I never realized what courage it takes to be a writer until I started blogging and connecting with other bloggers/writers like you. Your posts on Motherlode were important and good, and I’m glad you wrote them. You are very brave!

I’m speechless. Some of those comments are almost unbelievable.
Thank you for being a bearer of light and hope.

Our Christina (she belongs to my brother, but I say “our” because she is so important to all of our extended family) graduated high school this year. She is 19 or 20, I can’t remember. She was chosen to give a speech which by the end of the day had made it around the world, via facebook. I can’t speak for her parents, who are faced with personal questions, like what do we do now, but they have taken it in stride since the day she was born and the doctor came into their hospital room with “news.” Christina brings such joy and love and laughter to our lives. At Thanksgiving she stands up in the middle of dinner and gives a toast, or two, and we hold our collective breaths waiting to see what she is going to say. She prays for the deceased Don Knotts and Aunt June. She writes herself into sitcoms. She’s a little sneaky. She has an amazing memory. She fights with her sisters. She said recently she was going to get two tattoos, one saying, “I love Taylor Hicks,” and the other saying, “I don’t trust my sisters.” We love her so much and would do anything for her, and for her parents. To people who see themselves as productive members of a perfect world that only has room for other productive people – I would rather be around Christina than any of them. This is real life.

I loved your Motherlode piece. Thank you for sharing it. And oh, do I know how much it hurts to have people judge you and your child for not fitting their own definition of perfect. My son’s autism and my handling of it have brought hurtful comments on and off line.
The best solution I’ve found so far is to recognize that people are acting out of their own hurt and anger and resentment and to pray for them. Some days (and there have been a lot of days like this recently), I can’t get past my own hurt and just don’t want to write at all. It gets tiresome to hear all of those critical voices inside my head, stinging with every word. But some days, I’m able to let it go and give it to God and keep writing, because my story and my family’s story is my way of sharing God in my life — just as I see your story and Penny’s story as sharing God’s love too.
Thank you. Every day.

“Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.”

thank you for your post…i’ve shared your tears over many of these comments.
none of us ever know whether or when our children (or our parents, or ourselves) will be a “burden to society.” it doesn’t take a genetic difference to become that. it takes one car accident, one bout of depression, one serious illness, one lost job.
i would rather live in a society that prides itself on caring for our most vulnerable members rather than arguing about which of them merit existence.

The folks who are making these negative, downer comments are thinking purely with human “logic”. How truly sad for them. Love is not a logical thing, and in love God knows what He is all about. As I was thanking God this morning that our wonderful triplet daughters are in wonderful places in their new colleges this freshman year, I am also mindful of a couple my wife and I met some years back.
We belong to a group called the Triplet Connection for obvious reasons. Some years ago we were at a picnic of our local New Orleans chapter with other triplet families. This one couple had a set of triplets-6 months old-who were all very developmentally disabled. I recalled this to my wife as we were driving back from the Northeast after dropping our daughters off at college. I was relating just how blessed we were. Those disabled triplets will never know that joy, and by the world’s thinking, will never “make a return on the investment”. At that moment, however, I realized that those three will make a tremendous impact on the lives of others, as they had already made an impact on the lives of my wife and me even after just a few short hours.
Too often our world measures “impact” only in terms of “return”. When we see the world through God’s eyes, we see it as Jesus did- always seeing what is truly there. As a special education teacher, I have been impacted more by the lives of students who couldn’t string a sentence together more so than any valedictorian. (Nothing against valedictorian’s mind you!) We all have a place. God knows what He is about.

So many strong and loving responses to this post. I can only add this favorite quote of mine:
“The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Bless you Amy Julia -

What I love–and about which I commented on your second post–has been your ability to maintain your kindness through it all. As an adoptive parent, we battle something similar, but it’s usually from well-meaning folks, who simply don’t carry the language.
(E.G. “Do you have children of your own?” ; “Who’s the REAL father?” ; “Are they siblings?”)
Snappy answers to those questions have, occasionally, blurted from my mouth, unfortunately.
There’s such a strong temptation to carry offense at others’ ignorance–as well as their outright hostility (though we’ve only experience a very small amount of that, ourselves–unlike you). And then I remember how Christ carried his own very real “offense” …
… and I’m humbled.

Here’s the thing I’ve begun to realize….
The internet is a good and a bad thing. On the one hand – I’ve been able to reconnect with so many people, to use it as a tool for education and enrichment, a fantastic resource for me for my own l…ife – perfect for a person like me trying to juggle everything life throws at me. However, it’s so damn easy for people who are so unhappy with their own life and their own choices to sit behind their computer in their own little words and throw words around recklessly. I don’t believe for the majority of the ones who post on sites like her’s who say that their lives have been negatively impacted by a family member with a disability ACTUALLY HAVE a family member with a disability. Not for a second. Stand them in front of me and tell them to say what they typed…not gonna happen.
Here’s the other factor. There are those who made the decision not to continue their pregnancy once they’ve received their prenatal diagnosis…once they think that their child might have DS. For whatever the reason…9 out of 10 still decide their child might wreck their marriage, be a blob on their couch forever, break them financially, be a burden. These people have to live with that decision the rest of their life…how could they ever admit to themselves or others that they might have been wrong. How could they? How could they ever live with themselves if they did? So they will go on blogs like this and sites like Babycenter.com and vehemently defend their decision and their action no matter what – because the alternate is simply unthinkable.
I tell everyone to try not to read the comments but if you can’t resist – then keep these factors in mind….and then go give your beautiful child a big hug.

Jennifer, I was seeing things through your eyes, those bitter people are very likely the wounded parents who have aborted a disabled child. With a 90% abortion rate, there are nearly 17 million broken hearted parents who will carry the burden of their choice to abort a baby with Down syndrome forever.
Amy Julia, you are taking the fallout in order to help other parents say ‘yes’to the extraordinary journey we are on, raising a holy little girl who has no barriers between herself and the pure love of God.
You are a valiant soul!

