There will be no video today for technical reasons (rather stressful!), so I would like to post a little essay I wrote that continues our theme from last week … on how “Zen teachers” sometimes get out on the wrong side of the bed too …
supposed to turn us into emotional robots, cold stones, or to make life
a perpetual valium trip in ‘Candy Land’. (Some forms of Buddhism do
emphasize extinguishing many human passions and emotions, and that may
be a wonderful path, but I never found that very attractive or
practical in my own life). I believe that, so long as we have these
human bodies, we will get “stressed out” sometimes.
I like my
practice because it allows me to savor the human condition, the ups and
downs, while seeing through the situation (although sometimes that
takes time, as one can be blinded in the “heat of the moment”). Zen
practice allows me to much more easily recover my balance (when I fall
off life’s bicycle). I can usually keep my stillness and “center” and
avoid the wild extremes. I want to be a good and gentle human being,,
easy on myself and others … but a human being I will remain. I
believe that Buddhism smooths out the ups and downs, and allows us more
control over the ups and downs … but that the ups and downs will
always be part of life’s ride. Anyway, they are a part of my life.
We
can see through the “self”, drop many aspects of having a mortal
“self”, soften or fully escape much of the friction when our “self”
bumps into all the other “selfs” of the world … but, so long as we
are alive, we are a poor little “self”.
In fact (can I say this as a Buddhist??), I even like my silly “self”.
My
wife and a couple of people mentioned to me today that I was being
short and “snarky” (sarcastic and impatient) in talking to people. I
realized that my wife is right, and I am still affected by a number of
things, ranging from family and work issues, my teacher’s health
condition (he is 90 years old and not himself) to a Japanese driver’s
license test I failed (man, they make it hard to renew a license
here!). It is a bit of stress, and I am acting out.
I believe
that our human brains are built to handle stress (and some other
sometimes aggressive or defensive emotions) in very primitive ways. We
are still “Ug the Caveman” deep
down. Our Buddhist practice let’s us tame our “inner caveman” before he
does his worst, although he is always sitting there ready to grab his
club!
Anyway, I like to be the “teacher” in my Sangha because I
am just a foolish, imperfect middle-aged man … husband and father …
who thinks this practice makes him a significantly better and wiser
(but often foolish) man. It is “okay” to feel stressed, worried, sad or
“snarky” sometimes.
However, what you do with your “caveman” when that happens makes the all the difference in the world. I think.
Gassho, Jundo (the perfectly imperfect) Cohen
All evil karma ever committed by me since of old,
On account of my beginningless greed, anger and ignorance,
Born of my body, speech, and thought,
Now I atone for it all.
posted March 5, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Hi.
Ask yourself, what is a “teacher”?
And remember, “mishaps” are part of the practice.
May the force be with you
Tb
posted March 5, 2009 at 2:17 pm
even wiser the second time, brother Tb
Gassho (snicker)
Tobiah
posted March 5, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Greetings, Sensei
Thank you for being humble enough to admit YOUR imperfections, and reminding us repeatedly that it’s perfect to be imperfect. After all, if we were all perfect all the time, what would we have to work on and practice toward?
You are a good teacher.
Gassho
posted March 5, 2009 at 6:17 pm
(The last comment was posted by Glow)
posted March 5, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Even Buddha wanted to hit and scream into a pillow sometimes!
Gassho
Myoshin
posted March 6, 2009 at 1:10 pm
The above comments are relevant and important to those who wrote them. That’s what’s nice about making comments. The final comment about having to “atone” for the mishaps and sadness and wrong acts are no doubt why Christianity/Luther poses the alternative. After years of meditation, stress, anger, benevolent acts – some all on the same day – if honest to my experience of the human condition, I would be very reluctant to recommend either solution or to accept one for myself. This is the “burden”: to not know. But to be able to live anyway. My words are now of little to know value. Wisdom to know when to stop.
posted March 6, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Thank you Jundo for your concise, accessible writing style–it motivates me to further my study of Buddhism and meditation practice.
You are indeed the “Hemmingway” of Buddhist writing!
posted March 6, 2009 at 11:29 pm
I have a keen interest in vipassana and have begun to study meditation. I only know a little about the difference between Threvada and Zen. When I first got into this stuff I was ready to abandon everything I had learned about the Western world and Christianity… (which started in the Middle East under Roman persecusion).
I studied sociology, psych. and philosophy for years so dependant origination was a refreshing idea. I realize know that Hindu and Sufism define self and God in whole different world view. I don’t want to know “WHO” shot the arrow anymore. Liberation, Samsara Mastery, practice whatever… I think your wonderful. It suprises me that some people raised in Western theology actually think that they can divorse themselves from this attitude intirely. I don’t think I could embrace Threvada anymore than I could view the world through orthodoxy or gnostic Christianity. I learn more everyday about doubt, desire, ignorance and fear.
Why else whould I need the meditation? People have critiqued the things I’ve shared here with such vexation and a limited understanding. I like what the sutras say about wisdom but it escapes me at times. I will probably believe in God as long as I need him around. I ask myself what its doing for me. What can I do for others in need? Meditation is something I need to do for myself at times. People with beautiful voices should probably sing aloud.
posted March 6, 2009 at 11:33 pm
I’m really tired of trying to post on your websight
posted March 7, 2009 at 5:42 am
“Even Buddha wanted to hit and scream into a pillow sometimes!”
Nonsense.
Also, have you ever seen a three-year-old throw a tantrum? Most people give up the habit as they grow older. Full Enlightenment is when you have given up *all* such habits, all follies, utterly and forever.
posted March 26, 2009 at 11:40 am
Well stated Jundo, and others, We are of course as human beings in the process of attaining perfection, accepting limitations,but the importance is to take full responsibility for everything you say and do and do your very best. Of course, love each person and treat them, no matter who they are, as IF THEY MATTERED!