For all the efforts that are going into attracting and retaining the next generation of Jews, one step is sorely missing: adequate and effective training for youth leaders. Most congregations hire staff for youth groups who are self-taught. Perhaps they were youth leaders as young people, or have some teaching or camping experience. What a far cry from the very organized and directed training I see going on in the evangelical Christian community.
Every so often I get a flier from a church group that holds national training institutes for youth leaders. The programs look so dynamic. I know from neighbors that some of these churches run dynamic services for their youth. Their kids are always reaching out to unaffiliated classmates (and unfortunately also affiliated ones) to bring them with them to some church youth event. The point is that they know how to successfully excite and motivate the unaffiliated.
Where are we going wrong and what can we do to get it right?
We, Jews, need to retool our youth leadership training now. Let’s take a page out of the church groups and train our youth staff and leaders in the most effective outreach techniques and how to make dynamic and moving services. Let’s have a series of regional national conferences with our great musicians like Craig Taubman to bring ruach (spirit) to the group, dynamic motivational speakers, and training in outreach methods, which use the best practices adapted from church and community organizing methods.
Megachurches have made a megabusiness of training youth leaders who then train the youth in their local churches. We need to do the same. We need to teach our kids how to reach out to their peers, and not just their friends, how to engage newcomers in a deep and consistent way. We need to teach our kids to reach out to everyone, not just the cool kids. We need to teach them to be loving and welcoming to the unpopular kids as well.
We are at a desperate junction, in danger of loosing almost an entire generation of unaffiliated young people. We need a Birthright-style investment to identify and train leaders and our youth who are affiliated for congregational and college-based youth work. It is all very fine to debate what it means to engage in a Jewish act, but what we need now are the tools to effectively transmit our religious values (across all the movements) to the next generation. Every marker shows that adults who are synagogue affiliates are more Jewishly engaged than those who are not affiliated. Therefore we should be doing what we can to bolster that affiliation into the next generation through our youth groups. To do that, we need to build more effective youth training.
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Author, radio and TV talk show host, and President of CLAL-The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, Brad Hirschfield is the author of 
Chana said: The curtain - no big deal - ours is a see through wooden lattice type - beautiful and see through with plenty of room to see Rabbi when he speaks.
I am a hugger - it is nice to be welcomed by my sisters in the faith with a hug. The Pres. - a man - shakes hands with everyone and makes a point to say hello to everyone at every service.
Dear Chana,
I would never think to judge without first-hand experience. I don't know where you live, but here at the O synagogue in my small western Florida town (barely a zit on the map), women may not even sit with their husbands at the lunch table. Women may not join a conversation if men are present and certainly not a religious discussion, even if she can run scholarly circles around them (maybe that's why?). It's worse at the local Chabad synagogue. No man would even acknowledge a woman's presence except in direst necessity, not even before or after services. The rabbi certainly does not shake hands with women. If one approaches, he flings his hands behind his back and looks somewhere past her shoulder. The curtain, however sheer, is still there dividing the genders, and women come off a poor second.
When a woman may not stand at the bima, speak of scholarly things in the presence of men, say certain prayers, initiate a divorce, or even wear short sleeves on a hot day, that atmosphere is not for me. And please please please don't try to tell me that the man's prayer to HaShem for not making him a woman is a lament. It's gratitude for not being caged.
I'm delighted you found a goodly home in your synagogue. For me, not a thing has changed from the New York City shul where I spent the first 27 years of my life.
Carolyn
HI Carolyn - WOW - things are sure different in Southern California!
I am so happy my experience has not been like that! Even at the Chabad - I am surprised!
I certainly do not blame you for wanting nothing to do with them.
Not even acknowledge a woman's presence!
Once I was the ONLY woman at an evening holiday service! (In a Chabad). The Rabbi personally thanked me for coming - said a woman's presence will keep all us guys in line! FunnY - they sat with me at nosh time and conversed with me and said L'Chiam's with me! I felt respected and that I counted.
Well, it is a very diverse Jewish world even amongst the O.
Being an older woman and not needing what I needed when I was younger - the divorce rules etc. do not bother me, and amongst the younger O. friends of mine they have managed to work it out and do not leave.