I am having a hard time deciding how to comment. The negative and ignorant comments you received truly break my heart. I have written paragraph after paragraph to try to explain my feelings and my thoughts, but nothing is coming out right. I’m saddened by the comments to the point of speechlessness. Thank you for being so graceful AJ and opening up a debate to hopefully change opinions, even if it is just one person.
*And for the record, Penny IS a joy.

Thanks again to all of you who have supported me–publicly through commenting on the Motherlode piece, and privately through emails and calls. Two more things. One, when Penny was younger this was much harder. And I certainly snapped at people on occasion. Two, I really am just so sad that people don’t understand what a gift our daughter is, and not just our daughter, but the countless other individuals with Down syndrome and other disabilities out there.

I do hope that you keep writing about this. Yes, the internet brings out the “cranky people.” But it also brings tens of thousands of eyes to your words and thoughts, and you have opened a lot of those eyes this week. Thanks for being willing to put yourself out there.
Lisa

Thank you for writing about how this makes you feel. You are tough and so is Penny! I think she will be so proud of you one day when she sees the things you have written about her and how much you love her. Keep up the good work, even when the comments hurt.

Don’t give up, Amy Julia. I’ve been on the receiving end myself of some insensitive and almost mean blog comments myself when I have spoken up against assisted suicide. (My brother, Tim, took his own life a few years ago.) What you’re doing and writing is so necessary. The dignity of each human person must be upheld, born and unborn, until natural death. Praying for you!

Ignorance isn’t always bliss- sometimes it’s something that we need to rail against and I appreciate your efforts, in such a gentle way, to reach more people to enrich their lives. Sometimes I feel like my child and yours are like small ambassadors to a less judgmental and tolerant world.

Hi Amy Julia,
Thank you many times over for opening up about your experiences with Penny. I have a brother, named Peter, who has Downs Syndrome. His case is “severe,” in that he has had many health problems and has developed very very slowly. But in our family we consider ourselves *severely* lucky to know him, and his joy in life is more *severe* than any setbacks it can throw at him. He’s the toughest person I know and incredibly wise, in spite of his limitations. And sure, he’s a pain-in-the-butt lots of times, too. He’s a great guy, but he’s also just a guy, like anyone else. Congratulations on your family, and thanks again for sharing with us about Penny’s lovely personality. Long may she prosper!
~Catherine

Thank you Amy Julia – so many of us have been shaped by your words and experiences. We believe in you and your ministry! Keeping you in our prayers as you stand up for this just cause. How shocking! We stand behind you!

Thank you Amy for your bravery, for writing with such love and care and honesty about the joy our kids bring to our lives. I cannot imagine a world with out my David. He has accomplished far more in his 5 years on this earth than some 46 chromosomed people could ever hope to in a lifetime. Penny has too. I truly pity those people who left those comments. I pity them because their comments come from a place of fear and ignorance, and I for one am so grateful that I don’t live in that place of fear. Life is hard, life is short, we should embrace all of life’s joys where we can take them. I am all for people having choice, but part of the beauty of choice is that it can also empower us, teach us, and enlighten us. I choose David over and over and over again. I suspect that at least one of those posters will be more of a “burden” on society than David ever will, but then again, I tend not to think of people as “burdens”. We have paid for his medical expenses, we have paid for his education. I know an awful lot of typical people who receive far more government benefits, hand outs, etc than David has, perhaps ever will. It boils down to ignorance, and I am willing to bet if any of those posters was given the gift of a child with T21, they’d enlighten up pretty quick. Difference is part of the beauty of the tapestry of life. David and Penny will go far, the biggest obstacles that stand in their way have nothing to do with their abilities and everything to do with silly people who think life is better homogenized. Keep fighting the good fight!

I wonder how we ended up in this place, where people evaluate and rate human lives based upon their economic impact on society. In the world today, you are a voice in the wilderness. Our lives have eternal meaning. In you and your daughter, Penny, we have the opportunity to see that eternal meaning. Thank you, Amy Julia and Penny.

I too get the Google alerts for DS and have just started following your blogs. My baby is 5 and has changed our lives and made us better people in her 5 short years. We never knew she would teach us so much more than we could ever teach her. I too am shocked by the comments of society as we are surrounded by loving caring people… the people who have been so touched by the beauty of my child. I wish I could write as eloquently as you do, because almost every day, at some point, I look at her and am sickened by the statistics of 90% of babies diagnosed mid pregnancy are aborted. In another woman’s body, my baby probably wouldn’t be here and wouldn’t bring the joy and caring into the world that she does now. I feel extremely sad for the parents who are so frightened and in search of perfection that they choose not to experience these joys. I know for a fact that God chose the perfect baby for us and our path in life is to educate those who hold such narrow views in their small little worlds.

As usual, I really appreciate your post. I just wanted to say that I love that picture. Mother daughter pictures are always great, I think, but maybe that’s because I have 3 daughters of my own! There is so much said in that little arm on your shoulder and the look passing between the two of you. Wonderful.

Thank you Julia for continuing to share Penny…to share your hope as well as your frustrations and despair. I feel it as well when I think of my children and of my Isaac. I also think of their future and I want to protect them from the ignorance and cruelty as well.
Please know that you have support and understanding. We will get through this together with God as our protector!
Daviette

Beautiful simple words of the truth of life,each life and the journey we each encounter is a “narrative of love and hope and embracing the fragility, complexity, and beauty that every human life has to offer.” thanks for sharing.

God has a purpose for each person who is born. I was born with epilepsy and blindness but I still had a good life. My first wife died after 33 years of marriage, including one daughter. Now I live in a new place with a second wife whom I met on the Internet. It is no one’s business what you choose, even though they would like it to be. Don’t let the comments get to you. I have known several Down’s Syndrome people as adults, and I cherish them as friends. Unfortunately, the way society is going, parents probably won’t be able to make the choice you have–they will be told what to do with that ‘worthless’ child. Think about this: If you had had Down’s Syndrome or any other problem at your birth, would you want your parents to disallow you to be born? Everyone has value in God’s eyes, not just the ones that society accepts.

