Shame on The Huffington Post's coverage of the on again - off again - on again relationship between Ivanka Trump and New York Observer owner Jared Kushner, which manages to use the word shiksa numerous times in a piece of less than 100 words. In fact, shame on them, the person who tipped me to this story by calling it the best new example of shiksappeal, and anyone else who uses this term.
The fact that it's commonly used doesn't make it okay. The word literally means a female insect or bug, and it's time to stop using it, even in jest. If you wouldn't use the N-word, then you shouldn't use the S-word either. And that holds for the male version, shaygetz, too.
The real story here is that in the space of 100 years the gentile elite of this country, who were once defined by a set of social mores that included hating Jews, now see Jews as totally desirable, and if joining the Jewish people is okay with us, then it's okay with them. After thousands of years in which most Christians would have rather murdered a Jew than make love to one, it's now the other way around. And to that reality, I say, "thank God!"
The ongoing question is whether Jews can stop fearing that reality and start thinking more seriously about its implications for new ways of understanding identity and community. There are many reasonable responses to this new moment of potential and I am intrigued by them all. But I know that no response based on fear or animated by a sense of the Jewish people's demise, has ever been the way to go.
In fact, it has always been those leaders and thinkers who assumed the best about the future and the Jewish people's ability to respond to it, that have made the greatest contributions. So let's stop talking like people who are hated and have only the power to hate back. Let's start asking what it means to embrace and celebrate Jewishness in a world where Ivanka would consider an Orthodox conversion.
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Author, radio and TV talk show host, and President of CLAL-The National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, Brad Hirschfield is the author of 
Al, the better joke goes:
What's the difference between a shaygitz and a shiksa?
One's a chaya, the other, a m'chaya.
There's always the inevitable "Shiksa? I hardly even know 'er!"
While the Rabbi is fundamentally correct, (and I first heard condemnation of the use of those words from Rabbi Avi Weiss at an NCSY Shabbaton), it is clear that the author of the post was trying to sound "in" and colloquially "Jewish." Doesn't make it OK, but context and intent are important. And, as chinkjunior points out, it has gone on to become a term of desire, that Shiksa gains in appeal precisely because of her "otherness." Taking an adult view of this issue would require us to confront real reasons why we think marrying within one's faith community is important, and whether we can come up with more positive reasons to strengthen Jewish education than as an inoculation against marrying out. Marrying out is not a bad thing if a person doesn't even know why they bother being Jewish. It is just another choice, which perhaps carries with it some social or cultural discomfort. I want my children to marry other Jews, because I believe that for them, having a strong, affirmative, happy Jewish life has value, and raising Jewish children with a Jewish spouse helps achieve that. But ultimately, they will have to own their judaism with enough strength, confidence, and Love to make that choice worthwhile. It can't just be because "We" need to continue.
Oh, and on a grammatical point, "Shiksa" does not mean send in Yiddish. "Shik" is to send, as in "Shik a Gries" meaning "send a greeting." Even in the old days, there was the idea of Shiksa otherness appeaal, which is perhaps where the misconception comes from. There is an old Yiddish saying, "Shiks(a) ahin, Shiks(a) aher, Shik tzu mir." A pun, meaning, "Gentile here, gentile there, send her to me", or "send her here, send her there, send her to me." Another point, by the way. I am reminded of the idea among some of the great Jewish authors view on this subject. Bernard Malamud famously said "If you ever forget you are a Jew, a Gentile will remind you," which Joseph Heller quotes all over his book "Good as Gold." I am guessing that that is an update on some old Yiddish proverb. And let's not forget Philip Roth's famous cry from "Portnoy's Complaint," "Let's put the id back in YId, Let's put the OY back in Goy," which in many ways touches on many aspects of this discussion. These authors, who grew up during the depression and suffered street anti Semitism on a daily basis, had a view of the "other" more in keeping with their European forbears. And yet, as they achieved success for their literary accomplishments, they also confronted first hand something radically different, the adulation and even love from the general, mostly gentile audience. Yet in their work, they could not quite give up their old suspicions. This dissonance is directly a product of their own success, their cultural accomplishments, the social liberal consensus which made the Jew much more a part of American society. In some ways, we have yet to fully assimilate how far we have come, but on the other hand, are we sure our literary icons, who are passing from the scene, were entirely off. The Rabbi is right, we need to start dealing with the "other" from a position of confidence and respect, not fear and suspicion. And yet, do we still not come across our own treatment as the other?
We want to let you know about an article we wrote which may be of interest to readers of "Jewish Dirty Words." The article is published in the free online journal Women in Judaism: A Multidisciplinary Journal. Please see the link below.
The article is entitled:"JAP -- Jewish And Passed-over: The Invisibility of Single Jewish Women in Issues of Intermarriage and Conversion"
Click on the first entry under "Biographical Essays."
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