Bat Mitzvah's are awesome - big parties - just not on Shabbos, very affirming to womanhood with joyfulness.
I do find more spiritual depth to the teachings - I guess that makes up for the other stuff for me.
You response is very kind - thank for honoring my choice.
I hope you are able to find what you want for yourself and your family in some branch of our faith somewhere. You are a very important member of our family. Shalom Dear Heart.
I am a Reform Jew who has recently become active in my temple. I grew up in Nebraska where there are some but not many Jews. I've gotten to know many "types" of Jews and Christians -- lapsed, angry, evangelical, observant, and inspired.
I believe that all Jews, not just kids, would ideally be inspired to do the important works the Torah tells us - loving our children and our spouse, communicating that love and connecting at a deep level, making friends and having fun, repairing the world. Regarding the finer points of ritual and Jewish law, if it works for you, fine. So what if you turn on a light on Shabbat? Can you find inspiration in the Torah that moves you forward on the key things that are important to us as Jews? Isn't that ultimately waht G-d wants?
I think that we can learn from Christians in the sense that they have found ways of gaining direct inspiration from the "Word" that helps them do good works and be better people. Jews do this too, but sometimes it gets lost in all the ritual. I am very interested in "small groups", groups within a congregation of 6 or so families that focus on each other, observe and learn about Judiasm together, and gain inspiration from each other. I want to form a Chavurah to do this in our synagogue.
We say that the Torah is our sacred source of inspiration and understanding. I very much enjoy studying it and applying these learnings to my life. I want to be inspired -- to _feel_ the rightness and the closer connection to G-d.
The enthusiasm of young people -- yes, a wonderful source of energy for our faith. However, I think everyone would ideally model the behaviors of gaining meaning and guidence and change from the core things of Judiasm. The social aspects, the traditions, and even following the "laws" are nice. But I believe that what will really make our religion connect with people in important ways is to focus on things that are really important. Not just rules, but ways to be truly better people by understanding and becoming closer to G-d.
So, I agree with the ideas about inspiring young people. But I'd suggest that this be part of a larger program to inspire all Jews. Many adults also thirst for abiding meaning through their faith, and the same things that work for kids (spirit, inspiration, fresh outlook) can also work for adults as well.
Dear Carolyn,
The treatment you describe is revolting, and though I don't doubt your story for a moment, I wish I did. There are many congregations where such goings on do occur, but there are also many others where they do not. You do not say whether your congregation was/is the only one where you live, but often the smaller less established congregations are warmer and less financially driven than what you have described. I'm sorry that this has gone on long enough to alienate your family, and if it is not entirely too late, urge you to look at other congregations, where you might connect with those of us who share a world view which is much more in keeping with your own. Don't give up your Jewish spiritual life because of the crass behavior of some people.
Dear Carolyn, if you are still there, and to all the "Carolyns" out there,
First of all, let me preface this by saying that I came from a conservative and modern orthodox background, and I chose Chabad.
Have you ever tried discussing these issues with the Chabad shluchim (emissaries) in your area? (They work together, equally, as a team, and either or both would be GLAD to meet with you and discuss your issues.)