Opinions will never change Facts. Negative Stereotyping often goes ignored less than actual facts that led to your decision. I show gratitude you can think for yourself, and see little Penny as her own person. Each of us brings something personal to life. Inspiring Story’s of survival encourage Americans going through hardships of their own right now. Once negative people put it out there, it’s up to us to step over the heap, smile and keep going forward.

For a woman that made the “other” decision, and never had anymore children; there are tears (still) after 39 years. The only beuaty is that God gave me the career that I wanted and I was able to teach Primary school age children for over 27 years. I am seeking to go back to college (speech pathology), so I one day will be working with children again.

I have a child with downs and I was 28 at the time. I didn’t find out until I gave birth. They are special and much loving kids you would ever know. I commend the woman to still have the baby and know there is a possibility struggles ahead. May God bless her and her little one !!!

Have never met a child who wasn’t limited in some way or ways- who wasn’t wonderful and a pain in some/several ways – and who didn’t grow up to be an adult who could be a blessing or a trial – and some who seem to be blessings are a trial to the people they are closet to about something. We are all fallen. I have 3 daughters who, by the standards of many , are considered normal. But the one who graduated valedictorian, and is an excellent teacher w/ a great sense of humor can be self-righteous and snippy. Then the one who is a nun with graceful artist abilities can be fearful and nasty. The third, who knows no stranger and is patient with she meets, can be self-centered, and lazy. You get the point. We are not virtual people, praise be to God!

I would add to the emotions you expressed on reading some of these comments, fear. What if one of these people comes to a position of power. They apparently feel they can tell you that it was a mistake to bring your child into the world. That is scary! Kudos to you for your courage and honesty.

I believe that every child is a gift. And that motherhood is such an an amazing priveledge and opportunity. I am a mother of a wonderful nine year old girl with autism. I must admit that raising her was a real big challenge and financially draining as well, since we had to pay for all her therapies and medical consultation with the Developmental Pedia. Yet in all those trying years when i look back and see how we made it…i see the hand of the Lord each time. It was by His love and grace that we made it through. And as i ponder on what it did to me as a person, i realized that my daughter’s disability in the eyes of others became my strength…i became more patient and more understanding on the shortcomings of others. She made me a better person. It may have been difficult to live with my daughter , especially during her toddler years….but i could never imagine living this life without her.

I too have a baby with down syndrome but it’s not for us to provide a term in his/her life ..Remember S/he is God’s not ours..I was ready then to take care of my baby..ready to take the consequences the world may bring..ready to defend and protect her..But as i’ve said..its not for me to keep her forever ..She is God’s not mine..God gave her 6 months of existance as she also have a congenital heart disease, and a cleft palate..It was hard..it was so painful..its been a year but my heart is still crying in pain..I just told myself she was my angel shown to me by God..reminding me that angels do exists..and she is my angel and will be my angel forever..she died 3 days after my birthday… I love you MJ…

ok … some of the comments here really got to me…….. i am a 48 year old parent of a 12 year old girl that was born with a degenerative disorder of the brain. she is total care, like a baby. long hours, hard work and so on…….. she is my granddaughter that i loved so much AS JESUS LOVES US UNCONDITONALLY, i have raised her since birth, we even adopted her. all kids deserve a chance at life, no matter how hard or how long or short. she is like a 6 month old, yet so full of love. would i do it all over again? YOU BET I WOULD… NOT EVEN A SECOND THOUGHT. so to all u that dont think these kids deserve a chance to live,,,,,,, you are of the devil……..period!!! u can find us on face book just type in my name, tami wiseman. her pics are there……. i am not ashamed to put my name out there……. i love her like god meant for humans to love, unconditonally !!!

I have a daughter with Down Syndrome. She will be 25 this Oct 15th. When she was born in 1985, I was told to put her in a facility. I was told that she would have a shortened life span. She had numerous health problems ,but we made it with Gods help. But you know what God said different I kept my child. I would never put my child in a facility she is the joy of my life. My life is so much richer with her in it

Where do I begin!? I am the mother of two “normal” boys and am a retired teacher of exceptional children (over 25 years). Along the way, God has allowed me (PUSHED me would be a better word!) to PROGRESS from my “lofty” perch as teacher of high functioning, COLLEGE-BOUND, “Learning Disabled” and “ADD and ADHD” high school kids (I even taught ONE young man who went on to play professional football for the Dallas Cowboys!), to a different reality. I did SEE Down Syndrome children in another class at our school every day and believed that yes, maybe some of these children, or some of their parents, would have been better off if the children had never been born.
“These children” had some great lessons for ME, and they taught them well! I want to talk about Angie and Andrew (not their real names). They both attended the high school where I taught, were placed in the “Trainable Mentally Handicapped” class, and I had a part-time job as a caregiver to Andrew and five other young men, in a group home nearby. (A teacher, especially when she’s married to another teacher, has to do SOMETHING to bring in some extra money!) And it was an honor and a privilege for me, my husband, and our two sons, to participate in the care of Andrew and the 5 other “mentally and physically challenged” men in this United Cerebral Palsy Group Home.
My husband and I took Angie and Andrew, not only to the high school prom, but out to dinner BEFORE the prom, as was the custom of the “normal kids” in this particular school system in North Carolina. I don’t know which was more exciting for me – seeing the sheer joy and wonder on Angie’s face as she looked around at all the lights and sights of the restaurant(Darryl’s) or seeing her at the prom itself!. Her face shone like a new penny! We had to get a take-out for her dinner, because she was unable to eat a bite! Andrew took it all in stride. As a resident of the group home, he had been exposed to a little more of the culture of the world than Angie had been, since at the group home we took them on regular field trips to the mall and out to eat. But he was unable to eat much of his dinner, either!
Angie’s mother was too poor to afford a dress for the prom, so she found a beautiful royal blue formal dress at Goodwill for $10, and Angie looked radiant! Andrew couldn’t pay for a tux, so I asked teachers to help. They gave me MORE than enough to rent him a tux, buy flowers for him and Angie, and pay for their dinner. There was even cash left over to buy them new outfits for school!
When we got to the prom, fellow classmates greeted them as if they were royalty – they were SO glad that Angie and Andrew had been able to attend the prom! Both their faces beamed all night!
“You’re looking just from the viewpoint of the glitz and glamour of the prom,” you may say. But remember, my entire family and I were also involved in the day to day care of Andrew, who had to be catharized every few hours, was in a wheelchair or on hand crutches, and wore diapers. So don’t tell me that I don’t know what it’s like to be a caregiver for these kids. Andrew had had to have multiple surgeries for the scars left on his legs from the cigarette burns left there by various foster parents, who were “just checking” to make sure he couldn’t feel his legs! Looking back, I would have to say that Andrew was probably one of the happiest, most upbeat, clients in the group home! Bitter toward the foster parents who maimed his legs with lit cigarettes? Not at all! Since he had full use of his arms and the other residents didn’t, Andrew was often called upon and never hesitated to help another client with a task.
After the prom, I made it my goal to meet and get to know some MORE of the students in the “TMD” class. They taught me how to make delicious fudge from scratch. Chocolate is my passion to this day! I started taking some of my “planning time” to visit their class and was amazed by the things I saw them learning and doing! The mood there was the most positive one I have ever experienced in ANY classroom I had ever taught or co-taught as an inclusive teacher. It was contagious!
WHO AM I TO SAY THAT THIS HUMAN BEING OR THAT HUMAN BEING SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN BORN!? Sure, maybe once their family caregivers get too old or die, or even sooner, as in Andrew’s case, government money has to be spent to care for them, although many become self-sufficient through the “sheltered workshops” they attend and learn a trade. I freely offer MY tax money to care for these Down syndrome and otherwise “disabled” adults when it is necessary! In contrast to many to whom my tax money goes, these people are WILLING and ANXIOUS to work for a living. Nuff said….

