Their Bad Mother

Their Bad Mother

Friday November 6, 2009

Categories: Being Bad

Let's Talk About Sex

One of my favorite people just wrote a book. And it's an awesome book. It's especially awesome because it's about a subject that few of us - and I wave my hand unashamedly here - are willing to talk about publicly: sex. Sex after motherhood, specifically. I can be as ribald as the next thirty-something-mom-with-thirteen-year-old-sense-of-humor, but that's behind closed doors. Type out the word 'orgasm' for all the world to see? Whatever would my mother say?

(Actually, I know what she'd say. Or not say. She'd just laugh and send it to all of her friends. My mother is not as reserved as I am. If there's ever a 'Grandmanatrix' column, she's the one to write it.)

So I'm glad - grateful - that Kristen (aka The Mominatrix) has devoted herself to ensuring that we do talk about this stuff. And that we laugh about it, and cheer about it, and celebrate it, rather than just titter behind closed doors.

Because what's sexier than being a mom?

mominatrix.jpgNothing, that's what. Megan Fox, whatever. Moms - bringers-forth-of-life, wielders-of-lotion, mistresses-of-discipline, women-who-run-with-the-breast-pumps - are where it's at when it comes to what's really sexy.

Just know that when we say we have a headache? After all the effort that goes in to bringing forth life, caring for that life, cleaning up after that life, managing-that-life-with-all-the-whip-crack-discipline-of-a-Mominatrix? We actually probably really do.

(The Mominatrix's Guide To Sex will be available in January, but you can pre-order at Amazon now. In the meantime, enjoy her column, and check out her posse of Mominatrixes - Mominatrices? - including yours truly - at Flickr.)




Wednesday November 4, 2009

Categories: Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday: The View From Heaven

chicago-sunset.jpg
... if, that is, the angels have a thing for Chicago deep-dish pizza, kettle-corn, and the Red Sox. Which they totally should.

(Aerial view of Chicago, looking towards lake. Shot with my iPhone, using ToyCamera application, from a late-afternoon Air Canada flight from Chicago to Toronto. iPhones are awesome.)

Tuesday November 3, 2009

Categories: Blogging, Give Good Blog

The Power Of Ordinary People. With Laptops.

A few years ago, I had the amazing opportunity to chat with Gloria Steinem. Yes, that Gloria Steinem. We - she and I and some other bloggers - talked about the Internet and blogging and whether social media could change the world. It was a pivotal moment for me, because although I had been writing about feminism and social justice and the like from time to time - and although I had, once upon a time, actually written a thesis on the power of new media to effect change - I'd never given the question of whether what I was doing - little ol' me, blogging - could make a difference. She convinced me. And so I have, since then, devoted a considerable chunk of my blogging energies to social purpose.

I'm in Chicago this morning, speaking on this very subject. I'll be focusing my discussion, in part, on this ongoing project, but this is only one in a series of efforts that began with that chat with Gloria and the inspiration that spiraled out from there, so I thought that I might revisit - and continue to revisit, here - that journey. You know, to keep that inspiration going.

Here's where it started...



I'm not easy to impress.

That sounds pissy and arrogant, I know. But it's true. Celebrities don't impress me (which is not to say that I wouldn't shriek a little bit if I brushed sleeves with Josh Holloway, but that would be more because of his lickability than his impressive acting ability). I've encountered enough of them to know that they are usually shorter and uglier and far less pleasant in person than they appear onscreen. And in any case, the ability to stand in front of a camera and look surprised/scared/vague has never struck me as particularly impressive.

Sure, there are many talented and accomplished actors out there, as there are talented and accomplished musicians and athletes and comedians (um, Jon Stewart? Dave Chapelle?) and astrophysicists. Indeed, there are talented men and women in every field imaginable. But they are, still, just ordinary men and women and I'd need a bit more information about them before I could count myself well and truly impressed. Are they thoughtful? Intelligent? Passionate? Do they care about things other than themselves? Do they try to make a meaningful, considered difference in the world? (And no, driving a Prius doesn't count here.) Are they good people, in the most nuanced and comprehensive sense of that word?

(I should note that I make special exceptions for people who make extraordinary contributions to their field or to world history. Picasso was an ass, Hemingway killed things and Mother Teresa tended to excessive dogmatism - but to say that these individuals were merely impressive would be gross understatement.)

My sense is that the stock of impressiveness of most of the more famous people in the world wouldn't hold up under such interrogation. But (and I assure you that this is not shameless ass-kissing) many of you ­- my virtual peers and friends - would. Which is one of the reasons why I've become so committed to our little corner of the blogosphere: it's a space full of intelligent, literate people who love their children deeply and who are passionately committed to doing the best possible job raising those children and to doing what they can to make the world a better place for those children.

It's revolutionary, as some have already said. And it's impressive. You are impressive. Really impressive.

And you know what? Gloria Steinem thinks so, too.

She said so. On the telephone.