Some of your points you mention have a validity to them -- yes, it is true that the rabbi will not shake a woman's hand, just as the rebbitzen will not shake a man's hand. Physical contact with the opposite gender, other than with one's immediate family is not approved of in the Torah. There's a reason for it. And while no Chabad rabbi will tell you that you can't touch your male friends, they have the equal right to be able to be careful about this issue themselves; if you are allowed your belief, they are also allowed theirs. You can't imagine how many "touchy feely" people there are, who can't say anything without being all over you. Men and women sitting together at social events varies from one shul to another. If they don't sit together in your shul, try discussing it with the shluchim. What do other members of the shul want? Sometimes there are separate tables for men, women, and couples. I have NEVER EVER heard that in any Chabad House women may not join a conversation if men are present, irregardless of its topic. You say "No man would even acknowledge a woman's presence except in direst necessity, not even before or after services?" You say you live in a small Florida town. How many really strictly Torah observant people are in the shul? This is something that maybe, MAYBE you might find in Satmar, but definitely not in Lubavitch! A rabbi who "flings his hands behind his back" is probably a young, new rabbi, doing it out of his awkwardness, not knowing how to respond to your flinging out your hand at him, and not wanting to touch "something which is not his!" Chabad rabbis do not 'look somewhere past your shoulder.' Chabad rabbis look you straight in the eye and will gladly discuss absolutely ANY ISSUE with you. Yes, the sheer curtain or latticework is there "dividing the genders," because we (hopefully)go to shul to pray to the One Above, not to gaze at the apparel or lack thereof of the opposite sex. There is a time and place for everything. Want to meet a nice Jewish man? That's fine at the social events. Speak to your shluchim. There are systems in place to help you in your search. It simply isn't appropriate during prayers. In Chabad, women are very valued. Ask a Chabad rabbi, and if he knows his stuff, he'll admit to you that women are on a higher level spiritually than men. Did you ever wonder why men have to wear yarmulkas and women don't? The word "yarmulka" is from the Aramaic words "yira malka" the fear of the King. Women innately know there's a G-d who is higher than we are -- men need a gentle reminder -- in the form of a yarmulka. Why do they wear tzitzis? Again -- to REMIND them of the mitzvos -- the combination of knots and strings equals 613 -- the number of commandments in the Torah. Women do not need the reminder. Since the bima is generally in the men's section, except at a social event, the women won't speak from there; ask your rabbi -- in a non-confrontational way -- when and where women might speak out. Same with speaking of scholarly things --if it's a mens class, it may not be the right place. There should be mixed and womens classes as well; whether a man is present or not is totally irrelevant. If a woman is unhappy in her marriage, and all attempts have failed to improve it, she can initiate divorce procedings, and there are various kinds of pressures which can be applied to coerce her unwilling spouse to co-operate. If one Bais Din isn't helpful, find another which is. I believe there are various support groups as well, which will help in putting on the pressure. Again, while short sleeves are not considered appropriate shul attire during prayer, Chabad rabbis do not tell women what to wear. People come to our shul in all kinds of inappropriate attire. Is it possible that someone offered you a light scarf and asked if you would mind wearing it over your bare arms? I have been to Chabad shuls in Florida, and believe me the women were NOT all wearing long sleeves. I will not tell you that the man's prayer to HaShem for not making him a woman is a lament -- that's a new one to me. There are numerous explanations, and I'm sure there's a better one according to chassidus. But a simple explanation I like is as follows: There are three blessings together: thanking for not being a gentile, a slave, and a woman. (In our shul women omit the last one.) The reason is that we are thanking G-d that we are Jews, free, and in the case of men, not a woman) because a gentile does not have the opportunity to observe the 613 commandments (he has 7 -- the 7 laws of Noah.) A slave (in the time of the Temple) could not keep MANY of the mitzvos. A woman does not usually keep SEVERAL of the mitzvos. That's the reason for the descending order. That's all. If you will speak with Chabad or I imagine most orthodox women, we have enough to do without looking to put on tefillin and count for a minyan. We don't have to prove ourselves equal, because we KNOW we are equal -- equal but different. We can celebrate our femininity. Our husbands respect and love us. Tefillin isn't a game -- it's an obligation which MUST be done within a time specific time limit EVERY DAY except for Shabbos and holidays. Same with praying with a minyan -- it isn't on a lark once a week or when we feel like it -- it's 3 times a day, EVERY day. They have their mitzvos and we have ours. To the woman is entrusted that which is MOST PRECIOUS -- the education of the next generation of Jews, and the safeguarding of the laws of family purity.
Dear all Carolyns -- PLEASE CALMLY think this over and come to discuss these issues with us. We are waiting for you with open arms! YOU are the reason we are out here! We would be much more comfortable in Brooklyn, Israel, etc. We would rather not put our children's future at risk. We are really here JUST FOR YOU! Even if we haven't met yet, we love you. Please realize that we are also people -- some of us are young and maybe nervous. Some of us may not have a ready reply for everything, but will certainly look it up for you. Some of us are juggling our multiple responsibilities as school principals, rebbetzins, mothers, youth directors, and cheif cook and bottle washers. If your rebbetzin can't speak to you immediately, ask her when would be a good time.
One last thing. Try one of these sites: www.askmoses.com and www.chabad.org
Gotta run now! Love you! Leah