You guys made me cry today.
What can I say. I had a few experiences with handicapped children. I never saw a Down syndrome child with a bad attitude. They are all so full of love and there is a lot you can learn from them. If people would just check things out before they speak their common sense ideas! Common sense can be very wrong at times. These are real angels sent by God and if you receive one hopefully you are in the position to learn and get enriched by the experience. That is my prayer: may these children be born in families where people are willing to learn patience and appreciate what the good Lord wants to give them. I know, not everybody is able, but may God make us able to get to that level where we find the diamond in the rock.
God bless you all

I am sad and disciuraged sometimes when I read some of the readers comments about your child and your choice. Why? should we have to make a choice of our child’s lives. That’s what we have God to decided for us. He knows our heart, our future our needs. I am saddened everyday that here of another little girl being aborted with downs instead of life. I want to adopt one of these girls to enrich my life to love on to give me purpose. Someoone to love me unconditionally. I have always heard that downs children have so much love to give. And then I think wow.. God is bestowing his love down on us through down children and we are rejecting that love through abortion. How dare another person decide whether a person is good enough to live or die.. I want to learn from these people in live even if its to apprecieate life more and what we can accomplish for the good of all. Not a burden but a teacher of life.

It made me so sad to read the negative comments above that I felt I had to comment by refering to my own experience.
When I could not have any more children for medical reasons my husband and I adopted a little angel who happened to have Downs Syndrome who we loved and cherished from the minute we saw her.Life has not always been easy -one of the Gp’s in our church said to us ‘People dont do things like that!!’ This was 27 years ago -but I dont think times have really changed. Our families and real friends have supported us over the years which has been great.
Our daughter is now 28 and the joy of her life are her nephews and nieces who adore her. She has time and energy to sit and play with them or run around with them in the garden, It has not been an easy path getting her the help and education she deserved but we fought and battled and often won and she is a happy, funny, caring young lady. She helps us with things we find difficult like working the dvd and Wii. She loves playing on her Wii fit and has taught herself to play the games she could not manage at first by sheer determination. She doesn’t go out alone and needs to have discreet supervision at college and in the home.
She often says ‘Oh I love my life’ and who has the right to deny her of it?

Children are a gift from God. It does not matter what disability they may have. I enjoyed my son who was diagnosed with Down Syndrome. He was bright, caring, loving, and accepted everyone. Even the ones who looked at him funny or whispered a ugly word to another individual about him. We are all God’s creations. Children with Down Syndrome can teach us to love one another no matter what we look like or who we are. Is that not what God wants us to do? I was and still am blessed to have a son with me for 4 1/2 years. It seems our children are able to follow God’s commandments and some of us adults need to do the same!

I must admit that I was shocked to see that there are still so many people in this world who think this way-that aborting a baby with DS is the correct approach!Our Peter just celebrated his 30 birthday with a big family party of 42 family members. Yes, he does have Downs but has blessed our family in so many ways and made us all better people. He too often says, “I love my life” enjoying working 5 days a week at the sheltered workshop and 1 day a week at the local supermarket. He takes an active part in church, reads so well thanks to great teachers, and is quite self sufficient. Sports are his passion and he loves his 5 neices and nephews, and siblings.Graduation and the prom were highlights in his life.He bowls weekly on a league. Does this sound any different than “normal” kids?A favorite song of mine says “He can turn your sorrows into joy” The He being our Lord and He certainly has. No, all is not lightness and fun with a disabled child but neither has it been with our other children.Being a parent of any child is a huge responsibility and challenge but also the greatest blessing in the world!!Sallee

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or feels about your blogs…this is your way to express yourself and the joy your daugher brings to your life. One thing I will always remember, “God never makes mistakes!” You able to see things that are impossible for others to see.
My child is disabled due to strokes from a brain tumor…not the same in some ways and exactly the same in others. I had a perfectly normal child for three years and then had to learn to deal with all sorts of disabilities. At first, I was just like the rest of our “me first society”; Why my son, why me…blah, blah, blah. Because, isn’t life centered around me, my needs, my wants, my feelings? As soon as I put ME aside, I started too see the true meaning of real love and joy. The gift that never ends and the unspeakable love that never goes away. In some ways it helped me to understand God’s love for us.
Like I tell a lot of my friends: I may not of picked this journey, but I would not have missed it for the world!