As part of an effort to promote a new media project (Greenstone Media: radio for women by women) that she is involved with, I was invited to participate in a conference call with Ms. Steinem and a handful of other bloggers. She said a number of amazing, insightful, and inspirational things (as one would expect from one of the founders of the contemporary feminist movement) - some of which I'll try to address in posts over the coming week or two - and she totally knocked my socks off and made me want to be a better feminist.
And by far the coolest thing that she said was this: that she saw the women (and many of the men) of the blogosphere as being at the forefront of a new kind of revolutionary movement. A movement wherein we really talk to one another, and listen to one another. A movement wherein the highest premium is placed on telling the truth, and deriving inspiration and power from the truth. A movement that we further with every post that we write, with every supportive comment that we leave, with every empowering conversation that we spark and fuel and fan to a blaze. Our movement.

But she also said this: never forget that such a movement, based as it is on dialogue and debate, can only ever be a support for action. It cannot replace action. Don't cocoon in your blogosphere, she said. Don't mistake speaking or writing for acting. Don't just talk: do.

So with that in mind, I have an assignment for you: write a post about a cause that you are passionate about. Provide links and information and guidance for people to actually follow up on your post and take some sort of action: where can they make a donation? Sign a petition? Volunteer? How can they help promote your cause? Use this post as a catalyst for action - make it your mission to show, in whatever small way, how the blogosphere can support real action in support of real causes. It doesn't have to be big - you don't have a start a fundraising drive from your blog (although that would be cool), you just need to make a stab at showing how writing/speaking/blogging can support action. If you have already promoted a cause through your blog, or do so on an ongoing basis (as I know may of you do), simply provide me with some relevant links and a description of what you've been up to in the comments. Ditto if you know of someone else with a cause: do a post or post a comment with links and info. Then, as always, I'll compile the posts, etc. etc. and we shall be a beacon of light, a chorus of voices - cue choir - and we will have Done Something and will be Doing Something in addition to All This Talk. And we'll be even more impressive.

And Gloria will be proud.

The result of this rah-rah Just DO Something rally? This wonderful avalanche of posts. Tomorrow, I'll talk about how the Steinem-inspired Call To Action led to more wonderful projects, and how this all coalesced into 'Giving Good Blog.'

PS: that 'Just Do/Write Something' blogging assignment was a few years ago, but if you're inspired by it, feel free to take it on. If you do, send me the link - I'd love to read it, and add you to my list of bloggers who 'give good blog.'



Sunday November 1, 2009

Categories: Emilia

Fairy Costumes Are For Chumps

budgeoween7.jpg
budgeoween5.jpg
budgeoween6.jpg
She looks like what might happen if the Tin Man and the Scarecrow mated and produced a doll-decapitating serial killer, but appearances can be deceiving: she is a Jumbo Rainbow Craft Robot, and the decapitated baby head is Baby Sally, who is - fear not - very much alive and well and fulfilling her role as Emilia's shoulder companion ('so I won't get scared trick-or-treating.' This is a girl who approaches fear in novel and exciting ways.)

Next Halloween I might think twice before I say, you can go as whatever you want, sweetie, but then again, maybe not. The looks on the faces of the candy-dispensing ladies at the seniors' home were kind of worth it. Maybe a lot worth it.

Maybe next year I'll make sure there're extra baby heads on hand.



Thursday October 29, 2009

Categories: Emilia

America's Most Wanted: Alien-Murdering Space Ranger Edition

all hallows budge.jpg
Spotted in Area 51: small Buzz Lightyear clone sporting decapitated alien remains on head. Approach with extreme caution.


Wednesday October 28, 2009

Categories: Emilia, Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday: Everything That's Awesome About Childhood, In One Picture

Tuesday October 27, 2009

Categories: Current Events, Jasper

Worried. Sick.

Jasper is, as I've mentioned, sick: respiratory difficulties of some sort or another that haven't yet been fully determined. What we do know, or think that we know: it's not swine flu. Which is a relief. Of sorts.We can't really...

Monday October 26, 2009

Categories: Jasper, Life With Baby

Sleep Is For The Weak

We had planned to make the big move - the move to the Big Boy Bed - last week, in the hopes that with the dawning of a new era of expansive bedspace for Jasper there would also dawn a...

Wednesday October 21, 2009

The Science Of Cute

How is it that small children are even more adorable when they're upside down? Does cuteness bend gravity in such a way that the very physics of sweetness are amplified when the object of sweetness is suspended in mid-air? Science...

Tuesday October 20, 2009

To Sleep, Perchance To Get Kicked In The Head

We're just not sleeping around here. Like, never.Jasper goes to bed sometime between 7:30 and 8pm; Emilia, shortly thereafter. Depending upon work schedules, the extent of laundry build-up and what's on television any given night, my husband and I get...

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About Their Bad Mother


Catherine Connors is a mother, writer and recovering academic who traded the lecture hall for the playroom and discovered that university students and preschoolers have much the same attention span. In addition to Bad Mother blogging at Beliefnet, she is, among other things, the author of HerBadMother.com, the moderator of Her Bad Mother’s Basement, the co-founder and co-editor of WeCovet, a contributing writer/editor at MamaPop and BlogHer, and most recently (deep breath) founder of and contributor to Canada Moms Blog. And in her spare time… oh, wait. She doesn’t have spare time. But she’s okay with that.


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