Quitting Church: A Q&A with Julia Duin

Ah; my dear Patton, very nicely written—as always. This is defiantly a book I'll look into.

Now, I'll put in my two cents in my own reasons why the Flock is wandering off. One word: Hypocrisy. The word falls off the tongue like bile. The word shatters the spirit like a war ax—leaving the soul broken. It was Christians who cast me out of church because I was homeless, and needed a place to sleep; and nowhere to go. It was a Southern Baptist paster who said I couldn't join his church since I was living in a hotel—the only “home” I had for quite awhile. Wasn't this Nazarene rabbi whom we call “Lord” that said, “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matt 24:40, KJV)

I can't stand when pastors preach, “Give the full tithes to the church, plus more! So God will give it back doubled!” And they use that money for their own personal luxuries and not for the Kingdom. I can't bear to see these “men and women of God” who could care less about the poor, the down trodden; just only how the church can entertain them. Only about their own vanity. Ministers like the Tom Haggard, who preach the sinfulness of homosexuality; yet do it anyway.

"I may be the only veteran of Geonosis who doesn't have nightmares of that place. Because in my dreams, I always do it right. My nightmare is what I find when I wake up. Jedi have shatterpoints, too." Jedi Master Mace Windu, “Shatterpoint”

The "Church" is the body of Christ. In our culture, this concept has been lost to the idea that the Church is a place one goes to. "Going to Church" is not the same as "being the Church." When people ask me "where do you go to church?" I feel like saying, "I don't GO to church; I AM the Church!"

I too no longer attend church. It's true that I'm single and a woman, but that in itself had no impact on my decision; I was people's wArden, served on the vestry, and performed other tasks like typing programs and helping prepare for holy days. But I saw, when our leadership changed, that our church at least was not the Body of the Faithful but rather the Job of the Minister. Long-time members of the vestry (not me) were removed to make way for newcomers. Elderly parishoners, now homebound, went unvisited because the new minister hadn't known them personally and they no longer tithed. I left the church because if I had stayed I would have lost my faith. I am happy meeting periofically with a friend or two to praise God, which is, I believe, what Christ instructed us to do.

After watching Ms. Duin I an lead to think they are leaving the Church because of the thinking that this woman believes and yet are not true. My landlord is Jewish. He hires a Palestinian to do his maintenance for his buildings and w/Obamas new faith based initiative requiring Roman Catholics hireling sex offenders or believers in choice or not tax dollars we will finally find out just how much that dollar amount to. Separation of church and state is not a reality in our country and needs to be. Faith based organizations need to pick up on their own message that has been skewed beyond the skew place on our constitution and the last administrations bed fellows being the rich who are the controllers of these religions organization.

I am quite spiritual but I do not need to attach that to an organization that finds old women and getting them to donate their wealth to that organization including their homes and inheritance where no tax is paid yet they get tax dollars? Kind of a void to the economy don't ya think?

You are WAY OFF BASE. You obviously don't live in the real world if you think it's ok for a pastor to be alone with a female that he is not married to. Or for that matter, NO male leader in our church is to ever be alone with a female. It is NOT proper and leads to all kinds of accusations. I know people in ministry that have lost their ministries over false accusations from some stupid female that had something against them. My question is...WHY would you deem it necessary to be alone with the pastor in order to share your ideas. Is there a problem if his wife or secretary is in the meeting as well? Sounds to me as if YOU are the one with the problem and it is individuals exactly like you that cause accusations against people in the ministry and cause many to lose not only a job, but an entire life of ministry.
BTW, I'm one of those pastors that works way more than 40 hours a week and have to give most of my time to things that don't pertain to the church, so I have very little left over to give to the church. Believe me, I lead a REAL life...it doesn't get any more real than this. And I have NO PROBLEM with women teaching or leading in church. Just please don't lump all pastors together and assume that all of us live in an ivory tower. You have NO IDEA what it's like to be mid-life, planting a church, AND working 4 other jobs just to make ends meet. You're just making excuses...if you don't want to go to church, then don't. But don't blame the church. You can find a church that will embrace you and allow you to be a part of what's happening there. And if you don't want to put forth the effort to find that church, then shut up and quit whining.

I have only recently stopped going to Church. I was very active in Church but committed a very public sin and was told that I could no longer teach at Church. So I am new to television evangelists and I have found I absolutely love to listen to Joel Olsteen preach. My personal opinion is that Christians have forgotten and need to read Romans 7. Even Paul struggled with sin -- the only person that was ever sinless was Jesus Christ. Churches need to remember that and remember that God forgives us of our sins Luke 24:47, Acts 10:43, and 1John 2:12. If they will do this maybe they will win back some Christians that they have driven away.

Steve - You mentioned that you are a pastor and know people in ministry that have lost their ministries over false accusations from some stupid female that had something against them. Your policy is no male leader in our church is to ever be alone with a female. But there is another concern you failed to mention. And that concern is having a pastor meet (alone) with an elderly woman in the church who may be ill, lonely, etc. It is quite possible that such a woman is vulnerable and the pastor's concern may be misinterpreted for "sweet talk" This could lead her to give a generous donation to the church. So the pastor's reputation is called into question - did he just "play" her for her money?