I just love the down syndrome children. I used to work with them & I could take a whole class of them. They are certainly GODS’ Special ones. GOD bless families that keep them & love them.
Barbara

I would love to know if the people who say they are a burden are people that have children with disabilities. My guess is no.

Dear Amy, I too also feel you pain, but I really feel your joy with your daughter. I grew up with down syndrum in my family one Aunt and one Uncle, but I was extremly close to my Uncle. I sat crying reading your article hit too close to home. Growing up my Uncle was very out going and my Grandmother made sure he could read write, tell time and take care of his money so he would not be taken advantage of. So many people would make fun of him. His name was Dexter, so people would call everyone Dex if they messed up.. Dex did ok he made alot of friends and some people took him to many places. I was much yonger than him but, I would help my grandma watch him so she could have a life also. I am gratefull for that because he taught me more than anyone will ever know. When I got married I was so scared to start a family of my own so I didn’t right away. Lucky I married a wonderful man and after seven years I asked him to start a family. We talked about our chances of something like this happening. All I know I am so glad I took the chance I have a heathly 16 year old girl, but you know what I would never once have given up the chance of having Dexter in my life. Thank you Lord. Amy times will be tough, but you will have more joy that most people will ever experience.

I have a daughter with Down Syndrom and she is the joy of my heart and the light of my eyes. She is an acceptional child, as I think alot of children are. She is now 24. She is very smart, has a memory like an elephant, but due to lack of services and inability of colleges that could or would accept her, she was not able to continue school after the age of 21. She knows her way around a computer, does searches and can tell you who is who as far as actors and singers. She know movies they’ve starred in, their birthdates, middle names and what other movies they may have been in. The point I’m trying to make is that they are happy and content, God gives us children as ours because they are angels that also need to be born and he only entrusts them to those who he knows will care for them wholeheartedly. There is a lot of hipocracy in the world and those people who open their mouths to say we made the wrong choice can’t be true Christians. Love your child, show her to live to her fullest capacity and enjoy your life and moments with her. Nothing in life is easy but God stands by us and helps us help them as best we can.

All children are a gift from God. How can anyone say that they’re a burden on society? Jesus gave his life for all of us. Can’t we show the same compassion for a child that is different from what everyone considers “normal”. God didn’t make any of us perfect. We all have flaws, but he over looks them and loves us anyway. We are all his children and who are we to judge any child that’s given to someone and that child has downs syndrome or any other problems? Shame on you who condemn them. You’ll have to explain that to God some day. You’d better start working on it now.

There has never been a child in our family (to date) that has a disability, however the family continues to grow. And I believe all children are born with a soul. And to my knowledge no child with down syndrome grew up to be a Hitler, or a Stalin, but I have no doubt someone who is a narciccist – and can’t understand why you would have and take care of a special needs child – could be or become a monster.

Hi Jenny,
I have the pleasure of working with adults with disabilities and rejoice in the fact that no day is the same; I am never bored and love advocating for the individuals I serve and watching them achieve things that doctor told the parents they would never do.
My sister daughter was born with downs and she had no idea that something was wrong until she was born. I think the fact that you know and could educate yourself before had is wonderful. my nice is a work of art and we love her dearly. God gave you a special baby, because he knew you have the love, compassion and the nuturing sprit to make a difference in Penny’s life. God bless you and Penny. Don’t let other people steal your joy!

I am a grandfather of a wonderful little girl that has downs and Grace is the love of our lives. Cannot imagine what emptyness we would have had without her laugh, her smile, her hugs, her toughness. She has had 2 open heart surgery and has come out of them with a smile and strength that I doubt few of us can think of ever having. She is only 8 but has thought her grandfather how to work his iphone and to remember to say his prayer before the meal. She has blessed our lives above measure and I thank my Father in Heaven for giving us our Grace to care for.

I think it is WONDERFUL that the writer of this piece kept her daughter, and is grateful to have her. I, however, would not like people who were dead set that they could not raise such a child to keep them. I think I’d choose to raise a child like that, and I think I’d adjust and be happy doing it, but I have a queasy feeling about a child like this being raised by somebody who resents them horribly. Some people aren’t able to feel the way the writer does. I try not to judge them for knowing themselves.

I have a best friend Jane who has a child that has Downs. He is lovely, beautiful, smart, and Nat is the love of everybody life. You have no idea what you are missing. I was pregnant with a baby girl who lived for only three months. My baby was born with a heart defect.I took care of the my child.,but one day she passed away. Remember God only gives to people who deserve challanged children,. I was under the doctors care for 9 months. They did not know, until the baby was born. All I can say. I have a angel with me all day, every hour. I do visit her, and wish with all my heart she was here. So please be happy for what you have. Your children is here for a reason.

My younger sister has Down syndrome. She is 36 years old, lives alone in her apartment, works at a nearby grocery store, and is fully self-sufficient. Yes, people check up on her, but she is just as independent as any other young adult would be. She does not have any severe health problems–a little overweight, a minor heart murmur, but that’s it. She has been a blessing to our family her whole life. She finds joy in small things, she loves wholly, and she strips away all those foolish things that we tend to get wrapped up in: disagreements, financial worries, politics, etc. I think she was given to us as a way to better see and understand God’s love. After all, who can understand His love better than a small child? And even though she is now almost “middle aged”, my sister still experiences that child’s love.

Our Heavenly Father and Mother bestows each one of us amazing grace that appears not precious but because it is called amazing grace,the joy it will bring is beyond measure and expectations.God is all knowing God,we are not to make mistake of all our assumptions to any disabled member of our family.We need to show LOVE inorder that we can prove we bear God’s seal in us,when God is LOVE,all our ways should be in that quality of every action and choices we make.thanks.

I too have a disabled daughter. She is mentally challenged. She is now 28 years old and I thank God for her. She is my constant companion, she makes me laugh, she loves everyone. I wish the whole world could have a little more of what she has. She is innocent and loving and why wouldn’t we need more of that in this world?

