At the very beginning of my rabbinical studies, one of my teachers gave me a sage piece of advice: "Don’t let your congregants put you on a pedestal. Then they’ll spend all their time trying to knock you off of it." The point is that clergy are often held up to unrealistic expectations–the "perfect" rabbi is supposed to make only $20,000 a year and give away $30,000 of it to tzedakah!–and then are faulted when they fail to live up to them.
The key, as my teacher was telling me, was not to get caught up in this dynamic in the first place. Don’t let your congregation start believing you’re superhuman (flawless) and don’t let yourself start believing it either.
Clergy are very human, with human strengths and weaknesses. Certainly we should be aspiring to the highest levels of ethical behavior that we can, but we also need to be honest and open about issues that we are struggling with. A rabbi who is "perfect" has nothing to teach his or her congregants, who aren’t. But a rabbi who confronts difficult issues with honesty and integrity can offer congregants a model of how to do the same in their own lives.
As Gayle Haggard, wife of disgraced evangelical minister Ted Haggard, acknowledged in a letter to her former congregation, “For those of you who have been concerned that my marriage was so perfect I could not possibly relate to the women who are facing great difficulties, know that this will never again be the case.”
Ted Haggard, like so many other religious leaders, seemed to believe that he always had to project an image of ‘perfection’ at all costs. Perhaps the most extreme example of this is Rabbi Fred Neulander, who hired a hit man to murder his wife rather than suffer the humiliation of a divorce.
Clergy need to acknowledge that we are not perfect and reach out for help when we need it, rather than trying to maintain a perfect façade that does both us and our congregants a real disservice. Worst of all, we can begin to believe about ourselves what others wish to believe about us, and then we are doomed.
Instead of holding ourselves above the congregation, we must lead from within–showing that even a flawed, imperfect, everyday person has the possibility–and obligation–to strive for honesty, holiness, and the highest of ethical standards.
Can Religious Leaders Be Perfect?
Monday November 20, 2006
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About Virtual Talmud
This blog is no longer updated and is closed for comments. We welcome your comments about Judaism in our Judaism forums.
Brad Hirschfield currently blogs on Windows and Doors.
Author, radio and TV talk show host, and President of CLAL-The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, Brad Hirschfield is the author of You Don’t Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right: Finding Faith Without Fanaticism. Listed as one of the nation’s 50 most influential rabbis in Newsweek, and a regular commentator on Court TV, he is the creator of the popular series, Building Bridges, airing on Bridges TV, and the co-host of the weekly radio show, Hirschfield and Kula.
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I don't think anyone expects a rabbi to be "perfect", but I do think congregants have the right to expect a rabbi to try to set a good example. We once had a rabbi who preached about ethical behavior and then weaseled his way out of his contract when a better opportunity for him personally came along. This sent a very clear mesage - ethical principles are important as abstracts but when it comes to economic self-interest the dollar trumps the princ iple. Is this the kind of example a clergyperson really wants to set, the kind of message they want to send?
We are all of us supposed to be good examples one to another, not just the teachers, and the preachers, and the leaders. And I read what you wrote about the 'church' paying you $20,000 yr and expecting you to give $30,000yr at their whim. I believe the Jewish people are supposed to tithe, and we might should too, and it is more blessed to give that to receive when done in a cheerful manner, but 'the church' does not dictate how the preacher, or teacher is to spend their money, or who to give it to. That kind of a congregation should 'Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own busines and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependant on anybody.' If that kind of people does that, there will be no time for invading someone else's private affairs, that has the same rights as they have, and should be thoroughly respected as such. Anyway, preachers have the option of putting the congregation in their place, and should do so, if called by God to be a shepherd or a leader, or I would say, 'No thanks, bye-bye, and lead yourselves. Purely personal thought there at the last. Anyway, don't let people push you into anything that you know is wrong, and not even scriptural in the least, if they want 'called' then the shepherd is the shepherd and the church is the church not to be blind in faith, but to search out the scripture, 'cause, we are all human and we are all still learning, and are supposed to be a support to one another, not to tear one another down or apart or to take undue advantage of anyone whatsoever, and that means for them not to take undue advantage of you either, teacher or preacher or shepherd. Hope this will be taken in the light that it was written. 'Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.'
My father was a pastor (not Jewish, but bear with me...) -- and his congregation loved him so much, thought he was so caring, loving, understanding. And he was -- to them. Unfortunately, he was not nearly as caring, loving, understanding to his own children. And I have the therapy bills to prove it (!). I would suggest to any member of the clergy that they strive to set a good example of living a good life, while having a *real* life, in both personal and professional arenas. And letting their children know it is okay to make mistakes, as well.
The comment about a rabbi getting a $20,000 salary and then being expected to give $30,000 to charity is just an example of hyperbole that is common in Jewish humor. In reality, may (if not most) Conservative and Reform rabbis make close to if not above $100,000, and the highest paid make >$200,000. Some Orthodox rabbis have very small congregations that can only pay a small salary, but Jewish clergy are not expected to live a life of poverty.
That's good to know. Smile