The Limits of Forgiveness

I don't think it's up to any one of us as individuals to say, "OMG, how can she say with him?" It's not our relationship. We can make a statement or draw a conclusion about our own potential relationship with him (or with her), based on what we think we know (e.g., I would or would not vote for him in the future), but beyond that, it's really not our business, even if we think it should be, or that we know better.

gee a politico without family values who talks about them-who would ever think it.

Politics create people who evidently are so sure that they are the saviors of their town, city, state or nation that they loose sight of what is important in their private life.

I think that our nation was better off when we never learned about these things till these guys were out of office or dead. Evidently like with Bill Clinton we must seperate the person from how they are politically or nobody will be running.

Next big thing will be the lady politico who must confess to an affair!! That can not be far away. sigh..............

Elizabeth Edwards did not have the option not to forgive John Edwards. What would she do? Leave him, and take the children, despite her limited prognosis? She obviously needs him to continue to care for her children after her death. As for John Edwards, he has just shown us all that he is a liar and a man of poor character - anyone who would betray his wife and family when his wife is terminally ill is not worthy of our trust.

John Edwards and in general not only politicians but all those public figurs most be very careful once they rich that popularity they have a big responsibility to the new generations is so sad that for one stupid low passion lost all the efforts of their lives and the pain of their families unfortunaly this sociaty reduce the power of the brain and transfer to the genitals.

Rabbi,

I am grateful for your willingness to thoughtfully consider these matters and provide insight and accountability for those of us who are pursuing a more excellent way.

It is my experience that the act of forgiveness has much to do with releasing ourselves from the fears holding us in dangerous thought patterns. These poisonous attitudes close our minds to the perspectives of others, limiting our ability to experience creative thoughts and flow into the future as we hold negative past perspectives. Therefore, forgiveness is, in many ways, a selfish endeavour, I forgive so that I do not have to continue to experience unforgiveness!

Forgiveness does not require me to rationalize anothers behavior (though in cases where I have been personally wounded, it helps me to develop narrarative context). I find the greatest companion of forgiveness is humility, thought I do not portend to fully grasp the mindset of a humble life.

Many thanks for your perspective,
K

Just realized that we may have lost a candidate for the VP due to the crap that Edwards pulled.

It certainly is not for us to forgive or not-it is a family matter but we all are SO nosey!!

One could have a good character for politics and a bad one for the family-just look at FDR and his wife as a great example of a man who was not a great husband and did cheat but was a good president.

The "sin" committed by John Edwards was adultry. Adultry concerns three people: the husband, the wife, and the "other." Remember, the "other" participent in the affair is as guilty as the offending married partner. Both offenders need to make peace with the offended married partner, or their "sin" remains unforgiven.

In this offense, there are only three people involved. Question: I believe that adultry does not concern the public, or require publicity.
However, if the act of adultry weakers our social fabric, what obligations do the offenders have to society? I know that on Yom Kippur, the offense needs to be acknowledged publically to the community. And the offense must be settled, privately.

Only G-d can forgive a sin - as what one culture feels is a sin, another may not. Thus, the judgment of the 'sin' is already predicated on the humanness that we attach to everything. The 'act' and forgiveness is between offender and G-d.

IMO - humans can/should forgive what the 'offense' has done to them. The should is because one should not harbor that which will fester (kudos to MNeudel above). As example, one loses a loved one in a horrific bus accident, where the driver chose to attempt outrunning a freight train and did not succeed. It was not for me to forgive what he did; it was for me to forgive for what it did to me, family, neighborhood. It took years. The release was freeing.

Being wronged in any manner can be seen as a sin - how one chooses to react after being wronged - whether to harbor/fester, or forgive - is the choice of free will - theirs (for doing it) and yours (how you handle it).

As for Edwards - he wronged many supporters with the denial/lying. You're not to forgive the act (that wasn't done to anyone but the wife, and I suppose, the mistress) - but what was done after is the item to which those who are offended can 'forgive.'

For our own personal peace of mind, we need to forgive. However, in forgiving the act done against us we do not necessarily continue in fellowship as formerly - before the act against us. The act may be forgiven, but the relationship forever changed.

In Jewish law, forgiveness is only after, and I stress, only after the perpetrator has done repentance (teshuva) which according to Maimonides is made up of 3 distinct items (go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repentance_in_Judaism):

1. The perpetrator really ("charotoh") believes and understands that what he did is wrong.

2. Accepts upon himself (and a real and true acceptance) to not do the same sin again in the future & of course has already ceased doing the act.

3. Lastly confesses to God on his actions and MUST beg for forgiveness.

This is Jewish law in all the generations.

Furthermore if this is an offence to a freind (stealing, libel, etc) then one must ask forgiveness and beg for a serious forgiveness from one's freind.

Forgiveness is not something of a nod of the head as many would think, rather this is a serious thing and takes time and healing, of making up and by doing so geting closer to the freind. And its the same with God, via a full and real repentance, is all about one ultimately becomes closer to God. Note that Teshuva in Hebrew means "return".

So - if a person (like Mr Edwards) did adultery, he must regret his actions, cease and promise never to this again, confess to God AND to his wife (whom he really damaged).