While I cannot even imagine the difficulty of making such a choice, I do not understand how people can be so judgmental and cruel. I have a friend whose child was in an accident and is forever wheelchair bound and cannot speak. I am always touched when I see the love in mom and dad’s eyes when they take care of her most basic needs. In some people’s eyes that child should not exist. How can we mere humans understand God’s magnificent plan?

I just have to comment on the post that stated that a Down Syndrome child gives “no return on investment” as if the child has no worth. Apparently from the other posts there are, thank God, those who see the joy of loving another person regardless of their physical condition. I had a nephew who although he did not have Down Syndrome, he was born with hydrocephalus, blind and autistic. He could not speak but only make sounds. Some would think he was not worth the time and effort to care for him but there was a little girl in a home who never spoke for years until he was transferred there. His sounds must have been “music to her ears” because she finally began to speak. Some may not see him as worth much to society but God had set him to be a priceless gift to that little girl.

PRIASE GOD FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU WITH THE PUREST-SELFLESS-LOVING HEART SUCH AS YOUR OWN…I ADMIRE YOU FOR KNOWING & NOT TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT OF WHAT MUST BE HARD WORK, AND SHAME ON THOSE THAT TAKE GOD INTO THEIR OWN HANDS!!! IN HIS WORD IT STATES THAT HE KNEW US IN THE WOMB, HOW MANY HAIRS ON OUR HEAD ETC…IN PROVERS 3:5-6 HE ALSO TELLS US THAT WE ARE TO TRUST HIM & “NOT” LEAN ON OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING! AMEN!! & PRAISES TO THE KING OF kings…IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THE ONES WHO WOULD DO AWAY WITH A LIFE ARE THE ONES THAT ARE STILL LOST & LIVING IN DARKNESS…YOUR DAUGHTER IS VERY BLESSED BY A MOTHER WHO UNDERSTANDS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THIS LIFE’S EXISTANCE & THAT IS “LOVE” “LOVE” “LOVE”….UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!! LOVE IS HEALING…I BET YOUR DAUGHTERS HEART IS A “WHOLE HEALED” ONE, WHICH I CANNOT SAY THAT MAY BE THE CASE WITH THE BLIND PEOPLE THAT HAD NEG.THINGS TO SAY ABOUT YOUR TOPIC!MAY GOD CONTINE TO BLESS YOU & YOURS “ALL” THE DAY’S OF YOU LIVES…WITH LOVE, LINDA/NANA BUMBLEBEE…. ) +++
JOHN 3:16
MAT 6:33
PROV 3:5-6
ISA 53:5
ISA 54:17

I have never commented on an internet article but could not resist this one.Being a parent of a child with mental challenges and having experienced how cruel and unaccepting people are, I would like to encourage the mother of the down syndrome child.You are doing great and to God be the glory.Do not hold anything against those who don’t appreciate your choice.As long as someone has not walked your path, they will not understand.My challenged child is the best gift God has ever given me.Please enjoy your child, love her, and walk with your head high.You have many balcony friends cheering you on. My prayers will be with you always.

Some people can be stupid, ignorant, or just downright mean…but they still have the right to LIVE. I work with children with disabilities. I also have a 3-1/2 y.o. son who was diagnosed with Autism a little over a year ago. It has been difficult, but I wouldn’t give up a single day. He is a CHILD, first and foremost, and a beautifully blessed one at that!…a child who has any disability is still a CHILD. I am now pregnant with our 3rd child (a girl!), and wouldn’t dream of getting her screened. If the child has some sort of abnormality, other than what is seen on an ultrasound, it cannot be fixed. Putting my unborn child to death is NEVER an option!! …oh. and it helps to have a PRO-LIFE ob/gyn, too! Amy, the hate and ignorance being spewed by these horrible comments reveal attitudes that are sad…sad b/c they are missing out on a life that is deeper, more enriched, and more fulfilling than they will EVER know!

Thank you very much for your post. This whole situation is new to me and scary. I am 35 years old and I did choose to have the down syndrome testing and everything did turn out fine. I know if it wouldn’t have turned out with good news there would be those that would have expected me to terminate the pregnancy but my heart is too big to get rid of a living life. I would have kept the baby either way. I think I did the testing more so for my families piece of mind. And if things didn’t turn out well it would have been a dispute with those that don’t share my views. I think you are a great mom and I think it is so wonderful that you cherish your little girl. I ache for those born with down syndrome that do not grow up in a loving households or end up in foster homes. Your little girl is beautiful and God loves you for your beautiful heart!

Hi. I feel for you. My aunt had downs syndrome, bless her heart, and she was a joy to be around. I did not get screened either and am the mother of a wonderful autistic 11 year old. Bless you and enjoy your life with your child. – J

I wish I could meet you and Penny. You are my kind of people…people who really know what’s important in life…people in touch with their Creator. The world is a better place because of people like you. KEEP WRITING!!!

I would first just like to add that you have a bundle of joy there. I have been a mother of a wonderful Down Syndrome son for the past 25 years and the Good Lord say the same this November will be 26 years. It was a little rough in the first years. He is a productive living young man today. It took alot of prayer and early education to get him where he needed to be today. He walks , talk and represent himself well when he speaks, he is able to stay home alone and prepare his own meals on any given day without direct supervision. I’m not saying you will end up with the same results but its worth a try. I stated earlier he was enrolled in MHMRA at the age of 3 months and it helped, early education is the key. I pray that you do try. “NOTHING BEATS A FAILURE BUT A TRY”! Did I not sate that I had him at the young age of 20.

We are blessed to have a Godchild, Sofie, who has downs. She is the joy of our family. She is smart, beautiful and a wonderful gift from God.

I know that there are so many people that do not understand how you can choose not to end a pregnancy when the child is determined to have downs or other disabilities but for myself I would choose to have the baby no matter what. We are raising a 4 yr old grandson that is down syndrome. There is never a day that goes by that we do not thank God for sending him to us. We do not know what the future holds but that goes with any child you raise. All we know is Logan brings so much and Love to this family. Until you have experienced it you do not know what us as parents see in our disabled children. Thier love is unconditional and our love is unconditional to them.

