her sin and say Have a Nice day. He said Go and sin no more. What was Jesus really saying when he told her that? If we are true followers of Christ, Let’s stop acting like we are powerless over sin and take sin by the horns and say, “No more”. The choice is yours and so are the consequences.
posted December 3, 2008 at 1:48 pm
The number one cause of death for young African American women in the US is HIV/AIDS.
Look at the CDC site, look into Magic Johnson’s Foundation, the statistics are out there and they are astounding.
Some of the people you judge may even be married but their spouse had an affair and brought HIV home with them.
Instead of pointing fingers, reach out a helping hand, that is what it means to be a Christian.
posted December 3, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Just because a person attends church, doesn’t mean that those who believe in a god and all that that is supposed to involve, don’t have unprotected sex. The church my children were raised in had a very specific sex ed class. Everything was discussed…and condoms (and how they are used) as well as other forms of birth control. BTW, it isn’t a predominately black denomination. Can’t see why the Black churches don’t do the same things…especially if the numbers mentioned above are accurate.