Temptation is the prover and destroyer of faith.

I see no reason why a pastor, priest, elder, et cetera, should not meet with a person of the opposite sex in private. If either has a problem, both have the opportunity as responsible adults to end the meeting. If a problem exists systemically within the community, if by practices and behaviours within the church the allure of sexual sin is so high, it may say more about problems in the church and its practices than about two people of the opposite (or the same) sex meeting in private to talk.

This gets back to one of my particular pet peeve observations about evangelical Christianity: Sexual sins, (along with an undue worship of prosperity), seem to always be in vogue. Why do you think that is? It was true when I was a born again Christian in my teens to early 20's in the 1970's, and it seems to be just as true today. Perhaps, just perhaps it has something to do with the how sexual sin is always singled out and preached against. I hear, "Me thinks thou dost protest too much." Is it that beneath all the righteous rhetoric there is a repressed drive that is made spicier through its strenuous repression? Push to hard to repress the sexual drive, (without allowing the release in some other form, and you may turn a zephyr into a tempest.) For too long sex has been so forbidden within some churches, that even between spouses it has somehow seemed sullied. From a human anatomy and psychology perspective, sexual urges require release. The question then is how does an evangelical church deal with this? For many evangelicals masturbation is a problem, (even as they guiltily do it.) It seems to me that forbidding an outlet which causes no harm only strengthens temptation, while making the act itself much more desirable. In short, repression is the way to turn a natural urge into deliciously forbidden fruit. There are better ways, and perhaps not singling out sexual sin for special treatment will actually help matters. I doubt, however, that it will happen. The cycle of repression, indulgence, and guilt repeats itself and is a perennial issue in these churches.

i BELIEVE THAT TODAYS BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH CHURCHS IS "HIPOCRISY" YOU HAVE ONE OR TWO GROUPS THAT DO ALL THE WORK AND IF YOU ARE NOT IN ONE OF THOSR GROUPS YOU ARE AN OUTCAST! THEY ONLY WANT THEIR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE THAT CAND O0 THE WORK THEY WANT DONE AROUND THE CHURCH,WHEN THE NON FRIENDS ARE DONE DOING THE WORK YOU`R OUT. I HAVE FOUND THIS TO BE TRUE IN THE METHODIST CHURCHS IN FAIRFIELD COUNTY CT. OH AND THEY PREACH! INCLUSION OF ALL! "BUT DON`T BE GAY,OR THEY SHUN YOU. PLEASE CHECK IT OUT, ALL YOU "HOLY ELDERS" AND EVEN YOU HOLY LAY LEADERS, AND EVEN SOME OF OUR ORDAINED PASTORS! ARE DOING THIS AND THAT IS WHY ,YOUR NUMBERS ARE FALLING. NUMBERS IN PEW COUNT AND NUIMBERS IN THE COLLECTION PLATE. "WAKE UP GAY, LESBIEN,CHURCH GOERS ALL THEY IS OUR MONEY. IF THIS NOT TRUE PROVR IT TO ME. ERICK

I thought I was pessimistic and cynical, but i think you've out done me:) I hear everything you are saying and understand your frustrations. I am 29 only married a year and have attended many different churches. My husband and I just moved to this small town and I am currently being shunned from the home-schooling moms at my church, but I don't care. I think I will find friends somewhere else. I have tried to extend myself to them many times. I think we are just too different, and they are not at a place in their spiritual walk that they can see things much differently from their view of God, etc.
I have lived in other countries and yes, the matchmaking thing would be nice, especially by someone you can trust.
I currently am writing a book called, Church Shopping, Guide to Finding the Right Church and Being Happy There.
There ARE NO perfect churches. And yes, some people have more difficult roles in church than others, but the only way we can improve churches is to voice our opinions (which I also need to work on), not just online, but in person, and we may get shot down, but at least we tried. Try not to get so discouraged. Sometimes taking a break from church is nice, or hanging out with your 'sinner' friends, I have lots of friends that are agnostic. I usually get along with them better. Maybe someday I'll have more Christian friends. I value my christ-centered friendships a lot. Anyway, I plan to write this book, so look for it. Some parts of the book will be biased, and some unbiased. I will probably ruffle some feathers, but that's what is needed.

I agree whole-heartedly with the final comment posted. I am single and I also serve as a pastor of a small church. I have felt the pain of being shunned as a single person in church. I have also ministered to singles who have felt overlooked by the church. In my years of 'singleness' and pastoral ministry I have found one answer to the problems we face, Jesus Christ.

As a church, we must renew ourselves by focusing on Jesus as the absolute answer. Jesus is relevant to singles (I speak from a lifetime of personal experience). Jesus is relevant to families, to the homeless, to our nation, etc.

I grieve when I hear the horror stories of spiritual abuse from church leaders. As leaders, we must care for the flock through each and every stage of life. We must not show partiality to anyone based on race, age, status, income level, etc. Jesus will show us how to be relevant to our people if keep Him at the center of worship, fellowship, preaching, and ministry. May the Lord bless all of us as we pursue Him with all of our hearts.