Hi first I need to stop the tears. What is wrong with people. I have a beautifull 2 year old. She is only the size of a 7 monthold. She has down syndrome. Gods blessings our are children. I use to wonder whay people would ask me when I would tell them I was have a baby with down syndrome there response would be are you keeping it. I am confused because the last I remember nobody here on earth is perfect. So I dont understand why that is what pops into peoples mionds. Sad very sad. I was pregnant with twins and lost one. But I would not trade her for the world just like i would not trade my 16 year old son. Another comment people would say or actually they still say when I tell them about Susan they say O I am sorry. What the hell are they sorry about, I am in no way sorry for having her I would love to adopt a child with a dissabilities actually. Well I have babled on enough. But please dont say your sorry or are you keeping it. These kids are blessings like all children our.

Do not even let the thought of NOT writing about your baby enter your mind! I am the mother of 3 deaf children and it was not easy raising them. To this day I still get nasty comments; they are a burden on society, they will never amount to anything( that one from teachers and family), what drugs did I do and/or what sins am I paying for! I see this as a chance to get up on my soap box and give these people an education. Most turn their way of thinking around; if not, they are not they kind of people I would want in my life or my kidlets life.

My daughter was born 28 years ago. The doctors gave my husband and I the choice to let “nature” takes it course. This was explained to us like, no human contact would be made with this child, she would starve to death which would take about 3 to 4 days they said.
She is alive and very healthy. Has it been easy no…has it all been a blessing no. She has been through alot for a “little girl”.
God did bless her with a super healthy heart, but there has been to many other health issues to mention. But for her will to live she is still here. She knows she is “different”. She knows that she is like the other people she sees with downs. This hurts me so much for her.
We just celebrated her 28th birthday in August and I can’t help but wonder if things had been different would I have a grandbaby now with my daughter?
But I know this, my daughter looks up to me and loves me unconditionly. Would I change a thing…NO!!!!! Thank God for my baby girl!!!!

I read what these uneducated people had to say about having a child with downs syndrome.My brother,who had downs syndrome recently died at the age of 23.He was the most beautiful person i ever met,he only exuded love for everyone.He even taught us how to love BETTER!We are all better people for having had him in our lives.It was not difficult raising him,it was a true pleasure to see him grow and learn everyday.He was never a burden, what is truly sad is that there are so many people who sit and love to judge and point the finger. If its not you doing it, look the other way! They are human beings just like us! All of the negative thinkers could actually learn a thing or two from children with downs,how to love no matter what color,shape,size,or handicap.They just see you for who you are!

I myself do not have a gift of God child with a disability but as an older grandma with physical issues of my own I am blessed by the young people who bag my groceries and help me to my car. Mant of the young baggers at our local store have downs and what a pleasure they are.
Most teenagers have attitudes not always pleasant. I count on these young people to show me a smile or a sweet coment of how they love their some what lost art of srvice, jobs. I always get a look of concern for me and a real desire to help me. Maybe we have something to learn from those that are labeled by us as disabled or mentally challenged. True Love and concern without the judgement.Thanks to the store management that allows us to meet and enjoy such pefect example of Gods love.

I have always had a special feeling in my heart for Downs children
I think they are the most Special Gifts to their parents and yes,
I always wanted one…God Blessed us with 3 healthy children, but I
still have that special feeling in my heart for a Downs child, maybe
it is the unconditional way they Love, for when they trust, and love you it is from the Heart…
Don’t listen to these UNeducated , uncarin, hateful people that say
mean things, be very proud of your daughter, you are Blessed…

I have never met a downs syndrome child that wasn’t loveable. I have been around a lot of them. I have a daughter who has cerebral palsy and is developementally disabled. It hasn’t been easy taking care of her all of these years,{49} but I wouldn’t want to be without her. It is not easy taking care of a normal child either. There are a lot of so called normal people who are a burden to society.
I have learned a lot from these special people. Compassion, love,patience and how to laugh. These are God’s children and are here for a reason.

Amy, my first response after reading this article is “God Bless you! and you go girl!”
My littlest sister has downs and I believe you accurately have portrayed what it’s like to have a family member with downs. When my parents told us after the ultrasound that there was a small heart tremor and there was a possibility the baby might have a disability, we didn’t know quite what to expect. 8 years later (thankfully completely healthy), life definitely has been very different and often difficult with “Nicole”. But know what? That doesn’t mean I would change her for anything.
I’ve thought sometimes how much easier it would have been for “Nicole” to have been normal, but when I look at her I see the person she is and she is absolutely beautiful and it literally hurts to feel the love I have for her. Even though she has downs, she is still a WHOLE person. She’s all there and she is smart and funny.
And no she will probably never grow up and “repay” society in the literal term, but when was giving ever about what we get? Honestly, if the only reason God has put people with special needs in our lives is to give us a chance to literally be selfless and to give without being re payed and to show unconditional love, then what more reason do we need? Jesus loves us unconditionally no matter what, and in no way does “Love your neighbor as yourself” exclude people with special needs.
Thanks Amy, please tell Penny I say hi and that she is loved

AS I WAS READING THESE COMMENTS AND I READ ENOUGH TO SAY, NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE A CHILD WITH DOWN SYNDROME, UNLESS YOU HAVE ONE. I’M A MOTHER OF FOUR AND MY FIRST BORN WAS BORN WITH DOWN SYNDROME. THERE HAVE BEEN UPS AND DOWNS, BUT THE GOOD HAVE OUT WEIGHED THE BAD. SHE GOT THE HONOR ROLL IN SCHOOL AND GRADUATED IN 2004. SHE HAS AMAZES ME AND TEACHES ME THINGS EVERYDAY, AND SHE HAS NEVER BEEN TREATED LIKE SHE WAS DIFFERENT. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY THESE KIDS ARE A BURDEN AND THEY DON’T FIT IN THIS WORLD. WE ARE ALL CREATED IN GOD’S IMAGE, AND HE LOVES US ALL THE SAME. IN CLOSING I CAN SAY THAT IF I HAD IT TO DO IT ALL AGAIN I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING, EVEN IF I KNEW AND I HAD A CHOICE. MY DAUHTER IS AN INSPIRATION AND A JOY, I CALL HER MY SUNSHINE ON A RAINNY DAY.

When the doctor told me my precious perfect child had downs syndrome, I swore he had to be wrong. I thought that we would never hear him talk, or see him potty trained. I never thought I would see him smile, or play, or learn. I thought we were doomed. But, 7 years later, he is potty trained, he goes to school, he knows all his colors, he writes his name, he says “Mom, I love you.” Never did I expect to learn so much about love and life from a child. When we are standing in line at the store, he sticks his hand out to everyone and says “hi.” He introduces everyone in his family. He has taught me more about the way people SHOULD be than anyone in the world. Everyone is his friend, even if we haven’t met them yet. Yes, maybe we have struggles with him, but every parent has hard times. I now realise, he was never and never will be a burden. He is a BLESSING. I would not know what to do if I woke up tomorrow and he was not a part of my life. He truly is my light in this world.

I am an RN and have taken care of many children with many disabilities. I have always loved the children with downs syndrome. They are so loving and gentle. Forget what anyone says that is negative. I guarantee you no one has a perfect child. God blessed us with our children for a reason. So I Love my children no matter what their faults because we are all imperfect. So keep loving your daughter and enjoy every day with her. Have a blessed day:)

Too bad there is not genetic testing for alcoholism, drug abuse or just plain stupidity. If there were the ignorant comments to your blog would not exist. You have a child first and foremost not a Down’s. The Bible tells me ALL children are a blessing from God! On the plus side for you, you will probably never have to deal with teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, alcoholism, bailing her out of jail for WHATEVER reason. And she will probably be sweeter and innocent longer. Where is the “DOWN” side to that?

What a shame people posting such awful comments! Not one of us is born with out some kind of disability, & from the postings there are a lot here that have major disabilities! God knows us before we were born, He knows our name, He knows everything. I have a friend with a daughter who is almost 49 years old, and she has Downs, I say she is the normal one, she has the xtra chromosome, Blessings on your beautiful angel Penny, may she continue to give you the joy in your life that so many parents do not have!

Thank You Thank You Thank You… for all your courage to but your life out there. Our littlel Andrea is the light of our lives and I’ve said it a hundred times…
Some people search for a piece of heaven the whole life, I hold it in my arms every day. I wouldn’t change a thing about my angel.
Please keep doing what your doing, there are alot of us out there who truely appreciate it.

Take it from a grandmother of a baby boy with down syndrome. This is ONLY a MEDICAL dignoses, this is not my grandchild, and such dignoses don’t tell us how unique, loving or precious each of our little ones will be or later. God is love, every time I hold my grandson (as well as his 2 siblings, one is his twin sister)I’m touching the hem. I thank God for my grandson and I know I’ve been blessed as has my family because of him. Is he special, you bet!

Way to go ladies (MOMs). KUDOS to u! I appreciate you as a person, because as you can see we all have a reason and God’s plan to be here on earth. Enjoy your precious gift.

I also have a special needs child. The Drs. told me she would probably live to be 12 years old, but she will soon be 42 and I can’t tell you the blessings she has brought to our family. Robin is the love of our lives. I vision her running through flowers when we get to heaven. She can’t speak or walk but goes to a special school every day, but she can let me know what she wants, We love her Dearly. So hang in there and do what your heart tells you to do.

As I prepare to begin my own blog about our lives with 2 of 3 disabled children (garden variety-as I call it- mitochondrial myopathy), I have been reading lots of blogs about disabilities and came across this one of yours. No parent of disabled child went into parenthood wanting a disabled child. Many days, I would gladly trade my crazy complicated and stressful life for that of life with “normal” children. Yet what I have come to believe and hope to explore in my own blog, is that we are chosen for this job, in this life, for some very special reasons that are rarely clear to us, but, we in being chosen have rec’d the greatest gift of our lives.
Sure, I would have liked to go to the dinner party on Saturday night, but our respite giver was not available, and I couldn’t find an adult sitter in our tiny rural town. SO we made other plans. We had a bonfire with some old friends. As the adults finished desert, Miss H broke away from the other teenagers and came in to sit with us. She spontaneously, in her great non sequitur style, began to sing in a clear true voice, the song “AIn’t no mountain high enough…”. I was momentarily embarrased , when I realized that the whole room was transfixed by the clarity of her voice and her spirit shining though it.
When was the last time they had heard something so simple, so moving; such a unvarnished presentation of human spirit? I could tell by their faces that it had been a long, long while. That moment made up for the whole day- a really rough one of an hour long tantrum by her brother, Miss H taking a terrible fall in the kitchen when she lost her balance- you name it , it happened. But it all disappeared in that moment.
For those unfortunate souls who have not had the gift of spending time with a disabled child, have not seen the joy that is untarnished by our social mores, have not experienced their limitless love, I truly feel sorry. They do not realize that it is this ” disabled ” population that understands the real meaning of life, that many of us more “gifted” humans will spend days and years trying to find. We , who are so honored to guide them through life are the real winners.
I am not there yet, but am inspired tonight to begin my own conversation. Join me soon at ” The Messy Nest”

I have a friend whose daughter has down syndrome – she is now 27 years old – has her high school diploma and has worked for a department store since high school. Her parents have a trust set up for her for when they are gone. This child is very bright and loving.
I also had a neighbor once that had a son with down syndrome – this was the nicest kid – smart, kind and helpful – i liked him a lot; however, his parents didn’t have much, so I am not sure how he will survive once they are gone.

My Downs-syndrome baby was born in 1989. MaryBeth had heart abnormalities as well. She survived 10 months on this earth. I can not put into words everything she taught me. She was my angel and after 20 years I still miss her.